


I'm a Good Boy

by rosetintmyworld



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Artsy mysterious Zayn, Country Niall, Drama Louis, Illness, Lacrosse Liam, M/M, May be a trigger, Multi, OCD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Triggers, implied eating disorder, lirry friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-01-24
Packaged: 2018-01-08 04:22:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 46,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1128310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosetintmyworld/pseuds/rosetintmyworld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam Payne seemingly lives a normal, if not boring life. He has one friend and is a second string lacrosse player. Everything seems normal, until you look behind the closed doors. His father loves him, even if it's too much and he's convinced himself of that. Until, a new boy comes to town, the boy has scars and a secret of his own, and he only wants Liam to let him in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> This story contains graphic rape scenes... read at your own cost... It may be a trigger.

                My name is Liam Payne; I am a freshman in high school. I’m kind of lonely. I- I’m not that good at anything. My dad says I’m stupid, but I’m good for one thing. I rather not think about that thing. It isn’t a really pleasant thing. Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror and just look at myself. I’m not attractive. I’ve got too much baby fat on my cheeks, and around my midsection. I wonder whether I’ll ever be loved, or if anyone will ever see worth in me, sometimes when he starts banging on the bathroom door, angry and loud and drunk, I press my face into the glass and look deep into my brown eyes, was there anything worthwhile in me?

I awoke that night to the sound of heavy breathing. I tried to clamp my eyes shut, maybe if he thought I was asleep, he’d leave me alone.

“Liam, liam! Wake up.” My father hissed as he rubbed the side of my hip.

It was very fat there.

His hands were very warm, pressing into my pajama pants and letting a warmth spread through my leg. He ran like a furnace, I ran like a freezer. He squeezed some of the fat between his thumb and his forefinger and I jolted.

“Oh, my sweet boys awake.” He whispered, rubbing his hands over my hair.

“d-d-dad.” I stuttered out and he pressed a hand to my lips.

“Don’t talk honey. Sluts are to be seen not heard.” He whispered and I felt a blush dust my cheeks. I hated when he called me things like that.

“What are you doing?” I whispered and he slipped my pajama pants down slowly.

“I just wanted to see my baby boy.” He whispered, the whiskey heavy on his breath. I closed my eyes and leaned back on the bed. I could feel his hands traveling down my stomach, ghosting over my hip bones and down to my penis. I whimpered and I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Look at my baby boy. Listen to the pretty sounds you’re making.” He whispered and I turned my head to the side.

Sometimes I tried to slip away from it, to float away and never feel the disgusting way he touched me, but it didn’t work like that. I just think I’m not smart enough to slip away. My brain wasn’t big enough to host this feeling and make up a fake world to live in. Instead I was stuck in the present as he began to stroke me.

I felt his hands trail past my balls and I squeezed my lip between my teeth.

\---

The next morning I shifted in bed, trying to orient myself. I sat up, feeling the sticky flaking pieces of my father and I’s mess dried onto my skin. It stretched across my lower back and on my thighs. I looked down at my soiled sheets.

Not proud to say, I wet myself again last night. I sighed and bundled my sheets up, dropping them beside my bed. If my father found out…

I peeled away my soiled pajamas and stepped into the shower. I scrubbed hard at my skin, until it began to turn violent red.

I was a clean boy; my mother always praised me for my hygiene.

But I was filthy.

I scrubbed systematically at my hair and body, before stepping out of the shower and quickly pulling on a robe. I hated the sight of my naked body.

I slipped toothpaste onto my yellow toothbrush and brushed my teeth four times, before switching to the green one and brushing twice. I plopped it back into the toothbrush holder before padding back to my room and slipping into clean clothes.

I picked up my linens and walked them down into the laundry room.

“Liam honey, doing laundry again?” My mom asked and I looked up.

“Yeah.” I said back and she smiled.

“You make my life so easy. If only your father was as considerate.” She said and I paled.

“Yeah.” I whispered back and she leaned against the door.

“Your protein shake is on the table.” She said and I nodded.

I had thirty minutes until I had to get on the bus. Dad couldn’t drive me because he had work soon, and my mom was heading off to catch the bus soon so that she could get to work.

My mom thought I was training for the lacrosse team. I was really just a bench warmer. I wasn’t really a big ‘sports player’. My coach said that I was good enough to play, but I didn’t think so. I wasn’t good at much.

I found that if you replaced one meal with a protein shake, and ran a mile each day, it’s help with weight loss. I’d been working out some, I didn’t want to be who I used to be. I was weak, defenseless, and fat, so fat that kid’s used to bully me, tell me how ugly I was, how I’d die a fat ugly virgin.

They got one thing wrong.

“Bye honey! Bye scout.” My dad said, kissing me on the forehead. I cringed slightly, but accepted it, we couldn’t let mom suspect that something was going on. He waved at us as he left and I let myself slip a little further down into my chair.

I poured the shake into my blender bottle and slipped it in my backpack before slipping on my shoes at the door.

“Hey Liam honey?” My mom said and I turned back to look at her.

“Ma’am?” I asked.

“You’re walking a little funny hun.” She said and I felt my face blanch.

“I guess I’ve been going too extreme on my running. I’ll dial it down.” I said and she smiled.

“Just be careful honey.” She said and I nodded before slipping out of the door. I pulled my headphones out of my bag and boarded the bus. I let myself be jostled between the seats until I found the seat in the very back. No one would bother me there. I pulled my feet up in the chair, wincing a little at the stretch of sore muscles, before burying my head in my lap.  

When I said I was lonely, I wasn’t being completely honest. I mean, I had one friend. If he counted as that I guess. His name was Harry. He was asthmatic and way smarter than me. He was a year younger than me, but somehow was in my grade. He was the team manager for the Lacrosse team because he was terrible at sports, but awesome at carrying a clipboard and making sure the coach didn’t kill anyone.

He also made awesome Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches. Some of the boys disliked that they were butterfly shaped, but I just thought they added to the overall presentation of the sandwich.

I know, I’m weird.

“Morning Li.” Harry said, leaning against my locker toying with his rescue inhaler.

“Morning Haz.” I said, pulling my English book out of my locker. I had English first period, then P.E, then History, and to finish it off, Childhood development. It was the last elective I could take unless I wanted to be taking yearbook with Mrs. Stanley, who was a raging bitch, so no thank you.

“You okay?” He asked and I nodded.

“Yeah, just a little sore, do you think I can get out of P.E today?” I asked and he shrugged.

“Probably.” He said, and I shut my locker.

“I’ll see you in Henderson’s right?”

“Wouldn’t miss balls flying at my face for the world.” He said sarcastically and Louis, Harry’s on-again-off-again boyfriend wrapped his arms around his waist. This week they were definitely on, if there were any indications from Harry’s blushing face and the blooming lovebite that began to peek from under his collar.

“Don’t I know it.” Louis said with a smirk and I turned my head. I couldn’t watch their cuteness for too long without wanting to drown myself. Nothing against them, just didn’t like displays of affection.

“I’ll see you later leem.” Harry said and I nodded before going to my English class. It was probably my most hated class. I hated feeling stupid, and even though Mrs.  Sykes was a nice, if not slightly boring woman, she didn’t understand my struggle. Besides, her voice really lulled me to sleep. She really had a beautiful tone in her voice.

I sat in the back of the classroom, and tried to muddle through the notes. It wasn’t as if I were in a sea of brainiacs, I was just in standard, full of lazy smart kids who couldn’t be bothered to do their work, or kids who were spending their second or third year in the class. Sad to say, I still was the dumbest kid there.

I moved on to P.E next, relieved to finally be out of that hellhole. Why did I need to know what a preposition was? Was it really that important? We were supposed to be starting Romeo and Juliet next. How exciting.

“Hey, You okay?” Harry asked and I looked at him.

“Yeah, why?” I asked.

“Walking funny again.” He said and I sighed.

“Oh, running.” I said blasé as I looked around the locker room. I hated undressing in front of people. Sometimes dad left bruises, and people were already vicious.

“How much you run, you'd think your body would get used to it.” He said and I shrugged, sitting down on the bench. It was easier to hide my body if I sat down.

“I really gotta remember to stretch before I go running.” I said with a shrug as I pulled my shirt over my head quickly before replacing it. I could change shirts in thirty seconds flat.

“Styles! Payne! Hurry up in there or I’ll count you tardy.” Coach Henderson said and Harry rolled his eyes but quickened his pace in slipping on his shoes.

I shimmied into sweatpants and nudged my toes into my sneakers before walking into the gym.

“Alright, we’re playing basketball today.” Coach Henderson said and Harry held up a slip of paper.

“I’ve got a doctor’s note.”  Harry said and he nodded.

“Alright, Payne. Let’s go.” Coach Henderson said.

“Doctor’s note.” Harry said again and I looked over at the kid.

“Yeah, doctor’s note.” I said and he rolled his eyes but blew his whistle.

“Alright everyone except Payne and Styles hit the court.” He said and I sat down next to Harry on the bench.

“You, my friend, are a freaking genius.” I said to him and he shrugged.

“Just looking out. Besides, you’re in no condition to run any more than I am.” He said and I shrugged, picking at the little balls of lint on my sweatpants.

“Yeah, but I gotta get in shape for Lacrosse.” I said with a shrug.

“But what’s the point of getting in shape, if you can’t play because you’re too hurt from getting in shape?” He asked and I looked over at him pointedly.

“Forget I even asked. So, I’m staying over on Friday right?” He asked.

“Uh, I guess.” I said and he smiled.

“Great. We’ve got a lot to catch up on.” He said and I nodded. We had a supernatural marathon to get through.

We ignored the rest of the class until he blew his whistle and dismissed us to the locker room. I was the last out of course, and then I went to history. Another dumb class that made me feel stupid. I didn’t even understand why I needed to know the date of the war of 1812. Is it really necessary? When will that knowledge ever do me any good? Never that’s when. When’s the last time someone said, “Hey, tell me the date of the war of 1812 or I’ll blow your brains out.” Never that’s when.

“Liam, are you paying attention?” Mrs. Burke asked and I nodded, sinking down into my chair. Of course I wasn’t. I hated this class and no matter how hard I studied, I’d never pass.

The bell rang and I jetted out of that class and into the cafeteria. I sat down at the table with Harry, who opened his lunch bag and gave me half of his PB&J. I nodded in appreciation and began to eat.

“Hazma attack, Leemo supremo!” I looked up to see Niall pointing a camera at us. He was in yearbook and took pictures of everything. He was Harry’s best friend.

“Bill ni the science guy!” Harry exclaimed and Niall snapped a picture before sitting down in front of us.

“Hey Niall.” I said. I wasn’t as clever as they were.

“Did you hear? Apparently we’ve got a new kid in our Fourth Period.” Harry said and I nodded, zoning out.

Harry put his hand on my thigh and I was snapped out of my reverie as fear pumped through my veins.

“You alright?” He asked, recoiling his hand. I took a deep breath and nodded.

“Sorry. I’ve got a bruise. Tripped over a stick on my run.” I said and he shook his head slightly, his face crumbling into a frown. He took a bite of his sandwich and turned back over to Niall.

The bell for lunch rang and I got up, quickly throwing away Harry’s trash before heading into my last period of the day.


	2. Zayn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet Zayn and see a little more into Liam and Geoff's relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, Rape. If that's a trigger, please don't read.

I loved walking into Mrs. Teasdale’s room. It was vibrant and light and nothing like my thoughts. Child development was a strange interest to me. I guess it’s because it showed me what it was really supposed to be like in raising a kid. I mean, not that I didn’t have a good upbringing. My dad sacrificed a lot for me. But, it was interesting to know how kids tick, what fucks up kids for life, and why. I slid into my chair and Harry claimed the one behind me. Louis claimed the chair beside him. She didn’t have real desks, just tables. It was cool. It wasn’t even like a classroom. This was probably the only class I didn’t feel completely stupid in. Except when we learned terms, that part always got me. But just learning about kids, that was the best part.

“Alright, so we’re starting that very special project that I’m sure everyone has been waiting on. I want everyone to pair up.”

The baby project. The one most guys dread and all the girls itch for. It’s probably the only reason that half of the girls are even in this class.

I looked around awkwardly. Every time I looked at one of the girls, they quickly turned away.

“Louis, Harry separate!” Mrs. Teasdale said.

“Now come one Lou.” Louis said and she glared at him.

“I mean Mrs. Teasdale. We have to be realistic. There are more boys in this class than girls. Someone will have to pair up with a partner of the same sex. Besides, shouldn’t we be fair. There are same sex parents raising children as we speak. These are new times, you can’t limit these projects based on heterosexual norms. If you do it the old fashioned bigoted way, well what will I learn? I don’t plan to marry a woman and raise kids with her. Shouldn’t the curriculum reflect my lifestyle as well?” Lou said and Harry turned red.

“Fine Louis. I guess you can be partners. Now, does everyone else have a partner.” She asked, looking down at the roll.

“Oh wait. Liam, you don’t have a partner. I guess you’ll have to be a single father.” She said with a sigh. I looked around. Everyone else had someone sitting with them. I was alone at my table. This was starting to not feel like such a light place anymore.

“Alright, so… The first week of the- hold on.” There was a knock at the door and she went to open it. I began to scratch at my arm, picking at a small bump. My mom said not to do that, that it’d get infected.

“Hi, is this child development?” a deep voice said and I looked up. A caramel skinned boy, with raven black hair and tight, black jeans stood at the door. He scuffed at the floor with his dark converses.

“Oh, hi. You must be Mr. Zayn Maleek.” She said and he flicked his eyes towards me. I looked down at the table, a blush creeping over my face.  He caught me staring how embarrassing.

“It’s Malik.” He said back.

“Of course. There’s a free seat beside Liam over there. We’re just starting our baby project as everyone calls it. You’ll be a single dad unfortunately.” She said and he shrugged before coming to sit down next to me.

“Um Mrs. Teasdale, there’s not an uneven number now. Zayn and Liam can be partners. I mean, why should he have the brunt of a project fall on his shoulders. That’s not fair.” Louis said and I turned back at him, glaring.

“I didn’t need the help Louis.” I whispered back at him and he only raised an eyebrow at me.

“I don’t know if that’d be okay with Za-“

“I don’t have a problem with it. I’d rather not do a big project by myself anyway.” He said and she clapped before going over to her grading book.

“Well great. I’ll write you guys down as partners and you can help him out in this class. Help him get caught up yeah?” She said and I nodded.

“Anyway, like I was saying. This first week will be the ‘pregnancy’ if you will. This is basically a fucked up version of Life. So, you’ll get your budget books, your career worksheets and your ‘doctors’ appointments. During this week we’ll be cramming nine months of carriage into a week. On Friday, we will do the pregnancy suits, extra credit for those who wear it to the lacrosse game”

Louis raised his hand again.

“Don’t you think it would be a bit demeaning for us same sex couples to wear it? That would mean that we would have to assign ourselves the role of a female, which is harmful for our psyche. We are both male and we shouldn’t have to go against our self-determined gender.”

“Are you going to fight me on everything Tomlinson?” Mrs. Teasdale asked and he quirked his eyebrow. “No, you do not have to wear the suit if you are a same-sex couple. But your budget will have to include paying for a surrogate. Fair is fair.” She said and he groaned.

“What’s the big deal about paying for the surrogate?” Zayn asked me and I felt my throat close up.

“Hey, kid, I asked you a question.” He said, pushing my shoulder slightly.

“Sorry, zoned. We are allotted a budget based on the jobs that we choose. We’ll have to sacrifice in some things in order to pay for the surrogate. If we pay for the surrogate, we’ll have to save money by enrolling in a not as good day care. She does this sort of reaping thing where she’ll pick an event out of a hat and apply it to someone’s project. Like life, so maybe there was a bedbug infestation at the daycare, it can hurt the grade.” I said and he whistled.

“She is elaborate.” He whispered and I nodded.

“So, Liam. That’s your name right?” He asked and I nodded.

“You wanna meet later on? I’ll see when I’m free, but I’ll text you yeah?” He asked and I nodded. He handed me his phone and I looked down at the home screen to see him and another guy hugging. Must be his boyfriend.

I dialed my number quickly and handed it back to him. He texted me.

“There you go. I’ll text you sometime so we can go over this, yeah?” He asked and I nodded.

“Yeah.” I whispered back. He left the classroom and Harry came beside me.

“At least he’s nice.” He whispered and I shrugged.

“Yeah, I guess.”

We headed to Lacrosse practice where I sat on the bench. Coach Henderson wouldn’t let me play today because I couldn’t participate in P.E. It was fine I guess. Who knew if I’d even be able to walk Friday night.

I got my Childhood Development homework out and looked at it. I got to pick a profession and everything. This part was probably the most interesting to me. I got to be a whole different Liam. I think I’d be a fireman. It was what I wanted to be for real, and why not keep it as real as possible. Besides, it was achievable. In this land of idiotic kids thinking they were going to be the next Beyoncé or LeBron James, or god forbid Kim Kardashian. It was nice to be the leveled head one.

Practice wrapped up and I waited for my Dad to pick me up. The car ride was silent, as always. We never really talked much anymore. He rode the entire ride with his hand resting on my thigh. It was always like this. He’d keep his hand there, and be content. Sometimes I wonder if he used to hold onto mom like this. Not lately though, lately they were always screaming at each other. I scurried out of the car as soon as we stopped and ran up to my room. I made my bed with some clean linens and began to do my homework.

“Liam! Dinner.” My mother yelled and I made my way downstairs and to the table. We ate in silence, the only sound the occasional grating of a fork scraping a plate or a mumbled compliment about the dry chicken. My family wasn’t really good at communicating. After dinner my dad forced me onto the couch. We’d watch Lacrosse together; it was his favorite sport besides football. He was the all American man after all.

“Oh! Anne, how are you?” My mother exclaimed into her cellphone.

“Women, am I right? Always gabbing.” Dad said as my mom stood up from her armchair and made her way into her bedroom.

“You know, your mother, she’s such a nag. Always telling me to do this, clean this, and fix this. I’m a man; I have better things to do than repaint porch swings. Right kiddo?” My dad asked, rubbing my leg slowly. He travelled his hand under the blanket and began to palm me through my jeans.

“Right.” I whispered back shallowly.

“It’s a good thing I have you bud. It’d be hell here if I were the only man in this house.” My heart began to race and I closed my eyes.

“I love you bud.” He whispered, guiding my hand under his waistband.

“I love you too dad.” I said back to him.

“Alright Anne. I’ll talk to you later.” My mom said as she came back downstairs. My dad removed his hand from my boxers, wiping it against my pant leg before leaning next to my ear, under the pretenses of pointing out a move that I should pick up.

“We’ll finish this tonight.” He whispered, his teeth grazing my ear.

I really wished I had made him cum on the couch. Then he wouldn’t seek me out at night, he would have been satisfied. But tonight, he’d be drunk; he was already two fingers in on whiskey. It was always worse when he was drunk. He kept his hand on my crotch for the rest of the game, giving me a light pat every so often. He wouldn’t try anything with my mom in the room, at least while she was fully awake.

“I’m gonna go, I’ve got some homework to do. Then, I’ll shower and go to bed.” I said, and my dad withdrew his hand from my crotch. I stood up, and my mom motioned towards me. I gave her a loose hug before turning back to my father.

“Good night Li.” My dad said, grabbing me onto a hug. I took a deep breath but managed not to flip out too much. He let go and patted me on the back. I nodded and went upstairs, keeping my head down. I dropped onto my piano bench and sighed, letting my hands trail over the keys. I had history homework to deal with, and the first act of Romeo and Juliet were due soon, but I really didn’t want to do them. I wanted to play the piano for a little while. I slipped on my headphones so they wouldn’t disturb my parents and let my clumsy fingers fumble over the keys. It helped to play. It was easier to put all the bad stuff in the back of my mind and focus on the contrasting black and ivory. I wasn’t as good as I should be, I had been taking classes since I was five, but I was okay enough. I liked to make up songs sometimes, to sing quietly to the rising and falling of the music. I mean, my lyrics were shit because words were fucking useless, but it was nice to dream.

My phone vibrated and I dropped down on my bed.

‘Hey Liam.  It’s Zayn. Are you free after school tomorrow?’

I read the text and sighed.

“Yea, see you tommorrow.” I sent back.

“Right, see you tomorrow.” He sent back.

I spelled ‘tomorrow’ wrong. Great job Liam. He already thinks you’re stupid.

I poured over my history book until I felt like I was going to pass out. I began to get ready for bed when I heard my parents’ bedroom door creak open. I laid down on my bed and waited for him to stumble into my room.

“Hey buddy. You awake?” He asked and I nodded.

“Oh, you waited for daddy huh?” He said and I clenched my jaw before nodding.

“What a good boy.” He said, crawling onto the bed with me. I scooted up in bed as he crawled over me, pinning me to the bed. I could feel his erection.

“Hey bud, how about you help daddy out huh?” He asked, grinding down against me. I reached down for his pajama pants and he rolled over onto his back.

“Use your mouth huh?” He said and I nodded, taking a deep breath before letting my mouth close around him.

“That’s a good boy. That’s a real good boy. Daddy’s baby. Daddy loves his beautiful boy. Such a pretty boy.” He moaned out running his hands through my hair. I could feel myself becoming aroused and I tried to will it away.

“Watch the teeth.” He said, tugging my hair and I gasped.

“Good boy. You’re a good boy aren’t you? You’re going to swallow right? Good boys always swallow. And you’re such a good boy. Tell me you’re a good boy.”

“I’m a _good_ boy.” I murmured out, my voice cracking. He smiled at me before shoving my head down. He began to thrust into my throat until he climaxed. I gagged a little, my eyes watering but I swallowed it all.

“That’s a good boy.” He said, rubbing his thumb across my cheek. I turned bright red and began to get under my blanket. Now that he was done I could go to bed.

“Not yet. Finish yourself.” He said and I felt the red spread all the way through my body.

“Sir?” I asked and he ran his hands through my hair.

“Go ahead and take care of yourself. I wanna see it.” He said, squeezing me. I nodded, climbing from under the blanket. I pulled myself from my boxer and gently touched myself.

I really didn’t want to masturbate in front of my dad.

“Come on now Liam. I know you can do better than that.” He said and I gripped myself, tugging furiously. I was chasing my orgasm, the faster I got done with this, the less time he had to recover, which meant he’d be done with me tonight. He hated being oversensitive. He’d never continue after he was spent, unless he could recover.

“Daddy loves you. Who loves you Liam, who loves his beautiful little boy.” He whispered to me and I clamped my eyes shut, little puffs of breath coming out of my parted lips.

“You.” I whispered

“You’re so beautiful like this Liam. My little beautiful boy. God, look at you, you’re such a good boy. You gonna cum? Tell daddy you’re going to cum.” He whispered.

“I’m- gon-I-i-gonna c-c-cum Daddy.” I stuttered out and he sighed.

“such a good boy. Such a good fucking boy, making daddy horny all over again. My beautiful boy. God I love you. I love you so fucking much.” He said, patting my lengthy hair.

“I Love you daddy.” I whimpered as I spilled over my fist and he smiled.

“I love you too. Such a good boy. Night honey.” He whispered kissing my forehead. He left my room and I wiped my fist off with a tissue before throwing it in the corner. I tucked myself back in and laid down. My eyes wide opened.

I was a good boy.


	3. Making Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn and Liam work on their project together.

I woke up the next morning, my throat aching. Well that’s just great. I groggily went through my morning routine before going downstairs.

“Bye Honey.” My mom yelled.

“Bye.” I croaked out.

“Honey, your voice.” She said and I shrugged. I slipped out of the house and got on the bus.

“Liam?” I looked up from my desk to see Zayn looking at me. He was in my English class too? Great.

I nodded at him and he sat down beside me.

“This school is ridiculous. First I can’t get into an art class fourth period and now I’m in standard English.” He said and I looked over at him.

“Yeah, it’s tough.” I said, forgetting how fucked my voice was.

“You okay?” He asked.

I nodded.

“Screaming too much at practice.” I mumbled out and he nodded, pulling out a binder.

“Alright Class, I’d like to introduce our new student Mr. Zayn Maleek.” Mrs. Sykes said and he rolled his eyes at me with a smirk.

“It’s Malik.” He said.

“Of course. Anyway, let’s open the book to act two of Romeo and Juliet. Who’d like to summarize the first act?” She asked and I ducked down in my seat. Zayn raised his hand.

“It opens with the Capulet’s speaking raunchily about women and throwing jest towards the Montague’s. A fight starts off between the two and the citizens of the watch are alarmed about said fight. The prince eventually orders everyone home. Meanwhile, Romeo is broken up over his break up with Rosaline. He is moping about and his cousin tells him to forget about her. They then get stopped by an illiterate servant of the named Paul whom they assist with reading something. It turns out its’ the guest list for the party the Capulet’s are throwing and that Rosaline’s attending. Romeo insists to go. Meanwhile Juliet is told she is to marry the agreeable Paris. At the party Romeo sees Juliet and falls madly in love. Juliet has the same reaction, only to find that he is of the ‘Montague's’ her ‘loathed enemy.”  Zayn said.

“Impressive Zayn. Alright, let’s read. Liam, will you be the Chorus?” She said and I nodded unsteadily.

“N-now old desire du-doth in his deathbed Lie

A-and young a-a affect-tion gape to be his h-h hair.”

The class erupted in laughter. The word was heir. It was heir not hair; I’m such an idiot.

“Um, Mrs. Sykes, do you mind if I read the chorus. Liam has a sore throat.” Zayn said and I looked over at him, amazed.

He ducked his head down and began to read. The kids roaring laughter dropped down to a couple of snickers as his mellow voice filled the classroom. He pronounced the words effortlessly, as if he were born speaking Shakespearean.

I looked over at him and let my eyes trail over him. He had a scar at the top of his forehead, and several more crisscrossing his arms. I found myself investigating the tiny lines. I wonder what they were from.  For some reason the scars didn’t take anything from his appearance, in fact, I think it enhanced it.  The bell rang and I began to pile all of my books in my bag.

“Hey, do you know where Beaman’s Honors Earth and Environmental is?” He asked, looking down at his schedule.

“Uh, yeah. It’s right around the corner. I’ll show you.” I said and he nodded.

We walked out of the classroom side by side. It was silent between us, it wasn’t awkward though. If I were walking with Louis and Harry, he’d try to fill every sentence. Same with Niall, but I don’t ever remember a time when Niall didn’t have his mouth open. Harry and I could walk in silence, but there was something different about it, it was like he was always deeply thinking about something. He always looked sad when we were silent. 

“Here you go. Room 206, Beaman’s class. I heard he’s a pretty good teacher. Really nice.” I croaked and he nodded. He walked into the classroom and I made it to PE.

“Hey! Still limping huh?” Harry said and I shrugged.

“Hey.” I said back, pulling my shirt off once I was sure no one was looking.

“Man, you’re losing your voice again. Maybe you should go to the doctor. You always seem to get a sore throat. Maybe it’s an infection because of your kidney.” He said and I shook my head.

“No, I just gotta stop sleeping with the ceiling fan on.” I croaked out and pulled on some sweats.

“Alright, let’s go.”

Harry and I sat on the bench for the rest of class, this time debating which Doctor was the best. We’re giant nerds I know.

I sat down at lunch, playing with the cellophane wrapper from Harry’s PB&J sandwich.

“Hey, is this seat empty?” I looked up to see Zayn standing above me, holding a lunch tray.

“Uh, you don’t want to do this. You’re new and you’re attractive. You have a chance to be popular. Sitting here is certain social suicide.  Don’t let us nerds drag you down.” I said and he quirked his eyebrow.

“You think I’m attractive?” he asked.

I began to stutter.

“Of course you are. I’m straight and I think you’re attractive.” Niall said, chewing with his mouth open.

He winked at Niall and sat his lunch down.

“What are you doing?” I asked and he laughed, scooting into the seat next to me.

“I’m sitting down. Who says I’m not a nerd?” He asked.

“Which, by the way, I am. I’m Zayn.” He said, reaching across the table to shake Niall’s hand.

“Nice to meet you Mr. Cellozane. I’m Niall Horan, yearbook photographer extraordinaire.” Niall said.

“Also known as that guy who makes up nicknames for everyone.” Harry said and Zayn nodded.

“That’s cool.” He said, biting into a slice of pizza.

“Are you not going to eat?” He asked me and I shrugged, picking at the cellophane.

“He doesn’t.” Niall said and I glared at him.

“I do too.” I mumbled.

“Here. I got this for you. It’s for your throat.” He said and I looked at him, shocked. It was a simple ice cream bar.

Harry nudged me and I looked down at the table.

“t-thank you.” He shrugged and went back to eating his pizza.

I opened my locker right before class and a little slip of paper slipped out.

_‘You’ve been blessed with a special surprise. You’re having a baby! You’re scheduled doctor’s appointment will be today at 2:15_ ’

The paper read and I shook my head. She was crazy.

“Hey, your voice doing any better?” Zayn asked as he sat down next to me.

“A little. Thanks for the Ice Cream.” I said and he shrugged, pulling out his binder.

“It’s whatever. So, did you do last night’s homework?” He asked and I nodded, pulling the immaculate papers out of my back pack. I hated when I turned in sloppy, wrinkled papers. I was stupid, not a slob.

“Yeah, what occupation did you choose?” I asked and nudged his paper towards me.

“English teacher. It’s what I plan to be when I grow up.” He said and I nodded.

“Our poor kid is going to be so poor.” I said and he laughed.

“Money’s not everything is it?” He said.

“How are we supposed to put it through college on a Teacher and a Firefighters salary?” I asked and he laughed.

“Why firefighter?” He asked and I shrugged.

“I just wanna save people you know?” I said and he nodded.

“I get it.” He said.

“Zayn, Liam. It’s time for your doctor’s appointment.” Mrs. Teasdale said and I nodded before walking up to her.

“You guys are having a beautiful, healthy girl. Isn’t that wonderful?” She said, giving us an ultrasound picture.

Whose ultrasound was this?

Zayn looked at me as if he were wondering the same thing.

“You guys are very lucky. The kid seems to be developing as normal. Have you guys done your job profiles?” She asked and I handed her Zayn and I’s profile.

“Interesting, a teacher and a fighter, well you definitely didn’t marry for money.” Mrs. Teasdale said and Zayn chuckled a little.

“Alright, here’s your monthly budget, and here’s your salary. Also here’s your first bill. Have fun.” She said and I nodded.

“You wanna go to my house?” He asked and I nodded.

He called his mom and she pulled up in a small black corolla.

“Mom this is Liam, Liam this is my mom.”

Zayn said pulling on his seatbelt.

“Nice to meet you.” I said, scratching at my jeans. She looked at me through the rear view window.

“Nice to meet you Liam.” She raised an eyebrow at Zayn and he scowled at her.

The inside of the car smelled spicy almost. It was a warm smell. We drove back to his home, a lot smaller than mine. It had like three bedrooms and one bath. When I opened the door, I was greeted by a little girl

“Hey now, move out the way, I gotta put up the groceries then we gotta jet.” She said to the little girl.

“Safaa, watch out!” Zayn said, scooting the little girl over with his foot.

“I’m taking waliyah with me alright? Call me if you-” He looked at her meaningfully, shaking his head slightly.

“Bye mom.” He said and she kissed him on the forehead.

“Bye sweetie. Be safe. I left you some plastic cups with juice if you want it.” She said and he made another face at her, she made it back before rolling her eyes.

“I’ll be back. Be safe, no funny business.” She said and he scowled at her.

She blew us a kiss as she hurried out the house, carrying his sisters with him.

“Is your dad home?” I asked, looking around warily.

“No, he doesn’t live with us anymore.” He said before throwing his backpack onto the couch.

“Want anything to eat? A sandwich or something?” He asked and I shook my head.

“Is that a blender bottle?” He asked and I looked down at my bag.

“Yeah, I drink protein shakes.” I said and he nodded.

“Oh, at least you don’t use them to replace a meal like those idiotic people.” He said, rummaging through the pantry.

“I do.”

“Well you my dear Watson, are an idiot.” He said and I looked down at my bottle.

“So, a girl huh? At least you’ll have some experience, since you have a bunch of sisters. I’m an only child.” I said and he shrugged, grabbing a jar of peanut butter and a plastic spoon.

“I guess. They’re a pain in the ass telling you the truth. Come on, let’s go to my room and work on the budget.” He said and I nodded following after him.

“Here it is, la casa de Zayn.” He said, swinging the door opened. I gaped at the colorful walls, everything was spray painted, and there were drawings of superheroes all over the wall.

“Did you do this yourself” I asked and he shrugged.

“yeah, they’re kinda shit though.” He said and I shook my head.

“No, they’re good. You’re really good.” I said and he shrugged before dropping onto his bed.

“You can sit if you want.” He said and I shucked off my backpack, sitting on the floor beside his bed.

“You can sit on the bed.” He said, patting the space beside him.

“No thank you.” I said back, crossing my legs. I pulled a notebook out of my backpack and looked up at him.

“So…?” He asked, sitting up in the bed.

“Um, you wanna look at the budget? I’m not really that good at math, but I can try?” I said and he shrugged.

“I’m okay I guess. Alright, so the salary for an English Teacher is $52,000 and a firefighters is $43,000… so that means I make, $4333 a month, give or take for taxes. You’d make $3583.” He said, pushing his reading glasses up his nose. It was kind of… endearing I guess.

“Guess that makes me the man of this relationship.” He said jokingly, biting on the tip of his pen.

“Although, with that build, I guess you’d be the man.” He said, nodding down at me appreciatively. I looked down, tucking my arms around my trunk.

“Alright, see you in first period. Have a good night.” Zayn said as I stood at the door. I looked back at my dad’s car before looking back to him.

“You too Zayn.” I said and he waved at me again before closing the door. I hustled to my dad’s car, pulling my sweater up to my ears.

“Who’s that?” My Dad asked as I sat down in the passenger seat. I shrugged, buckling my seatbelt. I sat my backpack on the floor in front of my feet.

“Just a kid in my class. We’re working on a project together.” I said, picking at my pants.

“Oh, he’s pretty cute isn’t he?” He asked and I tensed up.

“No sir. At least, I don’t think so.” I said.

“Alright, well let’s go home bud.” He said, his hand falling onto my thigh finally.

That night he didn’t come in my room. It was strange and I found myself staying up until three just because I didn’t believe that he wasn’t going to come. I felt really bad. I’d lied to my father today. I’d never done that before. I never disobeyed him and I never deceived him. It ate at me. I hated disappointing him.

I was always a good boy.


	4. Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam and Zayn bond and Harry spends the night.

I awoke the next day, everything running like normal. Dad even gave me the same uncomfortable hug that he normally gave me. Mom handed me my protein shake and I stared at it.

Did drinking them really make me look dumb?

I mean, Zayn said they were dumb, and he was pretty smart. He did that math yesterday in his head. I couldn’t even count down from twenty without skipping a number.

“No thank you.” I said to my mom and she furrowed her eyebrows at me.

“But honey, you always drink them.” She said and I froze. That was true.

Why did it matter what Zayn thought about me being stupid? I was already stupid.

“I’ll take it. Maybe I’ll want it later.” I said, pouring the shake into my bottle.

“I’m not coming home until later tonight. I think I’ll be working on a project.” I said and she nodded.

“Alright honey. Just call me when you get ready to be picked up.” She said and I nodded.

She’d send my father.

“Hey, Liam. I was thinking about it last night, and maybe we should come up with a baby name. I was thinking that we should write a list of names and then see what’s the best.” Zayn said, sitting down with me at lunch. I nodded and he pushed me a cup of sherbet. I looked down at them and he shrugged.

“So, I’m so happy its Thursday. I can’t wait for this week to be over.” He said and I nodded, dipping my spoon in the cup warily.

“Oh yeah. I’m still going to your house on Friday right?” Harry asked and I smiled.

“Of course.”   
I loved it when Harry came over. My dad didn’t sneak into my room when Harry came over. He gave me a much needed break and for that I was grateful.

The day passed quickly and soon I was standing in Zayn's doorway waiting for my dad to pick me up. His mom had taken the girls out to give us some time to work on our project I guess.

“Zayn!” I looked down to see a little girl clinging to his leg.

“Waliyah!” He said, picking her up and putting her on his hip. I smiled a little and looked down at my feet.

“I’m so sorry I’m home so late. I’ll have dinner made in a little bit. Liam hon, are you staying for dinner?” She asked, hurrying through the door, pulling her jacket off.

“No mom. He’s not staying for dinner. His dad is on his way.” Zayn said, his voice exasperated. Did he not want me to stay?  
“Oh, what a shame. You’ll stay one night won’t you?” She said, making her way to the kitchen. I looked over at Zayn.

“Uh, yes ma’am.” I said.

“I just have to meet your parents. What are they like? We should invite them over for dinner. I’d re-” She said and I froze.

“Mom please, go in the kitchen.” Zayn said and she stuck her tongue out at him before kicking him on the butt on the way out.

“Sorry. She’s overbearing.” He said with a playful smirk. His little sister tugged on his hair and he smiled before dipping her down and blowing on her stomach.

I looked away from them and noticed my Dad’s car in the driveway. I got in the car and he dropped his hand on my thigh. He didn’t say anything to me and I sighed, looking back at Zayn’s house. He waved at me and I smiled smally before looking back at my dad’s thick hand.

I awoke the next morning and looked around. He hadn’t come in last night either. That was strange. Ever since I was a small kid, around ten, he’d been coming to me almost every night. He was always here. But not now.

“Damn it Karen, how many times do I have to tell you?” I heard my Dad yell and I held my breath. They were fighting again. I crept into the shower and turned it on, thankful that the water could block out their loud bickering. I hated when they fought. They were loud and it hurt my insides. I know how childish I sound. I wrapped my towel around my waist and I heard a knock on the door.

“I’m on my way out Kiddo.” I heard my dad say and I opened the door. His eyes travelled from my wet hair and down to my towel.

“I love you alright? I’ll see you tonight at the game?” He asked and I shrugged.

“I’m not playing this week.” I said and he nodded.

“Alright. Well, I’ll see you later tonight. Don’t mind your mother okay? You know how women can be. They get into their moods and you can’t stop them. She always brings it on herself and pretends she’s the victim.” He said and I nodded, awkwardly holding onto my towel.

He kissed me on the forehead and patted me on the butt before walking downstairs. I ambled to my room after brushing my teeth several times and began to get dressed.

“Bye honey.” My mom said, her eyes were rimmed with red. She’d been crying.

I nodded at her as I closed the door behind me.

“So are you playing tonight?” Zayn asked as he sat down beside of me.

“No, I got hurt this week. Can’t play.” I said, looking down at my notebook.

“Oh, that sucks.” He said and I shrugged.

“I’m just a second string benchwarmer. It’s fine. I like not playing the best. When you play everyone criticizes you. If you make a mistake, the whole game revolves around your mistakes. That’s a lot to put on my shoulders, you know?” I said and he nodded.

“So, did you come up with a list?” He asked me and I shrugged.

“I could only think of one name. Well besides the regular names like sue, mary, Elizabeth.. But I like the name Grace. It’s been stuck in my head. It’s kind of simple and dumb I know but…” I said and he shook his head.

“I like that a lot. I have to perfect name to go with it. Aimal. Do you like it?” He asked and I nodded.

“Grace Aimal. How’s that sound?” He asked and I nodded. When he said it, it sounded so exotic. His voice was made to say beautiful words

“It’s pretty. What does it mean?” I asked and he smiled to himself.

“It means Hope. We all need it and sometimes I feel like I lack it. I’ve always liked the name so.” He said with a shrug and I nodded.

“Are you going to keep nodding?” He asked with a smirk and I looked down at my desk.

“Shut up.” I said picking at my pants.

He nudged my shoulder.

“I’m just kidding Li. So, Grace Aimal Malik?” He asked and I rolled my eyes.

“How come she can’t be a Payne? Why do I have to take your name?” I asked

“Well I’m not taking your name. Let’s hyphenate it.” He said.

“Grace Aimal Payne-Malik?” He asked.

“I guess so.” I said and he rolled his eyes but smiled never the less.

We won the game that night, of course, we were a pretty good school team. We went into the locker room and I changed quickly before my mom came and picked us up.

“Hey boys, how was the game?” She asked, all smiles.

“It was pretty great, Mrs. Payne.” Harry answered as he got into her car. She made small conversation that only Harry tried to carry until we got out.

“I’ll order a pizza, alright?” My mom asked as she made her way to the kitchen.

“Sounds awesome Mrs. P.” Harry said as he ran upstairs.

“Dude! Netflix now. We’ve gotta catch up on season five.” Harry said and I nodded, turning on my TV.

I felt someone nudge into my bed and I shifted.

“Harry, what are you doing?” I asked, blinking open my eyes.

Once my eyes adjusted to the dark room I realized it wasn’t Harry. It was my Dad.

“Dad, what are you doing? Harry’s here.” I said, motioning over towards the cot in my room that Harry was currently occupying.

“Come on Li. Daddy’s missed his baby boy.” He said, running his hand down the side of my face to cup my neck.

“Dad. Harry could hear you. You can’t do this. Dad please.” I whispered.

“Come on Liam. Just let me.” He reached into my pants and began to stroke me.

“Dad stop.” I spoke and my dad used his other hand to pull my hair.

“Liam, be a good boy for daddy. Don’t you want to be a good boy?” He said and I nodded.

“I do but-“

“Liam! I’m tryna sleep. Shut up.” Harry mumbled and I froze, looking over at the kid. He rolled over so that his face was tucked into the wall and his breathing evened out.

“We have to hurry, before he wakes up.” My dad whispered and I nodded, laying back. He kissed me on the lips harshly, straddling me. I took a shaky breath as he quickly pulled my pants down and hitched one of my legs over his shoulder. He pushed into me and I bit into my t-shirt. He began to thrust in and out of me quickly, panting and groaning over me. His moans permeated my room; it sounded like it was being projected over a loud speaker. I brought one of my fists to my mouth to keep the little groans of pain in. my eyes were watering, and I could taste the blood from my fist dot my lips.

He gripped me in his large fist and began to tug quickly.

“Come on, cum now Liam.” He encouraged and I tossed my head to the side as my orgasm was ripped from me.

“That’s a good boy. That’s a good boy. You’re the most beautiful boy ever I promise. So good.” He muttered before releasing in me. He pulled out after a while. He had collapsed on me from exertion.

“You’re so good.” He whispered, kissing my lips in a bruisingly hard kiss.

He caressed my chin with his thumb, and I closed my eyes.  

He ran his hands through my hair, sighing with content.

He kissed me again, his stubble tickling me and the deep taste of whiskey swirling around my mouth before leaving the room.

I laid down on my floor, feeling his cum leak out of me slowly.

I sat up slowly and sunk back to the floor. I began to repeat the action.

“Li, what are you doing?” He asked.

“Sit ups.” I spoke hollowly, continuing the motion. I needed to work out, I needed to get everything out of me.

“Li, it’s almost four in the morning. Why are you doing this?” He asked, slipping his glasses onto his face.

“I”

Down.

“Dunno”

Down.

“Just”

Down

“Am”

“What number are you on?” He asked.

“Lost count at six hundred.” I said and he sighed.

“Come on li. You’ve gotta stop this.” He said and I shook my head.

“I can’t Harry, you don’t understand.” I said, and he got onto the floor with me.

“Liam, you’re sobbing. Please, just stop.” He said and I shook my head.

“You don’t understand. I need to do this. I gotta do this.” I said and as I sat up he wrapped his arms around me. I instantly froze and it felt like the dam finally broke. I began to sob mercilessly into his shoulder. He lifted me off the floor and dragged me into his cot.

“It’s alright, I’ve got you Li.” He whispered, petting my hair as I sobbed into his shirt. He rocked me gently and soon I fell asleep.


	5. Tutors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam gets a tutor and has a mini freakout.

The next morning Harry operated as if last night never happened. I don’t think I had ever loved a person as much as I had him at that morning. I limped into the bathroom the next morning and washed as normal, he was used to my crazy neurotic washing patterns. Harry went downstairs and I went back into my room, beginning to straighten up. The faint stench of sex was in the air and I clenched my teeth. I balled up my sheets and my pajamas before dropping them downstairs in the laundry room.

“Morning Li.” Harry said quietly, his eyes searching my face and I nodded at him. My mom sat breakfast on the table and we ate in peace.

\---

I walked into English the next morning and laid my head on the table.

“Good morning Li.” Zayn said, nudging my elbow. I raised a hand to signify I heard him but otherwise kept my head on the table.

“Aww, are you sweepy?” Zayn asked, laying his head on my elbow. I looked over at him and shrugged.

“Leave me alone.” I muttered and he smirked.

“You really don’t want me to leave you alone.” He said and I nodded. I really didn’t.

“Alright class, clear off your desks. We have a pop quiz.” Mrs. Sykes said and I swore under my breath. Damn it.

I did as she said and she began to pass the test out. I looked down at the paper and ran my hands through my hair. I was not prepared for this. I looked over at Zayn; he was already halfway through it. I sighed and began to bubble in answers. I finally finished and passed my paper in.

“Thank you, now, I want you guys to partner and discuss act two scene two of Romeo and Juliet, paying particular attention to Friar Lawrence’s monologue on plants. I will be grading your quizzes and you’ll get them back at the end of the period.” Mrs. Sykes said and I sighed. I just got a whole period to talk to Zayn.

“Did you read scene two?” He asked and I nodded.

“Okay good. So what are your thoughts on that speech? What do you think it’s trying to say?” Zayn asked and I sighed.

“I dunno. I thought he was just talking about plants. I don’t get why that scene was so important.” I said and he smirked.

“No, this scene is talking about the duality of life. The constant pull of good versus evil and how those things can easily morph from being a good thing to a bad one.” He said and I scrunched up my face.

“Where did you read that?” I asked and he pulled his leg up to his chest. He was so skinny.

“Lines seventeen to twenty-two. ‘For naught so vile that on the earth doth live  But to the earth some special good doth give, Nor aught so good but strain’d from that fair use  Revolts from true birth, stumbling on abuse: Virtue itself turns vice, being misapplied; And vice sometime’s by action dignified’” Zayn spoke, the words rolling off his tongue from memory. I was absolutely amazed. How was he so smart? How was he even real?

“I still think it’s about plants.” I said begrudgingly and he just chuckled.

“You’ve gotta think bigger than that Li. You’ve got to have imagination. You have to escape that box that is your brain.” He said and I sighed, that’s really all I needed. An escape.

Normally I hated it when people laughed at me, but not him. I liked his laugh.

“Liam, Zayn can you stay back for a couple of minutes?” Mrs. Sykes asked as the bell rang and I sighed, putting my backpack down.

“Yes Mrs. Sykes?” Zayn asked, tucking his reading glasses into his backpack.

“I just graded your pop quizzes. Zayn you’ve done incredible. You’ve gotten every single question right, which I mean is to be expected of an honors student. Liam, however, I’m worried about your progress in this class. So, I’m hoping that I have found a solution for your problem. Zayn, I know you’ve been inquiring about gaining your honors credit and Liam I know you’ve struggling here lately. I propose that you tutor Liam for the time being and I will give you honors credit. I figured since you two were becoming such fast friends, it would help ease the tension and be mutually beneficial. Is that okay with you Zayn, Liam?” She asked looking between Zayn and me.

“Um, if it’s okay with Liam. I’d like that.” Zayn said and I looked over at Zayn.

“Sure, I guess.” I said and she nodded.

“That’s great. Alright, you guys are dismissed.” She said and I nodded, picking up my backpack. Zayn slung his arm around my shoulders.

“I’m glad I have to tutor you over the rest of that class, I swear the rest of the class is modern day Neanderthals. At least I get to tutor someone with brains.” He said and I crinkled my face.

“I’m not smart.” I said and he shook his head, pulling me closer.

“Yes you are, you just have yet to learn to think outside of the box my friend.” He said before departing to his next class.

“Li, you’re going to be late.” Zayn said standing at the door, smirking at me. I smirked back, my eyebrows scrunching up. He rolled his eyes and shooed me away. I turned around and made my way to the health room.

“Where were you?” Harry asked as I sat down in the desk next to his.

“Mrs. Sykes had to talk to me.” I said and he nodded, pulling out his binder. I complied. I hated health. All we ever did was talk about the dangers of cigarettes and steroids. Like how do we even get our hands on steroids?

Soon class was over, thank god if I had to draw another poster showing how cigarettes affected me negatively, I was going to die. In history we watched a video about the monarchies. Suffice to say I was so ready for the bell to ring.

“So, I heard something interesting today.” Harry said as I sat down at the table.

“Really, what did Niall do now?” I asked and he shook his head.

“Not Niall hotshot. You. Apparently some people saw you cuddling and making googly eyes at the new resident, exotic, vogue model genius we know as Zayn. It’s all anyone is talking about.” Harry said and I blushed, looking down at the table.

“We weren’t cuddling. He put his arm around my shoulders. You and Niall do that all the time. It doesn’t mean anything.” I said to the table and Harry scoffed.

“Alright pal. If you say so.” He said and I shrugged.

“Hey Li!” Zayn said bumping his hip into my shoulder. I looked up to see Zayn slide into the seat next to me. He pushed a gelatin cup at me and began to eat his lunch.

“Hey Zayn.” I said and began to poke at the gelatin.

“So, you’re coming over to my house tonight for the project? Unless you want me to go to yours…”Zayn said and I shook my head.

“We can hang at yours.” I said.

 

“So, you-” Zayn began, leaning against my locker.

“Why do you get to be Daddy?” Harry asked Louis and I turned away from locker to look at them.

“It’s really not that big of a deal Haz. I’m older, and I’m more of the man. You’re the nurturer.” He said and Harry slammed his locker first.

“I’m the woman? Are you kidding me! You are the twinkiest of twinks. You’re totally the girl!” He yelled and Louis’ face turned red.

“This is about to get really bad.” I whispered to Zayn.

“Well let’s be honest Hazza babe. You already call me daddy, besides, I’m not the one being bent over things am I?” Louis said and my eyes widened. Harry turned red from head to toe, his chest beginning to rise and fall quickly. He began to breathe shallowly, tears falling down his face. He began to clutch at his chest. Asthma attack.

“Haz, baby I’m sorry. Don’t let yourself get worked up like this. I was kidding. No one heard that alright. Please, just breathe. Where’s your inhaler?” Louis began to ask Harry, rifling through his backpack. He found it and held it out to Harry. Harry ripped it from his hand and took two sprays before closing his eyes. He took a couple of deep breaths before opening his eyes.

“I hate you so much.” He muttered before turning away from Louis and walking away.

I guess this week they were going to be off. That really sucked for their project.

“Is Harry okay?” Zayn asked and I nodded.

“Yeah. I swear they do this once a week. They’ll be back together in no time” I said and Zayn shook his head.

“I meant his freak out.” Zayn said.

“Yeah. His asthma is triggered by emotions. He’s really bad about that.” I said and Zayn nodded.

“My mom’s here” Zayn said and I followed him to the car, looking back as Harry made his way to his mom’s car.

She took the girls again with her and I went up to Zayn’s room.

“I’m going downstairs to get something to drink. Want something?” He asked.

“Sure.” I said and he nodded before disappearing around the corner. I wandered around his room, looking at all of his art. He was so talented. I let my hand trail over his bookshelf where notebooks were lined up perfectly. Something fell on the floor and I bent down to pick it up.

It was a pill bottle. His name was printed across the label. I struggled to read the medicine name.

Tig-tegr- te

What the hell was that?

“Hey, I brought you a Peanut butter sandwich, I hope you don’t mind, but I’m starving and I hate eating alone.” He said and I turned quickly.

“What are you doing?” He asked suspiciously and I shook my head.

“Nothing, just looking at your notebooks. What’s in them?” I asked and his face turned red as he put the tray on the table and walked up to me.

“Nothing, just silly little things really. Don’t worry about it.” He said, swiping the pill bottle and throwing it into his drawer.

“What’s in them?” I asked again and he shook his head.

“I just write sometimes you know.” He said, sitting on his bed.

“About what?” I asked, sitting on the floor next to him.

“about things that interest me. I write fanfiction.” He said with a shrug.

“Cool. Can I read one?” I asked and he turned red.

“No! I mean, it’s not anything good. Besides, we should start working on our project.” He said and I shrugged, pulling out my notebook.

“I don’t like being called Daddy.” I said and Zayn looked at me weird.

“Didn’t think we were close enough for this conversation.” He said and my face paled.

“No, not like that. I meant just like in the terms of kids. Like Harry and Louis were arguing about. I just don’t want my kids to call me daddy.” I said and he nodded.

“Why?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Just don’t like it.” I said and he shrugged.

“To each his own. I’d go by baba.” He said and I nodded.

“So Baba and papa, our kids gonna be unique.” I said and he laughed.

“At least it won’t be Daddy and Dad. Like that’s stupid.” He said and I nodded.

“What would father be in Arabic?” I asked and he looked down at me.

“Walidy. We could technically be baba and Walidy. Baba just carries a warmer connotation.” He said, picking at his pillow.

“I think I’d like to be called walimabob. Sorry, I sound stupid trying to speak your language.” I said and he laughed.

“I think I like walimabob the best. That’s definitely what I’d call you.” He said with a laugh and I smirked along.

“Alright babe, let’s start the work.” He said nonchalantly, opening his Early childhood development book.

 

I got up from the floor and cracked my back as Waliyah ran into his room.

“What did I tell you about coming in my room without knocking?” Zayn asked the little girl sternly and she looked down at the floor.

“You said not to.” She mumbled.

“Exactly.” He said, but held his hands out for her. She jumped on the bed with him he plopped her in his lap.

He leaned over and whispered something in her ear.

She shook her head, hiding her head in his shirt. He rolled his eyes but smiled. He whispered something in her ear again and she sighed.

“Hi Liyam.” She said and he smiled.

“That a girl. Not so bad right?” He said and I took a deep breath, a deep pain hitting me in my chest.

“You okay?” Zayn asked, looking at me with wide eyes.

“Yeah, sorry. My back hurts from sitting the way I was. My dad’s on his way, so I should be going. Bye Zayn, bye waliyah. It was nice seeing you.” He dumped her onto his bed and stood up next to me.

“Let me walk downstairs at least.” He said and I nodded. He grabbed my arm and I let him guide me down the stairs.

“Bye Li.” He said waving as I left and I ducked my head in response. I got into my dad’s car and made it all the way to my room before I started crying.

What was wrong with me?


	6. baby clothes shopping and puppy dog gaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam and Zayn Bond some more and Liam gets a puppy.

The next morning Zayn sat next to me, quietly putting his stuff down.

“What’s wrong?” I asked and he shook his head.

“Just a lot on my mind. How are you doing?” He asked, and I shrugged.

“Same as always.” I said and he cocked his head.

“What does that mean?” He asked and my face scrunched up in confusion.

“That I feel the same that I feel every day.” He opened his mouth as if he were going to say something but shook his head instead.

“Are you still coming over tonight?” He asked and I shrugged.

“If I don’t have lacrosse practice.” I said and he nodded, biting his lip.

“alright.”

“Hazza. I come bearing gifts.” Louis said and he glared at him.

“Come on Haz. I brought you starbucks. Your favorite. Look hun. I’m so sorry that I’m such a prick. Do you want me to scream it from the rooftops?” Louis stood up on the table.

“I, Louis Tomlinson, am an idiotic prick who hurts his boyfriend even though he is madly in love with the boy, because he’s a big fuck-” Harry grabbed his hand and pulled him off of the table.

“Will you get off the table, loser.” Harry said.

“Do you forgive me?” He asked and harry rolled his eyes.

“Of course I do.” He said, kissing the boy on the cheek. I turned away as I heard Niall snap a picture.

“Louis Tomlinson! You’re not supposed to be in this lunch.” I looked up to see Paul, the lunch monitor amble towards us.

“Gotta go babe. Loving a lawbreaker is never easy.” Louis said, kissing Harry on the forehead before racing out the cafeteria before Paul could catch him.

“What an idiot.” Harry said, his face a deep red.

“You love that idiot.” Niall said and his face turned a deeper red.

I laughed and looked over at Zayn who was looking at me.

“They are something.” He said, pushing a pudding cup towards me. I nodded while opening the pudding cup.

 

“Alright class, the moment leading up to the moment you all have been waiting for, it’s baby…clothes shopping time!” Mrs. Teasdale said and the boys of the class groaned, well besides Louis. Louis loved shopping almost as much as Eleanor, the class prima donna, did. In fact, I’m pretty sure they go on shopping trips together.

“Oh shopping, every gay man’s wet dream.” Zayn whispered in my ear and I laughed.

“Alright, so you guys will pick out outfits for your bundle of joys, who will be delivered sometime this week. The minimum amount of outfits you have to get is six. Choose carefully!” Mrs. Teasdale said, sitting back behind her desk and pulling out a cash register.

She was elaborate.

“Happy shopping!” She said and I looked over at Zayn.

He lolled his tongue at me and I shook my head.

We got up and began to look around.

“Oh my god! Look at this hat. It’s so cute.” I heard someone say and I looked back to see it was Louis.

I totally thought it was a girl.

“We are not dressing my kid up in those hipster clothes. Put that fedora down.” Louis said and I rolled my eyes at him.

“Well, we have a girl, so you wanna just look at some dresses?” He asked and I shrugged.

“What do we need six outfits for a doll for?” Zayn asked and I shook my head.

“Mrs. Teasdale has a special sensor on the clothes that shows how many times we changed it. It’s a bit ridiculous really.” I said, picking up a blue onesie.

He picked up a black onesie.

“Oh it’s batman!” I said, picking it up.

He shrugged, rifling through the bin.

“Batman’s my favorite superhero.” I said and he nodded.

“he’s pretty cool, for being DC.” Zayn said, picking up a pink dress and draping it over his arm.

“What do you mean for being DC? DC is the best comic distributor. Hands down.”  I said, picking up some baby socks.

“I think you mean Marvel.”  Zayn said, picking up a t-shirt.

“No, I mean DC, Detective comics, the great creators of Batman, Wonder Woman, and the Green lantern.” I said and he rolled his eyes, draping another dress over my arm.

“Yeah, they are such great superheroes. I’ll give you Batman, ‘cause he’s badass, but DC can’t be redeemed because you guys have superman. The big blue boy scout and all his idiotic clones that ended up breaking continuity. Nothing can be forgiven for that.” I said and he laughed.

“You’re right, that was the stupidest storyline I’d ever heard of.” I said and he clipped me by the shoulder.

“So, who’s your favorite superhero?” I asked and he shrugged.

“I like the hulk.” He said, grabbing a pair of shoes.

“Alright boys you have six outfits,  that’ll be $105. Have a good day.”  She said, marking our budget card. She printed off a receipt and Zayn looked over at me.

Yeah, she’s nuts.

“So, are you coming to my house tonight?” He asked and I shrugged.

“I’ve got lacrosse tonight.” I couldn’t skip anymore practices, coach knew I wasn’t hurt anymore.

“Oh, maybe we can meet after lacrosse?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Sure.” I said.

The bell rang and I went to practice.

“Go work on your aim.” Coach said, pointing me to the edge of the field. I scooped up a ball and began chucking them into the goal.

‘Hey Li.” I looked over to see Harry.

“Hey Harry. How many outfits did you guys end up buying?” I asked, chucking a ball into the goal.

“I think I stopped Lou at twenty.”

“Why the hell do you need that many outfits?” I asked and Harry shrugged.

“Something about options. I don’t know. So, we’ve got a special visitor at practice.” Harry said and I sighed,

“What did Niall do now?” I asked and he shook his head.

“Not everything is about Niall. And it’s somebody for you. Look up.” I looked up, hoping to god it wasn’t my father.

It was Zayn.

Thank God.

Or Allah, I’m not really sure how that works.

He waved at me, his jacket tucked close to his chest.  This weather was a bit nippy for fall.

I waved back at him before trotting to the bleachers.

“What are you doing?” I asked and he smirked.

“You said you had practice. I decided I should wait for you. Is that okay?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Yeah, it’s fine. I doubt I’ll be doing anything but this for a while. You can come down and keep me company maybe?” I said and he shrugged, hopping over the fence.

Coach made me stay there for the rest of the practice so it wasn’t really that big of a deal. Zayn began to get itchy and took my Crosse stick from me. I might have chased him for it. I definitely picked him up and swung him around.

Harry may have sung _The Start of Something New_ at us. He’s ridiculous. Soon practice was over and I was walking with Zayn. We were waiting for his mom’s car. Apparently I was invited for dinner or something.

“You know, I’ve never played in the leaves.” Zayn asked and I shook my head.

“Why not?” I asked and he looked at the ground.

“My parents were very protective of me when I was little.” He said and I nodded.

“You should do it one d- did you hear that?” I asked and he rolled his eyes, stuffing his hands deeper into his jacket.

“Whatever.” He said.

“Wait, there it goes again. Something is in those bushes.” I said and he shook his head.

“You’re not going to scare me Li. I’m not falling for that.” He said and I shook my head, holding my finger to my lips.

“I’m serious, there’s something in those bushes man, I’m going to go check it out.” I said and he shook his head.

“Babe, whatever is in those bushes sounds like it doesn’t want to be disturbed. Don’t be a hero.” He said and I blushed at the use of the new nickname.

“Don’t be such a baby.” I said ducking over to the bushes.

I screamed and ducked down into the bushes.

“Oh my god.” Zayn said with a scream.

I peeked my head out of the bushes.

“got you.” I said and he crossed his arms.

“Jerk.” He said and I shook my head.

“But there really is something in the bushes.” I said and he cringed.

“I don’t wanna see it.” He said.

“You do, trust me.” I said and pulled the small black dog out of the bushes.

“Oh my… it’s so cute. Does it have a tag?” He asked, kneeling in the bushes with me.

“No, the little fellow looks like it hasn’t been fed in a while either. No collar no nothing. Looks like it was abandoned.” I said, scratching the dog behind the ear.

“Are you keeping it?” He asked and I looked at the dog.

“Yeah, I don’t think my parents will mind. Come on Alfred, you’re coming with me.” I said and he laughed at me.

“Alfred. Really?” He said but shook his head at me.

“What? It’s a strong name.” I said and he went to scratch the dog’s ear. A silver band around his wrist caught my eye as it glared in the setting sun. His eyes landed on the piece of jewelry and he pulled down his sleeve quickly.

“Come on, we’ve got to hurry, I’m sure my mom’s here.” He said, walking in front of me.

That night, we ate dinner with his family. It was so strange. They talked during dinner, laughed and looked like they enjoyed each other’s company.  

“Come back any time honey.” Zayn’s mom called out to me as she carried Safaa upstairs.

“Liyam!” I looked down to see Waliyah cling to my legs.

“’liyah. Chill out.” Zayn said and she rolled her eyes at him.

“It’s not that big of a deal really.” I said and he shook his head.

“She knows better.” He said, pulling the girl off my leg.

“Go upstairs.” He said and she stomped off.

“Sorry about that. My family’s kind of wild.” Zayn said, scratching the back of his neck.

“It’s not a problem. It’s nice to have a family like that I guess.” I said and he cocked his head to the side.

“My family’s not the overtly affectionate type. I mean, we’re affectionate, but we don’t act like you guys do.” I said, looking down.

I looked up and out the window to see my dad’s car waiting on me.

“I gotta go. See you later.” I waved and he pulled me into a hug.

“See ya.” He whispered before letting me go. I nodded and made my way to the car.

“Hey scout, have fun?” He asked and I shrugged as I looked back at Zayn’s house.

“Dinner will be ready in a minute.” My mom said and I walked into the kitchen, cuddling Alfred to my chest.

“I already ate. Look what I’ve got.” I said, leaning against the counter. She turned to look at me and smiled.

“It’s precious.” She said, putting her hands on her thighs as she stared at it.

“Yeah, Zayn and I found it. I’m keeping it” I said and she nodded, completely smitten with it.

“So, how come I’ve never met this mysterious Zayn?” She asked and I shrugged.

“I’m going to Zayn’s house on Friday after the game. We get the baby that day. I’m spending the night.” I said and she nodded.

“That’s good honey.” She hummed.

“ Um well, I’m going to go upstairs to work on some homework.” I said before bounding up the stairs, the puppy in my arms.

“Li you awake?” My dad began and I sat up on the bed.

“Yeah.” I whispered and I heard his socked foot kick my door closed softly.

He slipped onto my bed and began to unbutton my pajama shirt.

“Do you love me?” He asked and I nodded, hissing as he bit into my pec.

“More than anyone in the world?” He asked and I nodded again as he nipped at my stomach.

“Good boy. Daddy loves you more than anyone else.” He whispered sinking his fingers into my pajama bottoms. I could feel myself hardening as he made his way down, nipping and scratching at my thighs. I leaned my head back against the headboard as I felt him close his mouth over me. I put my hand over my face not wanting to see the way his cheeks hollowed out.

I don’t know what was up, he rarely blew me.

I came embarrassingly quickly, feeling dirty.   
“Did that feel good?” He asked and I felt myself nodding. God I hated myself so much.

“All daddy ever wants is to make his beautiful boy happy.” He said and I nodded, swallowing down the tears thickly.

“You wanna make daddy feel good?” He asked and I nodded numbly, climbing into his lap.

He thrusted in between my thighs for a while until he released all over me.

“Good boy. Can’t risk hurting you tonight, you have a game on Friday. I’m so proud of you scout.” He said and I felt my skin turn pink.

He left the room and I slid into my blanket, not even wiping his filth off of me.

I was so tired.


	7. ink my skin with your name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam and Zayn bond after a lacrosse game and Liam does something he regrets.

“Li come on!” Zayn said, pulling me onto his bed. I froze, feeling myself bounce slightly. He leaned into me and I took a deep breath.

“You okay?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Fine, I’m fine. What were you showing me?” I asked and he pointed to his notebook.

“Third act of Romeo and Juliet.” He said and I nodded.

“Sorry, I got distracted, yeah Romeo and Juliet. Continue.” I said and he rolled his eyes but began to read to me.

I’d never sat on another boy’s bed before. I’d never sat on a bed with anyone but my dad.

I didn’t know how to feel about it.

\---

That Friday the school buzzed with excitement. It was a big game. And I got to be first string, which was some kind of big deal because kids who had shoved my heads in the toilets were now clapping me on the back.

“Are you excited?” Zayn asked me and I shrugged.

“I guess, I’m afraid I’ll mess up and we’ll lose.” I said and he shook his head.

“You’ll be great. Trust me.” He said and I shrugged.

“Smile hotshot.” I looked up to see Niall snapping a picture of us.

I rolled my eyes and he smiled.

“Big game tonight, you excited?” Niall asked and I rolled my eyes.

“Why does everyone ask that?” I asked and he rolled his eyes.

“Because people with normal social skills have more than one emotion, and sometimes they showcase such emotions to events that everyone else is happy about.” Niall said and Harry elbowed him.

“What’d you do that for?” Niall asked and Harry rolled his eyes.

“You’re an idiot.” Harry said and I looked down at my sandwich. Zayn insisted that I eat before a big game. I didn’t see the big deal. Wasn’t like eating was going to help me at all. I still sucked. In fact, eating would only slow me down.

My phone began to vibrate at the same time as Zayn’s and Harry’s.

“What the hell is this? Bring it on? Did Vance send us a video of the Flamingo’s pulling off a tumbling pass we could only dream to have?” Zayn asked snarkily and I found myself laughing, and not my normal one, but the crinkly eyes, hysterical laugh.

“You’re cute when you laugh.” He said and I looked at him, still chuckling, yet my face turning red.

“Your precious bundle of joy has been delivered. Time to light up a cigar, you’re a proud papa.” I read my text message out loud and looked up at Zayn.

“Darn, I didn’t even get to cut the umbilical cord.” He deadpanned and I laughed again.

“Come on giggles, time to pick up our little girl.” He said practically dragging me from my chair and to Mrs. Teasdale’s classroom.

“Time to sign the birth certificate.” Mrs. Teasdale said and Zayn signed his name before I did.

I picked up the doll and Zayn smiled at me before grabbing the car seat.

“Family photo!” Mrs. Teasdale yelled, snapping a picture of us.

Psycho.

 

I looked up at the stands, practicing my shots. I had five minutes until it was time to play. Niall was on the sideline, setting up a tripod. I nodded at him and he waved back. I looked further up in the stands to see a car seat. Beside the car seat was Zayn. He was bundled up in a black peacoat, but I could see the school t-shirt peeking through. He had gold and red across his cheeks and my number written on his cheeks.

I smiled up at him and waved. He took his jacket off and turned around. My name was on his homemade t-shirt.

I ran up to the bleachers and shook my head at him.

“What are you doing?” I asked and he smiled.

“I’ve come to watch my husband in action.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“You’re insane. Nice shirt.” I said.

“thank you.” He said and I smiled. He kissed me on the cheek before turning me loose.

“Good luck spartan.” He said and I nodded before looking back up into the bleachers. My father had just sat down. He waved at me and I waved back before trotting back onto the field.

 

A deafening roar filled the stands and I looked up at the score. We’d won. I looked down at my Crosse stick. I’d shot the winning goal. I looked into the stands to see Zayn clapping wildly. Harry had thrown down his clipboard and was trying to chest bump coach. It wasn’t happening. I raised my arms in the air and caught my dad’s eye. He looked so damn proud.

I quickly gathered my stuff, before heading to my father’s car like he’d told me in the text that he sent me. My mom had sent him with my overnight bag. I opened the front door and went to grab my bag.

“Get in.” He said and I obliged.

“I’m so proud of you. You were so beautiful out there.” He said, palming himself and I sighed.

“I’m going home with Zayn tonight, to work on my project.” I said, my hand sliding uneasily to the door latch.

“I know, I just. Don’t you think it’d be nice to give daddy something for letting you go?” He asked and I sighed.

“Yes sir.” I said and he smiled.

“Good boy.” He unbuckled his belt and leaned his chair back a little bit. I leaned over the console and wrapped my lips around his already hard member.

“Good boy. Good boy. That’s a boy.” My dad chanted, running his hands through my hair. I could feel the tears collected in the side of my eyes as he thrusted deeper into my throat. I relaxed my jaw and let myself take his length easier. He began to thrust harder into my throat, pushing and pulling my head down until he came deep down my throat. I gagged but otherwise swallowed.

“Good boy. Alright, let’s do-” I heard whooping and I quickly popped off of him, wiping at my mouth self- consciously. He tucked himself in right as someone knocked on the door.

“Hi Mr. Payne.” Zayn said once my dad rolled down the window. I discreetly cleaned my mouth out with Listerine.

“Oh, is this the Zayn you’ve been talking about?” My Dad asked and I nodded as Zayn blushed.

“Yeah, he’s my partner for Childhood dev. We should get going.” I said, grabbing my bag quickly and pulling Zayn along.

“Well it was nice to meet you Mr. Payne.” He called back.

I smoothed my gray beanie over my pulled and raw hair.

“Your dad seems nice, how come I’ve never met him?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Just haven’t thought about it, I guess.” I said, scuffing my boot.

“Your breath smells really good. Just because you scored the winning game doesn’t mean I’m going to kiss you stud.” He said before leaning into my ear. “Or maybe I will.” He whispered.

I paused and he stopped beside me.

“I was kidding.” He said and I took a deep breath.

“Who said I wanted you to kiss me?” I shot back impressed to hear my voice actually sound jovial.

“Oh, shut up.” He said hitting me.

I got into the car and looked into the rearview mirror. My lips looked swollen. God I was a wreck.  I really hope no one noticed.

We got back to his house and I was attacked by the girls once we got in the house.

“Liyam!” Waliyah yelled, jumping on me. I picked her up and Zayn rubbed her hair.

She willingly went into his arms and he squeezed her tight.

“I’m taking the girls over to Denise’s. I’ll see you in the morning. Behave and call me if anything happens.” She said to Zayn as she began to tangle the girl from his arms and he nodded.

“Nothing’s going to happen. It hasn’t happened in a while. I’ve got everything under control.” He said and she nodded before kissing him on the forehead. She did the same to me before leaving.

“Sorry about her. She’s so… out there.” He said and I shrugged.

“She didn’t have to leave. I feel bad for making her leave.” I said and he shook his head.

“It’s not you. It’s the baby. She said after hearing the three of us wail she doesn’t ever wanna hear that sound again.” He said, taking off his jacket and hanging it on the coat hanger.

“Oh, cool.” I said and he went to the kitchen, pulling out the phonebook.

“So, what do you want for dinner?” He asked, sitting on the counter. I shrugged and he pulled me closer to him so that I was leaning on the counter near him.

“Maybe Pizza?” He asked and I shrugged.

“whatever you want.” I said and he shook his head.

“You have a choice Li. Choose.” He said and I shrugged.

“I guess Chinese.” I said and he smiled.

“Excellent choice sir.” He hopped off the counter and bowed at me.

“You’re an idiot.” I said and he smirked.

“Your idiot.” He said before blushing.

“Uh, I’ll go order. You can head to my room, or shower or something.” He said. I nodded and made my way to the bathroom.

Once the Chinese had arrived, we’d both showered and the baby had cried four times. Zayn was a natural at it. He was always there always with the right thing for it.

Finally Grace went to ‘sleep.’

“Do you want to paint?” He asked and I raised an eyebrow

“What?” I asked.

“Do you want to paint the ceiling, or the wall or something.” He asked and I shrugged.

“I’d only mess it up. I’m no good.” I said and he shook his head.

“Nonsense. The real beauty in art isn’t the angles and precision in the lines, it is intent and emotion. I paint when I’m really upset, or when something important happens in my life. I paint when I’m really happy. And tonight, I’m really happy. So paint. I want you a part of my wall.” He said and I smiled.

“Sure, but I’m terrible at it.” I said and he shook his head.

“Just go with your emotions.” He said. He slipped off his bed and put newspaper down before squirting paint into a Styrofoam plate. He slipped out of his socks and dipped his feet into the paint before rolling onto his bed on his back. He began to step carefully up his wall until the footprints became too light to see. Somehow that was so beautiful. I dipped my hand in the paint and pressed it against the wall. Somehow it wasn’t as poetic as his feet print. He dipped his hand in paint and grasped mine so that the colors mixed in this really cool unique way. I pressed my hand against the wall again, and he pressed his next to mine. His hands were so much smaller than mine, daintier. He smiled and I dipped my finger in paint and signed my name across the bottom before dragging it across the wall to the other side of the room. He went to the other side and signed his name right where my line stopped.

“It’s really good now. It was missing something, but now it’s perfect.” He said and I smiled as he hugged me to him, careful not to get paint all over me.

I washed my hands later and laid across his bed.

“Can I draw on you?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Why not?” I said and he smiled before getting out a felt sharpie. He began to trail the marker across my arms and I closed my eyes.

“Your body is a masterpiece I swear. You’re so fit.” He said as he traced the marker over my bicep.

“I guess. So uh, your boyfriend won’t get mad that you’re drawing all over me?” I asked and he stopped to look up at me.

“Boyfriend?” He asked.

“On your phone. I saw it the first day. That guy…” I said, scratching at the back of my neck with my spare hand.

“Danny? Ew no. He’s just my friend from where I used to live. There is nothing there.” He said and continued to draw on me.

“Do you love Waliyah?” I asked and he nodded, intently working at something on my wrist.

“Yeah. She’s my favorite.” He said and I nodded.

“Does she like it?” I asked and he looked up at me suspiciously.

“Does she like what?” He asked and I froze.

“When you touch her?” I asked and he looked up at me, his eyes wide.

“Did you just ask me if my sister liked it when I touched her? Why would I touch my sister? Ew. Dude what the fuck.” He said and my eyes widened. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

“But you said you loved her.” I whispered and he leaned up.

“Yeah, but not like that. That’s not love. Li, why would you ask that?” He said gently.

Fuck, he could see me freaking out.

“Did someone… hurt you?” He asked and I shook my head.

“No dude. It was a joke. What the fuck.” I said trying to pass it off and he looked down at my hand before continuing to draw across it, silence encompassing the room.

“Can I read some of your fanfiction?” I asked him and he hid his face in the pillow.

“No, it’s embarrassing.” He said and I shook my head.

“I’m sure it’s great, please?” I murmured and he shrugged, leaning over to draw on my neck.

“I guess. But don’t laugh.” He said and I got out of bed and went to the notebooks.

“Which one?” I asked and he pointed to a green one.

“I guess that one.” He said and I pulled the notebook out, opening to the first page.

_Billy stood outside of the door, his foot tapping impatiently. He didn’t realize that this would be something he would have to do. He wasn’t the one who was supposed to be strong for Teddy. Teddy was supposed to be his rock, his salvation when everything got to be too much and he wanted to crawl into a ball and die. But here he was, standing outside of the bedroom door, listening as Teddy quietly sobbed._

_“Please Teddy, let me in. That’s all you’ve ever wanted, was for me to let you in, and now here I am. Please let me in.” Billy pled and he heard the shuffle of some feet before the door opened. Sure he could’ve opened the door himself, but he’d promised himself and Teddy that they’d never use their powers on each other._

_“I don’t know who I am.” Teddy whispered and Billy sat beside of the strong teen. Teddy was always the proverbial brick wall, his body was fit, his arms thick. So it was strange when Billy found himself wrapping his skinny arms around him. It didn’t feel like it was enough, but with the way Teddy sunk into his arms, just maybe it was._

 

“That was really good.” I said, staring up at Zayn in awe.  
“No it wasn’t. Really it was terrible.” Zayn said and I shook my head.

“You made it sound like they loved each other so much.” I said, leaning against the headboard next to Zayn.

“Keep still. I’m trying to draw.” He said, hiding his face.

“And thanks.” He mumbled after a while.

“I want a cuddle.” Zayn muttered at me and I sighed, rolling over to look at him.

“What?” I asked.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had a cuddle and I want one. Come cuddle me.” He said and I groaned but rolled over so that his arms were wrapped around me.

“Not exactly what I meant. But it’s okay. You look like you need a good cuddle babe.” He said, kissing the top of my head as he hugged me to his chest.

“You’re my favorite babe.” He whispered, pressing my nose.

“To tell you the truth, you’re my favorite too.” I whispered to the top of his head.

My dad didn’t cuddle me. Not before we fucked and not after.

I awoke sometime around two a.m. to feel someone pressed against me. An erection was pressing insistently into my spine and I bit my lip, fear coursing through me.

“No dad.” I whimpered before noticing the tanned hand that was thrown over my waist. I was at Zayn’s. I tried to remind myself.

He whimpered behind me and I pressed back into him.

_“Come on baby boy, you’re so beautiful.”_ I clamped my eyes closed.

_“Help daddy out now. Make me feel good. I make you feel good don’t I?”_  My father’s words echoed in my ears and I ground my body back into Zayn’s.

He took a shaky, shallow breath behind me and I felt his hips rock up to meet mine.

_“That a boy. Such a good boy. Come on… make me cum baby._ ” I ground back harder, more persistent. I had to make him cum.

_“Right there, god right there, good boy, good boy!”_ I bit down on my wrist and I pushed up against him. His hips met mine and stuttered before I felt him pulse against me. He made a strained noise in the back of my throat and I looked back to see his jaw drop open.

“Such a good boy. Daddy’s favorite boy. Such a good beautiful boy.” I heard my dad whisper.

Zayn’s eyes remained closed. He was asleep the whole time. I turned towards him and dragged his body close to mine. He sighed into me and burrowed his body in close to me. He stayed asleep.

I didn’t.

“Leeyum… Get the baby.” Zayn complained as Grace began to wail. I got out of bed and picked up the doll, rocking it gently as I fed it. Soon it stopped and I laid back in bed, his body automatically fitting into mine.  It was six.


	8. Illness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn's illness presents itself and he tells Liam a little about his background.

The next morning I awoke to Zayn snuggling deeper into my chest. Paint still slashed across his hair and his face.

“Don’t leave.” Zayn murmured and I shook my head.

“Wake up Z.” I said and he opened his eyes. They sparkled in the sunlight that streamed through his window. I’d never really noticed how magnificent they were. I’d also never noticed the dark circles that laid under them.

“What time is it?” He asked, rubbing at his eyes.

“I slept in, it’s like eight.” I said and he groaned.

“No!!! It’s still too early. Wake me at noon.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“Zayn, up.” I said and he shifted before his eyes popped opened.

“I gotta go, to the bathroom.” He said, quickly jumping out of the bed, his face red.

He must have found the cum in the front of his pajamas.

I sat up, looking down at my arms. Black ink trailed up my arms in various patterns.

He came back twenty minutes later.

“I’m going to shower.” I said, quickly walking by the still blushing boy.

I stepped into the shower and watched as the black ink slipped down the drain. I scrubbed at my hair, trying to get the bad thoughts out of my head.

I could only remember the fact that I got him off.

Why did I do that? What if he remembered? What would I do?

“Li! You okay?” I heard Zayn ask and I wiped my face off.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” I said.

I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist before getting dressed.

I went home with black ink all over my wrist and ankles. He’d gotten part of my stomach too before I freaked out and pushed him off of me. Of course I disguised it as me being ticklish, which I was.

 “How was your trip?” My mom asked and I smiled.

“It was nice, Zayn’s nice.” I said and she smiled at me like I hadn’t seen her do in a long time.

“That’s excellent honey.” She said and I nodded before running upstairs. I dropped on my bed and my phone vibrated under me.

_Had a great time. Can’t wait to do it again._

I smiled genuinely and looked back at my phone.

_‘me either. Thanks.’_

I sent back before looking back down at my wrist.

On the inside was written,

**Liam James Payne**

**+**

**Zayn Javaad Malik.**

I smiled at the ink, pressing my hands against it.

I hoped this wouldn’t rub off in the shower.

I had the baby Sunday night, which, let me tell you, was hell, and the next morning I found myself sitting in Mrs. Sykes class.

“Li, you okay?” Zayn asked and I nodded, my head threatening to fall on the table.

“Tough night?” He asked and I shrugged. For now, school hours, the baby was relatively behaved. It only made small cooing noises throughout the day. I nudged the car seat with my foot and Zayn smiled at me.

“You’re ridiculous. I swear.” He said, nudging me with his shoulder.

“I uh, I got you something.” He said and I looked at him sideways. He slipped me a sheet of paper and I turned it around. It was of Teddy and Billy, the characters from his story. On the bottom was an excerpt from his story.

“You liked my story, so I figured you’d like this.” He said and I smiled. It was absolutely amazing, the way Billy was leaning into Teddy’s arms.

“Alright, let’s continue on our journey through Shakespeare. I thought that it would be good to start the film up to where we last read.” Zayn swayed against me slightly and I looked over at him.

“You okay?” I asked and he nodded.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Mrs. Sykes flipped off the lights and I felt him stiffen beside me, crying out as he fell to the floor. His body began to shake and I heard her tsk.

“Really Mr. Malik. I don’t expect this type of behavior. Now get up this instance.” Mrs. Sykes said.

He grunted, his body rocking.

“Mr. Malik?” She asked and I leaned over my seat.

“Z?” I asked and got no response.

The class began to laugh and I felt my heart pound.

“Mrs. Sykes, this isn’t a joke.” I said.

“Hold him down!” One girl shouted.

“Stick something in his mouth.” I heard another girl shout.

“I’ve got something to stick in his mouth.”

“Max you’re gross.” Another girl yelled.

What idiots.

I climbed out of my desk and began to push other people’s desks away. He had struck his head against the corner of one of the chairs and now his cheek was bleeding. I grabbed his jerking arm and tried to read his medical bracelet.

“It’s okay, you’re okay Zayn.” I whispered to him.

Eventually he stopped shaking and I slipped him on his side, balling up my sweater and putting it under his head. His lips were a pale blue. He blinked his eyes opened and looked up at me.

“What happened? I’m so tired.” He said, his breathing heavy and thick. He struggled to sit up.

“You- you had a seizure. It lasted for about three minutes.” I said and he gasped.

“Damn, that’s bad.” He said, wiping his mouth. Spit and blood were mixing and dripping down his chin.

“Mr. Payne, can you please escort Mr. Malik to the Nurse’s station?” Mrs. Sykes said and he clamped his eyes shut. I gently lifted him and carried him to the nurse’s office.

I laid him down on the cot and he closed his eyes.

“What was that?” I asked and he flopped his hand over his face.

“A tonic-clonic seizure.” He said with a shrug.

“But why did you have it?” I asked, sitting on the cot next to him.

“I’m- I’m epileptic.” He said, his face burning bright red.

“Damn it! I can’t believe that just happened. I just had a fucking seizure. Now everyone’s going to know how much of a freak I am.” He said and I grabbed his hand.

“You’re not a freak Zayn.” I said and he looked over at me, his eyes misty.

“Mr. Malik… I’m nurse Amy.” The woman said as she began to flip through her chart and I threaded my fingers through Zayn’s.

 

“Zayn, you okay?” Harry asked as we sat down at lunch. He leaned heavily on me.

“Yeah, just tired.” He said and I gently rubbed the top of his head.

“Hey Zayn!” I looked up to see two idiots pretend to seize up.

“Loser.” One of the guys yelled, they high-fived and started laughing.

“Yo! Leave him alone.” I said and one of the guys sobered up.

The other looked at me and sneered.

“Just because you join the lacrosse team doesn’t mean I forgot who you are. You’re the same fat wannabe you’ve always been.” The other guy said before turning and walking away. Zayn grabbed my hand, his trembling just as much as mine.

“Ignore those pricks.” Harry said, shaking his head. I pushed my plate away anyway.

 

 That day after school, I went to Zayn’s house. He was very quiet during school, unwilling to talk to me.

“How does your mouth feel?” I asked, sitting down on his bed. He shrugged, mixing some paint on one of those circular things that artists used.

“I’m fine, jaw hurts as usual. My mouth’s so raw I doubt I’ll eat anything for the next couple of days.” He said, setting up an easel.

“Lucky.” I found myself mumble. He looked over at me and I shrugged.

“At least you can eat ice-cream all the time now.” I said and he smiled at me. It didn’t quite reach his eyes. He looked really tired, even though he slept through Early Childhood Development.

He began to slash paint across the canvas, his strokes slow and deliberate. They began to speed up and I went to stand behind him.

“Z?” I asked and he collapsed in my arms. He didn’t cry, didn’t curse. He just breathed deeply into my sweater and clutched onto me for dear life.

“Do you want to talk?” I asked and he shrugged. He sat down on the bed, dragging me with him.

“Can I tell you something?” He asked and I nodded. His hand found my thigh and I held my breath. He stroked it once before letting it fall between us.

“Can I tell you why my dad left?” He asked.

Did his dad love him like my dad loved me? Did he love Zayn too much?

“It uh, it was last year. My dad had had some of his friends over for Eid-Al. It’s a holiday. It was my favorite holiday. Well, I guess I was too excited for Eid-Al. My seizures always get really bad when I stop sleeping. If I’m under stress or if I’m too excited, I don’t sleep well. Anyway, I got too bad; I didn’t even see it coming. One minute I was pouring my dad’s friends something to drink and I stiffened. I went into a tonic state. Then I fell over, I spilled the juice everyway. We had this really white carpet in the living room, really expensive and we couldn’t walk in there. When he let me in, I felt important, because only men could go in there, and he let me. I was a man. But the juice soaked through the carpet, wrecking it forever. The seizure caused my muscles to contract and release rapidly, which sometimes makes my bladder release. I fucking pissed myself in front of my father’s important friends. It was so embarrassing. When I had come too, my father’s friends had left.

My father was so mad at me. I’d ruined Eid- Al. I’d ruined that carpet and I’d embarrassed him in front of his friends. He told me I’d taken away his manhood. What kind of man can’t control his son? He asked himself. What kind of thirteen year old couldn’t even control his own bladder.” He whispered and looked down at his hands.

“He told me I was a disgrace. I’d ruined everything. I wasn’t fit to carry on the name. Then, He hit me. I just remember him hitting me over and over again, yelling that I was a fucking _retard_. My mother came in, saw him hitting me and went off. She kicked him out that night.She was raised in a house that never allowed any sort of violence and she wasn’t going to let someone hurt her kids.” He said, wiping a tear from his eye. I sighed, wrapping my arms around him.

I was lucky, my father may have loved me too much, but at least he loved me.

“I ruined their marriage. I ruined everything.” He whispered

“No, you didn’t ruin anything. He ruined it. He shouldn’t have hit you. No one should ever hit their kid. No matter what they do. Especially if they did nothing wrong.” I said and he nodded.

“After he moved out, I told my mom I was gay. She took it really well, hugged me and told me that I was perfect and that she was so happy I was her son. I’m kind of glad my Dad moved out. I couldn’t imagine coming out to him. He would have killed me.”  He said, running his hands through his hair.

He smiled at me, sliding his hand across my face. I could feel the paint sliding across my skin.

“Shmoop.” He said and I dipped my hand in the paint, tracking it through his hair.

He put a handprint on my shirt and I tackled him onto the bed. We tussled, trying to get paint on each other.

“Zayn- oh, sorry boys. Hi Liam.” His mom said, opening the door. I looked up at her, and Zayn peeked up from under me.

“Hi Mrs. Malik.” I said shyly.

“Mom! Honestly.” Zayn said, exasperated.

“Sorry, just wanted to tell you I’ll be making dinner soon.  Are you staying?” She asked me and I looked down at Zayn before shrugging.

“Well, I’ll be going downstairs. Sorry for interrupting. Just be safe.” She said, winking at Zayn.

“God mom, get out!” He said, throwing a pillow at her. She closed the door and I rolled off of Zayn. He put his hand over his face.

“Well, that was absolutely mortifying.” He said and I laid down beside him.

“What did she mean ‘just be safe’?” I asked and he shook his head, chuckling.

“How are you even real right now?”  He asked, pushing my shoulder. I rolled over onto my side and let my fingers intertwine with that hand that was lying by my side.

How was this even real?


	9. Snack Cakes And Pop Quizzes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam explores the beginning of his abuse and he has a pop quiz.

I stared in my mirror, taking off the shirt that Zayn had gotten paint all over. It stuck to my body as I pulled over off of me. I flipped my fringe out of my eyes.

My dad loved how long my hair was.

I went in my closet to pull out a shirt when I pulled out a dusty yellow sweatshirt.

It was my dad’s.

It was his sweatshirt that he let me wear when we went to camping when I was seven. There was a freak storm out of nowhere and we were battered with rain. He draped it around my shoulders to keep me warm. I pulled it to my nose, sniffing it.  It still smelled like the fire we had built after the rain. We made s’mores for the first time. It was the first time that we actually did something, just me and dad. He actually made me feel special. Finally everything was about me, and it was good attention. When I was a child, everyone knew who I was. I was poor Liam Payne, the fat, worthless kid that everyone beat up. But my dad made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. He made me feel beautiful and worthy. He listened to me, he laughed with me, and that night, he slipped into my sleeping bag, whispering how beautiful I was, how much he loved me. He told me I was worth so much and that I was the most beautiful, most important boy in the universe. That night he touched me for the first time, and I let him. No matter how weird it felt, no matter how wrong it was, he made me feel pretty, and he made me feel good about myself. 

I had my first orgasm that night, I didn’t ejaculate.

I was so scared, but he just hugged me, his hands cupping my balls in that small tent, his sweatshirt draping down to my calves as he whispered to me all those little things. How good I was. How I was to be his forever.

I loved him so much. It was insane how much I love him.

I slipped it on again, sad that it only reached my mid-thigh. I pulled my pants off and wrapped my hands around my middle. I twisted my body around, looking in the mirror.

I wanted to be like him so much.

“Hey li. What are you up to?” He asked and I looked over at him with dead eyes.

I shrugged and he smiled, coming up behind me.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered, his hands trailing up and down my waist.

Was I?

 He buried his head in my neck, his hands drawing circles in my skin.

“Do you remember when you were little? I’d give you something sweet and you’d ride daddy? You wanna ride daddy?” He asked and I shivered. I felt myself nod.

“Come on. Get on the bed. I’ll be right back.” He said. I sat down on my bed, the sweatshirt slipping over my hands. He came back with a couple of snack cakes. He poured them on my bed. God he had Zebra Cakes. They were my favorite as a child.

“Lay down.” He said and I went to take off the sweatshirt.

“No, leave that on.” He said and I nodded, laying back.

“eat a snack cake.” He said and I opened the package. I flipped onto my stomach and he began to prep me. It’d been a while since he’d actually prepped me properly, It’d been awhile since he took his time and made sure I was all the way open.

I finished a snack and he handed me another. I began to eat that one and he tapped my hip. I got up and he laid down where I had been. I let myself slide into his lap and he slid into me gently. His hands stayed on my hips firmly as he began to move in me. I bounced against him and he trailed his hands across my face. I could feel the frosting from the cake slide across my face.

“Another.” He said and I nodded, eating another package.

_“You’re so beautiful my little chubby baby. Daddy loves his baby.” He said, pinching the skin around the little boys stomach._

_“Daddy, I don’t wanna do this.” The little boy whimpered and he handed the kid another Zebra cake._

_“Be a good boy. Do you want another sweet? You can have as much as you want.” He said and the little boy smiled tentatively. He didn’t like the pain that his dad was putting him in, but his daddy was paying attention to him. He was giving the boy all the sweets that he could want. His daddy was looking up at him with so much love and happiness. How could he say no?_

“uh- Li i’m gonna cum. Gonna cum right in your chubby little ass.” My dad choked out, his hips stuttering against mine. I fell forward onto his chest as he rocked his hips against me. He pulled out of me and rolled off of my bed. He left like usual and I looked around me.

I felt sick to my stomach. How many did I eat?

Fourteen, I ate fourteen snack cakes.

I looked in the mirror; I had Zebra cake frosting all over my face, and in my hair. My hair was sticking up all over the place and I could see my stomach pooching out from under the sweatshirt. I was so fucking fat and disgusting.

I had to get it out. I had to get everything out.

I raced into the bathroom and stuck my finger down my throat.

I lost count of how many times I actually threw up. By the end of it, my throat was really raw and I thought I saw little flecks of blood in my bile. I looked up at myself in the mirror. My face was blotchy and I had strings of vomit in my hair. I tried to wipe them out, but gave up.  My thighs slid from the filth between them. I peeled the sweatshirt off and drew a bath. I was so dirty.

I eased into the warm water and leaned back against the bathtub edge. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I was so tired and I was so dirty.

I felt as if there was dirt caked on every part of me. I could feel my father’s sweaty hand prints all over my legs. I could feel was my father’s filth still buried deep inside of me. I could feel the vomit and Zebra cake crème still in my hair. I was absolutely filthy. I laid back in the water, opening my mouth a little bit. My insides were so filthy. I had to get everything clean. I had to let the water cleanse me.

I could feel the water slowly filling my lungs, taking away the filth. I was going to be clean soon.

I heard something vibrate on the counter and I quickly sprung out of the water.

I sputtered, expelling the water from my lungs.

It was like I was awoken from a dream. Was I really about to drown in the bathtub? I reached over the side of the tub and grabbed my phone. It was a text from Zayn.

‘Grace is giving me hell! Wish you were here. Miss you xx’

I pulled myself out of the tub and wrapped a towel around my body. I sat on my bed and texted him back.

‘miss you too.’ I sent back before laying back in my bed, brushing all of the snack cake wrappers off of my bed. I’d deal with them in the morning.

\---

“LI!” I looked up in the hall to see Zayn. He rushed over to me, quickly falling under my arm.

“Hey Z.” I said and he smiled.

“Last night was exhausting.” He said and I grabbed the car seat out of his hand.

“Did you sleep enough? I don’t want anything to happen because of this project.” I sad and he rolled his eyes.

“I’m fine dad.” He said and I bristled.

“Oh right, not a thing we do.” He said, bumping my hip with his.

“Besides, my mom heard about my seizure so I’m on an eight o’clock bedtime until college.” He said, with a smile.

“Sucks that it’s so rainy today.” He said, looking out the window and I shrugged.

“I like the rain, it’s cleansing.” I said and he smiled up at me.

“That was so poetic.” He said and I shrugged.

“Dude, it’s just rain.” I said and he shook his head.

“Nothing is ever how it seems young padawan.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“That’s not even a thing.” I said and he glared at me.

“It is now. Shut up.”

“Hey guys.” I looked away from Zayn to see Niall snapping a picture of us.

“’sup lilo and stitch” Niall said and Zayn looked up at me.

“Am I stitch?” He asked and I shrugged, who knew with Niall’s crazy nicknames.

“Everyone’s talking about you.” Niall said and Zayn sighed.

“Sorry I stole your goal scoring thunder before you could even get recognized for it.” Zayn said sheepishly and I hugged him to my side.

“No worries.” I said.

“Well, you can always just score another game winning shot next game.” He said and I shrugged.

“That’s a lot of pressure. Who says I’ll even get off the bench again?” I said and he shoved me.

“The way you were playing. I doubt he’ll ever bench you again.” Zayn said and I shrugged again.

“Nialler! Li, Zayn! What’s the happenings boys?” I heard Louis yell and I looked up to see the short boy holding hands with Harry.

“Nothing much. Just taking pictures.” Niall said, taking a picture of the two.

“So, homecoming’s next week. I’ve already written you in as homecoming Queen of course Lou.” Niall said and he smirked, flicking his fringe out of his hair.

“And don’t you forget it.” He said.

“But alas young Harold and I won’t be the winners, but I do see the winning cou-” Harry elbowed him in the ribs and he looked down at Harry.

“What?” He asked.

“Shut up.” Harry whispered back and I looked at him suspiciously.

Zayn grabbed the snapback off my head and placed it on his, smoothing his fringe, before running his hands through my hair, smoothing it down.

“You suck.” I said, and he leaned against my side.

“You love me.” He said, before his face turned red. Niall took another picture before looking down at his watch.

“It’s almost first period. I can’t be late again.” He said and I nodded.

“See you guys.” I said and Zayn and I went off to Mrs. Sykes class.

“So, next weekend’s Halloween…” Zayn said, pulling out his binder.

I pulled out mine and he looked over at it.

“You put the picture in the front of your binder?” He asked and I shrugged.

He was really cute in that hat.

“Oh, anyway, I… lost my train of thought.” He furrowed his eyebrows.

“Halloween.” I supplied and he nodded.

“Oh yeah, Well my mom is taking the girls out trick or treating next weekend and she said that if I wanted, I could have a sleepover and invite whoever I wanted. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come over. We can invite the guys if you want.” He said and I shrugged.

“Sure, sounds like fun. Normally I just stay home with my parents and hand out candy. Sounds fun to actually do something.” I said and he smiled.

“Alright class, pop quiz, clean off your desks.” Mrs. Sykes said and I groaned.

“You’ll be fine.” He said and I shrugged. He shrugged back at me goofily and I rolled my eyes. He pressed his shoulder into me.

She handed me the paper and I looked down.

**What does the plant scene in Romeo and Juliet symbolize?**

  1. **A.** **Plants**
  2. **B.** **Sex**
  3. **C.** **The duality of Life and good vs. Evil**
  4. **D.** **The virtue of sticking with something until it grows to fruition**



It was C. I knew an answer. I looked down at the test. I knew most of the answers.

I zipped through the test and handed it in right after Zayn.

“Mr. Malik, Mr. Payne, may I see you after class?” Mrs. Sykes asked and I nodded. The class cleared out and she looked at us gravely.

“I am very disappointed in the both of you.” She said and my eyes widened.

“Why?” I asked.

“I asked you to tutor him Zayn, not slip him the answers to the quiz. Cheating will not be to-“

“What do you mean? I didn’t slip him the answers to anything. Why would you accuse me of such a thing?” He asked.

“Liam received an A on today’s pop quiz. He got every answer right, except for two. One of which was the very same one that you got wrong.” She said and he looked over at me.

“I didn’t cheat. I swear.” I said and she shook her head.

“I’m so disappointed. I’ll have to call your parents.” She said.

“Which one did he get wrong?” He asked.

“The one about Juliet weeping.” She said and he nodded.

“We didn’t go over that part of the act. That’s why. We never talked about whether she was weeping for Tybalt or Romeo. It’s not his fault. I got that wrong too because I totally just didn’t think it was important.” Zayn explained and she looked down at the test.

“Well, I’m sorry Mr. Malik and Mr. Payne. I guess I should say good job.” She said and I smiled.

We walked out of the classroom.

“I got an A?” I said, incredulously.

“That makes me so mad. Why wouldn’t you be capable of getting an A? You’re smart. God.” He said and I looked over at him.

“I got an A?” I asked again.

“Yeah sweetie. I’m so proud of you. You’re smart.” He said.

“I am?” I asked.

Dad never told me I was smart. Actually, he said I was really dumb, but that he loved me anyway.

“Of course you are.” He said, scrunching up his face.

“Thanks.” I said, and he shook his head.

“If only you could see what everyone else saw.” He said, with a sigh.

“Oh, I’ll see you at lunch, bye Liam.”  He said, going into Mr. Beaman’s class.


	10. Discussions and Applesauce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys have a discussion about Halloween and Geoff gets jealous.

I sat down at lunch and Zayn put his head in my lap.

“What’re you doing?” I asked and he reached up to touch my chin.

“napping.” He said and I swallowed.

“Try not to think anything naughty.” He said with a wink.

I stared back down at him.

“kidding.” He said and I looked up to here a camera snapping.

“Good afternoon gentledads. What’s up?” Niall said as he sat down with his tray.

“We’re fine. Where’s Harry?” I asked and he shrugged. Just then I heard the trainwreck that was Harry and Louis.

“You can’t just saddle me with the kid all the time Louis.” Harry said, thumping the baby on the table.

“I don’t just saddle you with the baby. I stay the night all the time to help with the baby.” He said, sitting next to Harry.

“No, you don’t. You are there for far more indecent reasons than to take care of the baby and you know it.” Harry said and he rolled his head.

“I’m taking care of _something_ alright.” He said and Harry glared at him.

“Babe, You know I love you. I can’t help it if I find you irresistible.” Louis said, nipping at Harry’s ear.

“Hey you two, I’m trying to eat. Please take that somewhere else.” Niall said with a grimace and Zayn laughed as Louis stuck his middle finger up at him.

“Harry, I got an A on a quiz today.” I said and he smiled at me.

“I know Liam. You told me seven times. Good job.” Harry said.

“Well, I’m proud of you. You did amazing.” Zayn said, tapping my chin with his knuckles. Harry grinned and looked down at his Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich, elbowing Louis in the side.

“So what are you guy’s plans for Halloween?” Zayn asked and Louis smirked.

“Homecoming Dance, then who the hell knows.” He said, biting through a carrot stick.

“Niall?” Zayn asked.

“Don’t know, probably stay home and wait for Greg to stumble home so that Mom and Dad don’t find out he’s drunk as a skunk.” Niall said and I nodded.

Greg was living it up at community college.

“Well, change your plans. You’re coming over my house for a sleepover.” He said and Louis smiled.

“At least we’ll have something to do after the dance. I’m going as Peter Pan.” Louis said.

“I’ll be Wendy. Again.” Harry said and I lifted my eyebrow at him. He just shook his head. I probably didn’t want to know.

“Awesome. So, do you know what Gemma’s going as?” Niall asked and Harry rolled his eyes.

“Dude, give up.” He said.

“We have to match. What’s she going as?” he asked.

“She’s going as Dorothy I think. Or a girl from coyote ugly, I really can’t tell.” Harry said and Louis laughed.

“Gotta love slutty Halloween costumes.” He said and Niall nodded.

“Oh I do.”

“What about you, Li?” Niall asked and I intertwined my fingers in his hair.

“Batman, probably. I haven’t gotten a costume yet.”

“Dude, you can’t go as Batman. He’s a pedophile.” Niall said and I looked up at him.

“What? Batman is the most awesome superhero ever.” I said and he rolled his eyes.

“No, he’s an idiot running around in spandex, fighting crime with his ‘boy wonder’.” He said.

“I mean, seriously, that man’s so far in the closet. And what the hell are with those bat nipples. Like serious.” Louis said.

“Uh, no. Batman is a good guy. He wouldn’t do something like that.” I said and Zayn sat up.

“Guys…” Harry said cautiously.

“Dude. Batman is so homo. At least superman actually has a girlfriend. What does Batman have? A house full of dudes that cater to his every whim. He’s obsessed with Robin. He even lets him sleep in his bed. That’s kiddie boinking behavior.” Niall said.

“Batman had plenty of girlfriends. Selina Kyle, Katherine Kane. Batman bangs the hottest chicks in Gotham. He’s not a pedophile”

“Both of whom who turned out to be raging dykes.” Louis said.

“No, Batman’s a good guy. He’s good, he fights for the oppressed. He… he wouldn’t hurt someone like that. Nice people like Batman don’t do things like that. Right?” I asked

“Right Li.” Zayn said and Harry shot him a glare.

“I was just kidding Li. Calm down.” Niall said and I looked at him blankly, what did he mean ‘calm down’? I felt my chin to realize I’d started crying.

Really? Just shoot me in the head please.

“So, uh, I kind of wanted to be Wiccan, from the Young Avengers. But I don’t have a Hulkling.” Zayn said.

“I’ll be your Hulkling. It’s not a big deal. I don’t even have a costume yet.” I said and he smiled at me before leaning over and wrapping his arms around me.

“You’re so great Liam I swear.” Zayn said.

\---

“I got to take Safaa to the doctor. She’s got a fever. Will you guys watch Waliyah? I know I’m interrupting your… studying, but I really don’t want to take her to the clinic, you know how easy Waliyah gets sick. I’ll pay you back sweetie.” She said to Zayn and he shrugged.

“I don’t mind.” He said and she kissed him on the forehead before whirling out of the door.

“So, I guess it’ll just be you and me… and Waliyah.” He said.

“Don’t forget Grace.” I said and he smiled.

“And Grace.”

“Liyam!” Waliyah yelled, and I picked her up and ruffled her hair.

“Hey!” She pouted and I laughed, kissing her on the forehead.

“Hello wally.” I said and she laughed.

“Zayn! Can I play with your baby?” She asked.

“No Waliyah. I already said you couldn’t.” He said and she huffed.

“How about this. I’ll let you pick out an outfit for her to wear to bed. But right now, we’ll all go get something to eat?” I said and she jumped from my arms.

“Come on Zayn or I’ll take away Your Liyam.” She said yanking on his arms. He came with easily, his face turning red.

“Alright, time to feed the baby.” I said, sitting the car seat on the counter.

“I’m the baby.” Waliyah said and I looked over at her.

“I thought you were the big girl?” I said and she shook her head.

“Nope. I’m a baby. Wah.” She faked crying terribly.

“Well, I guess we’ll have to feed the baby, babe.” Zayn said, picking up the applesauce from the table. He went to feed it to Waliyah, spreading it across her face.

He handed me the bowl and I slipped it on her nose.

She laughed, wiping the mashed fruit off of her face.

“You missed my mouth!” She giggled and Zayn smirked, tickling her.

She laughed gleefully and I went back to the car seat, holding the bottle up to the baby.

Once the fake baby was fed adequately, I went upstairs with Zayn and watched from outside the door as he gave her a bath before tucking her in to bed.

We sat on his porch, waiting for my Dad to pick me up.

“You’re really good with Liyah.” He said and I shrugged.

“Not as good as you.” I said.

“She likes you. A lot more than anyone I’ve ever brought home. Thank you. She’s had a rougher time losing dad than the rest of us. But now, she seems happier that you’re around.” He said and I shrugged.

“No big deal. She’s a good kid.” I said and he bumped his shoulder into mine before intertwining our fingers.

“You’re a good kid. You’re just fucking amazing.” He said and I looked down at my feet.

“No, I’m just me.” I said.

“You’re much more. But anyway, thanks for doing the Hulkling with me. I was wondering if maybe… you wanted to go to the dance with me next Friday?” He asked

“Sure. The rest of the guys are going. It’ll be fun.” I said and he smiled.

“Yep. It’ll be… fun. Your dad’s here. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” He said before kissing me on the cheek. He recoiled his hands away from mine.

“Have a good night, li.” He said and I nodded.

“Have a good night, Z.” I dusted off my butt before getting in the car.

“Hey Dad.” I said and he kept his head straight ahead.

“Hello Liam. Did you have a nice time?” He asked and I shrugged as I strapped on my seatbelt.

“I guess, his mom wasn’t there so we were basically by ourselves.” I said,

“Oh, really?” He asked.

“Well his little sister was there. But once we put her to sleep she didn’t really bother us.” I said and he nodded.

“interesting.”

The ride home after was silent. I’d already ate at Zayn’s so I went straight upstairs to do my homework.

And text Zayn, sue me.

“Alfred! Hey boy.” I said, the small dog jumping on my bed.

I ruffled behind his ear and took a picture with him before sending it to Zayn.

‘ _Which one is the puppy? :p'_  He texted back and I laughed.

‘ _Tall white one wit Abercrombie sweater...lolz_ ’ I sent back.

‘ _That’s what I thought too._ ’ He sent back. I went to text him again when I heard my door open.

It was only 8:40. Speaking of Zayn should be in bed.

“Dad?” I asked and he smiled.

Alfred growled at him and he tried to pet the dog. Alfred snarled and nipped at his fingers.

“Cute mutt.” He said and I shrugged.

“Where’s mom?” I asked.

“In the living room, reading the bible.” He said with an air of dismissal.

“She’s awake? She’ll hear.” I said and he shook his head.

“Not if you stay quiet.” He said, running his hands through my hair. He knotted it in his fist and I hissed. He unbuckled his belt and pulled himself out.

He stroked himself twice before pushing my head down into his crotch. He wiped his penis across my lips until I finally opened my mouth.

He pushed my head down until he was all the way in my mouth and I was gagging.

Alfred yipped at him.

“Liam, Alfred’s needs to go out before his barking wakes up your father.” I heard my mother yell from the living room.

I looked up at him and he just put his finger to his mouth.

My phone buzzed.

A new message from Zayn.

My Dad pushed my head further down, rapidly fucking into my mouth.

He came without a warning and I choked as some of it spilled out of my mouth.

“I’ll let little Alfred out.” He said, leaving the room.

Alfred refused to leave my side, instead jumping on the bed and curling up in my torso. I turned away from my phone and closed my eyes, still fully clothed.


	11. Affirmations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam has a brief setback with his image after a terrible night with his Dad. Geoff and Karen have fight.

I awoke the next morning to the sun peeking through my curtains. I rolled over, that was weird, it was late October; it shouldn’t be that bright at six in the morning.

I bolted in bed. It wasn’t bright at six. It was bright at 8.

I was late. I was so freaking late. I’d never been late to school before, ever.

I jumped out of bed, looking in the mirror. There was dried cum trailing my cheek. I was so fucking disgusting.

“Liam. I’m leaving in twenty. If you’re going to school, you’re coming with me.” I heard my Dad yell.

Twenty minutes was not enough time to shower, brush my teeth four times with my yellow toothbrush, and twice with my green one.

 I quickly showered, and brushed my teeth twice before heading to my room.

“Liam, I’m leaving. I’m going to be late for work. Come on.” He said and I grabbed a pair of sweats and a hoodie.

I looked so gross, and I smelt gross and my mouth was gross and everything was gross and I was just so ugly and fat.

I scratched at my throat nervously.

“Come on, let’s go.” He said. I grabbed the car seat and headed to the car, scratching at my throat.

 

I got into class around 8:48 and took my seat next to Zayn.

“Nice of you to join us Mr. Payne.” Mrs. Sykes said and I ducked my head.

“Hey, nice outfit.” Zayn said and I scratched at my throat.

I was so fat right now. I looked hideous.  

“Li, you okay?” Zayn asked and I shrugged.

“You don’t look fine.” He said.

“Just leave it.” I said, pulling at the baggy sweater.

I turned my back to him, scratching at my throat.

I walked to PE by myself.

“Li- What’s wrong?” Harry asked and I shrugged, walking into the gym alone.

 

I sat down at lunch, putting my head down.

“Are you going to eat today, Li?” Harry asked cautiously.

“No.” I mumbled against my arm.

“You woke up late this morning?” He asked and I nodded.

“Hey Li.” Zayn said, sitting down next to me. He slid an applesauce cup over to me and I snapped.

“Why are you always feeding me? I’m fat alright, I get it, you’re trying to appease the fat kid. God damn it just leave me alone.” I yelled and he stared at me, shocked.

“Liam, calm down. He doesn’t know. It’s not his fault you’re having a shit day. He’s just being nice to you.” Harry accosted me.

He always had a way of making me feel bad.

I scratched at my neck.

“He doesn’t mean it Zayn. He’s very appreciative of your gift.” Harry said.

“Li, I don’t think you’re fat. You’re not fat.” Zayn said and I shook my head.

“I’m fat and disgusting and gross and ugly.” I said and he shook his head, putting his hand on my thigh. I recoiled from him.

“Don’t touch me.” I whimpered.

“Zayn, you can’t talk him out of these things. Our dear friend Liam here has a touch of OCD and when things don’t go right, he self-deprecates.” Harry said, biting into his sandwich.

“How many times did you brush your teeth today?” He asked and I scratched at my neck.

“Twice.” I whispered.

“And how many times do you normally brush them in the morning?” He asked.

“Six.” I whispered, scratching harder at my throat.

“and how many times did you brush with your yellow toothbrush?” He asked.

“Twice.” I whimpered clawing down my Adam's apple.

“And how many with your green toothbrush?” He asked and I shook my head, scratching my throat harder.

“Zero.”

“And how many times do you normally brush with your yellow toothbrush?” He asked and I scratched even harder.

“Stop that.” Harry coached and I shook my head.

“Please don’t make me say.” I said.

“Liam.” He said and I looked down at the table.

“Four.” I whispered.

“Liam. I am fit not fat.” Harry whispered.

“I am fit not fat.” I whispered back.

“I am worthy. I am not a freak, and I am not a loser.” He coached and I dropped my hand to my hoodie pocket.

“I am worthy. I am not a freak, and I am not a loser.” I whispered back and he smiled at me.

I looked over at Zayn.

“Zayn, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I snapped at you.” I said, and he intertwined his hand in my mine through my hoodie pocket.

“It’s fine hon.” He said.

Harry gave him a look and he gave Harry a look back.

I wonder what that was about.

Harry’s phone started to ring and he looked at it quizzically before looking around the cafeteria.

“Hello?” He asked.

“Calm down. It’s not the end of the world Gem.” Harry said and I looked across the cafeteria. She was standing by the wall talking.

She hated talking to Harry at school. Probably the whole freshman idiot stigma. At our school, freshmen were pretty idiotic and pretty much ruined everything.

“Just get a new one. It’s not that big of a deal. You can do much better than that. Trust me. I know. I know. Idiots. Don’t worry about it honey. They’ll both get what they deserve. Alright, you’re welcome. Love you too. See you at home.” He said and I looked at him quizzically.

“Gemma and Bryan broke up. He’s taking Eleanor as his date to homecoming. Who also stole her costume. So heads up Niall, it’ll be 40’s pin up. So match that.” He said and Niall pumped his fist.

“This is going to be perfect. Do you think that now would be the time to ask her out?” Niall asked and Harry rolled his eyes.

“Do whatever you want. She’s not going to say yes.” Harry said biting into his sandwich.

\---

“Can you believe tomorrows’ the last day we get to take care of little David?” Louis asked.

Yes, he named his kid David Beckham Tomlinson.

“Thank God.” Harry said and he rolled his eyes.

“At least we’ll get some alone time.” Louis said, kissing at Harry’s neck.

Hey Lesbos, get a room!” Louis yelled at Perrie and Leigh-Anne, who were making out against a locker. Perrie stuck her middle finger up at him.

Perrie and Louis were the leads in the school musical, and they both hated each other. Well I guess not hated, just competed with each other. They both were vying for Beyoncé status, but one of them would have to be Michelle.

Those were Louis’ words, not mine.

“I swear. They just don’t have any decency.” Louis said.

“Well that’s hypocritical. You and Harry are just as bad if not worse. And I’d rather see the two of them making it than you too. Dude, one time in Earth and environmental, I sat behind them and Perrie had her hands-“

“Hey! There are children present.” Louis said, covering his baby’s ears.

“You’re an idiot.” Niall said before waving after us. He went his separate way to his yearbook class.

I sat down at my book table and got my binder out. I studied the picture while Zayn was filling out some worksheet for our budget.

We’d gotten fortunate, nothing bad happened to our baby. We were going to end this project with a one hundred. I had no idea what was going to happen with Louis and Harry.

They weren’t the best parents.

I looked the Hulkling up and down. I didn’t want to have to paint my skin green.

I looked closely at the picture.

The Hulkling had a small birthmark on his neck.

He didn’t normally have a birthmark, I know because I was sort of a secret fan of the Young Avengers.

Yes I am DC but you can’t blame me, the only major gay character was the Green Lantern.

The Green Lantern sort of sucked.

“Hey, um is that an eraser smudge?” I asked Zayn and he shook his head.

“No- uh I just got inspired. I think your birthmark is absolutely precious. And you sort of remind me of the Hulkling.” He mumbled and I nodded.

“Nice touch.” I said before looking at the picture more in depth.

How did I not notice this was me and Zayn? Wiccan even has his amazing cheekbones and his goofy ears.

“Your neck’s really red. It looks like it might be bleeding.” He said and I shrugged touching it.

It wouldn’t be that bad. My skin was highly reactive. I marked easily.

“Don’t worry about it. I mark easily… uh, so we’re meeting at your house tonight right?” I asked and he shook his head.

“My mom has a bunch of her clients coming over. Do you think we could go to yours tonight?” He asked and I froze.

He wanted to go to my house?  
Well, at least Dad wasn’t going to be home, so I didn’t have to worry about that.

“Yeah, sure I don’t think it will be that big of a deal. I’ll text my mom to come pick us up after school.” I said, pulling out my phone.

  
My mom pulled up to our house and I hopped out of the car.

“Wow, your house is huge.” Zayn said and I shrugged.

“it’s not that big.” I said before walking upstairs, leaving my mom upstairs.

“Are you not going to help your mom get her bags out of the car?” Zayn asked and I looked back at her.

“My dad says that she can handle it.” I said and he looked at me weird before heading upstairs after me.

“Awww, who’s this cutie?” He asked, picking up a picture of chubby me. It was the night of the camping trip. I was holding a fishing line with a trout that I had caught all by myself. My dad was standing next to me, a proud smile on his face and his hand on my butt.

You couldn’t see that part in the picture though.

The random stranger that we’d gotten to take the picture didn’t notice.

“Please don’t look at that.” I said and he shook his head.

“it’s cute, you’re cute.” He said.

“No, I’m fat in that picture. That’s not cute.” I said, snatching the picture away and putting it on the top shelf of my closet.

“Is this your keyboard?” He asked, trailing his hands along the keys.

“Uh, yeah.” I said and he smirked.

“Do you play?” He asked and I shrugged.

“I’m kind of shit.” I said and he shook his head.

“I’m sure you’re awesome. Will you play something for me?” He asked, pouting at me.

I shrugged and sat down on the bench. He sat on my freshly washed bedspread and watched me as I began to play. My fingers danced along the keys, playing that song that i had yet to write lyircs to.

The last daunting note settled in the air and i pulled my fingers off of the keys before looking down.

“You’re amazing.” He breathed and I shook my head.

“No I’m not. Uh, let’s start working on that Romeo and Juliet sketch.” I said, sitting down on the bed beside him. Alfred jumped on the bed next to me and I smiled.

We fell asleep.

“Liam honey?” My mom asked and I bolted in bed. Zayn pulled me closer to him.

“Leeyum… sleep babe.” Zayn whined and I nudged him. He blinked hard twice before looking up to see my mom.

“Oh, hi Mrs. Payne.” He said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“I didn’t want to wake you, but your mom called. She wanted to know when you were coming home.” My mom said meekly. He shrugged and untangled from me.

“I guess I’ll call her to come pick me up.” Zayn said, going through his bag for his phone.

He hugged me before getting into his mom’s car.

“Don’t tell Dad about any of this.” I said to my mom and she nodded.

“Alright honey.” She said and I went back up to my room.

My blankets and pillow smelled like Zayn.

 

“You don’t even touch me anymore!” I heard my mom shout at my dad and I pulled my earbuds out.

“What was that?” Zayn asked

We were skyping, our Romeo and Juliet sketch was due on Friday and since we slept most of the afternoon, we didn’t get much done.

“My parents are fighting. I’ll call you back yeah?” I asked and he nodded.

“Good luck man.” He said before ending the call.

“How could I Karen. Look at you. Ever since Liam was born you let yourself go. You’re disgusting.” My father yelled back.

“You’re screwing one of your skinny sluts aren’t you?” My mom yelled.

“Yes Karen, I am screwing a skinny slut. I’m screwing someone who cares about what they look like. I’m fucking a beautiful fucking whore. And it’s the best, dirtiest sex of my life.” My father said back at her.

“I’m leaving you. I swear to God I am.” She cried and he laughed maliciously.

“You’re never going to leave me. I’m going out for a beer, clean this place up, it’s a fucking pigsty.” I heard my dad say before the front door slammed.

I could hear her sobbing, but I knew she was still on her hands and knees, cleaning up the living room.

 

That night, my father fucked me in earnest. I wouldn’t say that we made love, not like we sometimes did. But it wasn’t as rough as normal. I pushed my blankets and pillows off my bed and he had sex with me on the pillow top. He’d latched onto my neck, mouthing at it as he fucked me deep into my mattress and jerked me off in one motion. We came at relatively the same time and he pulled out of me, leaving me feeling like the cheap whore he told mother I was.

I was the slut that was breaking my mom’s heart.

I picked up the pillow that I had thrown off my bed. It still smelled like Zayn. I hugged it to my chest as I fell asleep, pulling the sheets up to my naked waist.


	12. Mark my skin and meet the family.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam gets a hickey and Zayn covers for him.

I awoke the next morning to see a hickey blooming on my neck.

Shit. I touched at it, hoping it was just me sleeping on my phone that made the mark in my skin. But sure enough, it was the shape of my father’s mouth imprinted on my neck.

“Liam honey… What are you doing?” My mom asked, opening my door.

“Is that a hickey?” She asked and I slapped my hand over the incriminating evidence.

Her eyes were still puffy from last night.

“Honey, you’ve got your first hickey.” She said.

That she’d ever seen.

“Who gave it to you?” She asked, sitting on my bed. I really wished that she would just leave. I shrugged at her and she sighed.

“Zayn gave it to you, didn’t he? I just knew it was going to happen. I remember getting my first hickey. I was about your age. You’ll have to tell Zayn that he has to come to dinner now. I’ve never even properly met the boy.” She said, running her hands through my hair.

“Mom, please. I have to get ready for school.” I said. She nodded before going to my door.

“I love you sweetie. And nothing’s going to change that.” She said.

Not if she knew who actually gave it to me.

“Hey li.” Zayn said, leaning on my shoulder.

“Hey. I need you to do me a huge favor.” I said and he sat up straight.

“Sur- is that a hickey?” He asked and I nodded.

“Yes, and it’s from you.” I said and he shook his head.

“No it’s not. I would remember if I were sucking on your neck.” He said.

He didn’t remember getting off on my ass.

“Yeah, I know. But my mom thinks you did and she wants you to come to dinner tonight and I really need you to pretend that it was you that gave it to me.” I said in one breath.

“Sure, so… did a girl give it to you?” He asked and I blushed.

“No. It was a guy. You don’t know him. He’s much older than me.” I said. He swallowed hard and nodded. He took a deep breath before pasting a smile on.

“Wow, you slut!” Zayn said with a laugh. Before I could help myself, I pushed him against a locker.

“I am not a slut.” I ground out, my arm barring his throat.

His eyes widened and I could feel him tremor slightly. I swear he had tears in his eyes.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry Zayn. I didn’t mean to do that.” I said, pulling away from him.

“It’s fine.” He whispered, his hands falling to his thighs as he tried to catch his breath.

“I’m guessing he calls you that a lot?” He whispered and I bristled.

“Who?” I asked.

“Your boyfriend.” He whispered.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” I said and I saw his jaw clench.

“So he’s just some random guy that you decided to get it on with? Was he the real reason you got off of skype last night?” He asked.

Yes.

“No.” I whispered.

“Well then, when did you get this?” He asked, tracing the raised skin.

“It was after my parents fought. I was… looking for an escape and so was he.”

True. 

“I met him outside of a bar and he took me in his car.” I said.

False.

“So, did he… fuck you?” Zayn asked and I nodded.

“Did he use protection?” Zayn asked. I shook my head no.

“God Liam, that man could’ve had anything and you’re just letting him touch you without a condom? He’s a stranger. You don’t know that man from Adam and you gave him all of you?”

“I’m such a slut.” I whimpered and he pulled me to his chest with a sigh.

“No honey. It’s new to you. When no one talks to you about it, you go out looking for it. You found it in gay anonymous sex. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault he used your body like that. You didn’t know any better.” Zayn whispered

True.

“Honey, I’ve gotta teach you how to escape, so you don’t go and get yourself killed.” He said, holding my head in his hands.

“And yes, I’ll let your parents and whoever you want think that we’re dating. If it helps you at all, I’ll do it.” He whispered and I nodded.

He kissed my forehead and I cried into his shirt.

I hated having to lie to Zayn. He was so honest with me. He told me everything and he was so open. He was always there for me and he thought that he knew me. Nobody really knew me. Not even Harry.

 

“Wow, so did the curling iron do this or…” Niall joked and I slapped a hand over my neck.

“No, I did.” Zayn said and Harry raised an eyebrow.

“So are you guys together now?” Harry asked and I shrugged.

“It’s complicated.” I said and Zayn looked down at the table.

 

“Hello Zayn.” My mother said, hugging him when he walked in the door.

“Hi Mrs. Payne.”  Zayn said nervously. I placed my hand in his and she smiled.

“Dinner will be ready in a couple of minutes. Your father is in the den if you want to go talk to him.” My mom said.

“No thank you. We actually have a lot of homework to do.” I said, rushing upstairs, holding Zayn’s hand.

“What’s wrong babe, afraid he’ll be mad that you have a boyfriend?” He asked.

No, I know he’ll be mad if I had a boyfriend.

“I guess.” I whispered and he smiled.

“Everything will be fine. Trust me.” He said and I shrugged.

He didn’t know my Dad like I knew him.

“Dinner!” My mother called and I walked downstairs, Zayn following close behind me.

I pulled Zayn’s seat out for him, one that was next to me, and he sat down, a small grin on his face.

“So Zayn, you a religious fellow?” My dad asked and I looked over at him.

“Yeah, I uh, I’m Muslim actually.” He said and my dad nodded.

“Interesting.” He said, spearing a green bean.

Thank God today wasn’t the day she decided pork chops were a thing that was going on.

“That is a valid religious choice.” My mom said and Zayn looked at me out of the side of his eye.

I shook my head at him.

God my parents are embarrassing.

“You’re very attractive, sort of feminine. You did a nice job on that hickey by the way. I can’t imagine what you two were doing to get such a dark mark.” My Dad said to Zayn, his eyes locked on mine. I blanched.

He was actually mocking me right now.

“Uh… yeah, I guess.” Zayn said, his face was turning red.

“So… what made you first attracted to Liam? He didn’t really have friends before you came. Heck, you’re the first person Liam’s ever brought home.” My mom said, trying to change the subject.

“Mom… please.” I said and Zayn smiled at me, putting his hand in mine under the table.

“I guess it was his personality. He’s so genuine. He’s such a beautiful person you know? Like he just cares about everything. He never wants to hurt anyone. He’s also so understanding. He doesn’t judge. He goes with the flow and he accepts everyone for whoever they are. He’s got the biggest heart and he doesn’t let you down. I’ve known too many people who act like they’re these nice caring people, but they aren’t. Liam though, he’s just so sweet and caring. I just love that about him. And his eyes. They are so deep and brown and real. You know. There is no pretension in Liam. He’s an open book.  He’s pretty amazing.”

“But you must already know that. You have the pleasure of living with him.” He said, turning away from me to look at my parents.

My mom cooed and my father clenched his jaw.

Only I could tell.

We finished up dinner, my father looking at me like I was prey.

“How about you two join me in the den for some Lacrosse. You like lacrosse don’t you?” My dad asked Zayn and he nodded.

“Yeah. I love watching him play.” Zayn said and my dad nodded, leading us to the den.

I was mortified.

I sat on the couch next to Zayn.

He was in my Dad’s spot.

His hand stayed intertwined in mine and for some reason it felt like an anchor, keeping me from slipping into my head. Not an escape, but a dark and dangerous place that hurts little Liam.

My dad watched me out of the corner of his eyes, I guess seeing how comfortable I was with Zayn. Because I was truly comfortable with him. More comfortable than I’d ever been with anyone else.

He played with my fingers, rubbed my knuckles, and whispered confirmations to me.

Soon seven rolled around.

Too soon.

“I’ve got to go. My mother says she’s outside waiting for me. It was nice meeting you Mr. and Mrs. Payne.” He said.

“I’ll walk him to the door.” I whispered  before getting up.

“Thanks so much for this. You are such a good friend.” I said and he kissed me on the cheek.

“No problem… pal.” He said before turning and walking away.

I closed the door behind me.

“You two make such a good couple. He must really love you.” My mom said before going back to the kitchen to clean. I sat on the couch next to my Dad.

 

“So you like him?” My dad asked as he laid me down onto my bed.

“No… sir.” I whispered and he rubbed up my thigh.

“Really? Because it seemed like you two were getting pretty close.” He caressed my stomach and I turned my head to the side.

“Do you love me Liam?” Dad asked and I nodded as he pulled down my boxers.

“More than anyone in the world?” My dad asked and I nodded.

“More than him?” My dad asked, wrapping his thick fingers around me and tugging slowly.

“Yes Daddy.” I croaked out.

False.


	13. Homecoming Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Liam get into a little spat and Liam plays in the Homecoming Game

Today was Friday. Another Lacrosse game ahead of me. It seemed like people suddenly remembered that I shot the winning goal last week because they all rallied behind me. Zayn was wearing my number again. A bright #51 emblazoned on his back.

Everyone was really nice and suddenly the geek table wasn’t so geeky anymore.

“You should listen to that song…. By Macklemore. Same Love it’s really good. That whole album is actually really good.” Zayn recommended, his arms stretching over his head.

His red shirt drifted up his torso slowly.

I was leaning into him. My hands folded under my chin as I talked to him.

I heard the click of a camera and I looked up.

“What are you doing?” I asked Niall and he shrugged.

“Just taking pictures.” He said, inspecting his camera before taking another picture.

The game went off without a hitch and we won again.

“Harry…” I whispered to him as we rode back home on the away bus.

“Yeah?” He asked, adjusting his glasses.

“I… I think I like Zayn.” I whispered and he rolled his eyes.

“Well of course you do, that’s why he sucked that giant hickey into your neck.” He whispered and I shook my head.

“Wait, you didn’t like him when he did that? Did he force you to do that?” He asked, worry etching into his face.

“Of course not Haz. I could take him. I’m not weak.” I whispered back to him.

“Besides… he didn’t even give it to me.” I whispered and he stopped.

“What?” He asked.

“Zayn didn’t do this to me.” I whispered and he looked over at me.

“Who did?” He asked, scooting closer to me. I scooted closer to the window.

“It doesn’t matter who.” I said and he scoffed.

“It so does. It matters because you’re making Zayn pretend to be your boyfriend.” Harry said and I sighed, running my hands through my hair.

“He’s cool with it.” I said.

“It’s cruel. Imagine if I forced you to date me. It would hurt. Trust me. I get the whole lying to your parents part. But at school? Why would you make him lie to his friends? Why would you lie to me? The one person who’s always been there. But whatever.” Harry tucked his knees to his chest and put headphones in his ear.

We didn’t talk for the rest of the night.

The rest of the weekend was a bust. My mom kept insisting that Zayn should come over, and every day that she suggested it, my father fucked me harder into the mattress.

 

_“Li, part your legs.” My Dad panted and I did as he said, my head falling to the side. I could feel him slipping into me, not waiting for me to adjust._

_Once he was all the way inside, he began to thrust hard into me, trying to find the angle that would set me over the edge. I grabbed at my head board as he thrusted deeper, my head falling back and my mouth falling opened._

_“Dad…” I moaned out and I could feel the smug smile on his face._

_“Liam sweet- what’s going on?” I looked up to see my mom standing at the door, shock clearly written on her face._

_“God…” my dad sputtered, cum splashing across my stomach._

_“Mom…” I gasped, pulling the blanket up to my chest to hide my shame._

_“You… it’s you. You’re the slut?” My mother questioned and I looked down, my face burning red._

_“How fucking dare you! He’s mine!” My mother yelled, ripping the sheet off of me._

_“You’re the reason he hasn’t touched me in six years? You’re the reason that he doesn’t love me. You’ve ruined everything you filthy slut!” She yelled, grabbing my hair. She pulled me out of the bed._

_“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry.” I yelled as she slapped me._

_“You are. You fucking slut!” She yelled._

_“I’m sorry I’m such a slut.” I whimpered and she shook her head._

_“You should be.”_

 

I darted in bed, sweat sticking to my skin. I took a deep breath, letting out a sob I hadn’t known existed. I tucked my knees to my chest and dropped my head to my knees. I let myself sob.

I was such a terrible person.

I looked over at my alarm.

It was four in the morning.

I slipped out of bed and pulled some cross trainers on my feet. I pulled a hoodie over my head, and quickly slipped out of the house before making my way through the back yard.

I hadn’t really ran since before Zayn got here.

I ran until my chest felt like it was going to bust open, my calves felt like they were going to rip in half, and the sky began to lighten.

Then I ran some more.

I wanted to run until I could forget everything, until I could cleanse all of these bad feelings.

But alas, I had school and I couldn’t miss any days.

It was spirit week that week, and the first day was ‘The Great Gatsby’. I grabbed a black t-shirt with a tuxedo on the front and slipped it on. It’d have to suffice for the time being.

“Hey…” I looked up to see Zayn in a white dress shirt, an untied bow tie on, his hair slicked back.

“You went all out.” He said and I shrugged.

“I do my best. “ I said and he rolled his eyes.

“If I would have known I would have at least dressed as Daisy.” He said and I laughed.

“I think you did a great job as Nick.” I said and he smiled.

“Thanks. I’d never be Gatsby. I’m not tragic enough.” He said.

“Well, I think the real tragedy is Nick. He’s the one who has to suffer from the loss of innocence. He’s a changed man in an unchanging, selfish world.” I said and he smiled.

“Why am I even tutoring you? You’re already a genius.” He said, intertwining our arms and leading me to English.

I sat down at lunch and Harry looked up at me with a glare before looking back at his book.

“Whatcha reading?” I asked him and he glared at me again before training his eyes on the book.

“God Haz. Please don’t be mad at me. I panicked okay. I didn’t ask him to lie to you specifically. I just told him that he had to pretend to be my boyfriend. Please just talk to me.” I pleaded and he sighed.

“You’re an idiot.” He said before looking back down at his book.

“Hey Hazza.” Zayn said, sitting at the table and sliding me a packet of cookies.

“Liam’s an idiot and so are you.” Harry offered, biting into his PB&J.

Zayn raised his eyebrow at me and I rubbed my temple.

“Harry knows about our situation and he’s mad at me.” I sighed and Zayn nodded.

“So just another average day at Jefferson High.” He said and I huffed out a laugh, opening my cookies. Harry looked up at us, glaring harder.

Spirit week slipped by rather quickly, the days blurring together. Monday was Great Gatsby ( Niall may have worn one of those diamond fringe hats and made one hell of a Daisy) Tuesday was Terrible Twosday (Stupid pun, stupid school) Wednesday was not wet t-shirt Wednesday, (much to Louis’s outrage and poor Hazza’s wardrobe) But rather twin day, Thursday was #tbt… aka Boy band mania. (We make an excellent N*sync,) and of course, Friday was School spirit day. This was why I was wearing my jersey, and the whole school was decked out in Red and gold. It was interesting; people who never even came to games were wearing face paint and dying their hair red. Those idiots were the potheads.

That night, the stadium was absolutely packed, which I had never seen before. People were acting like it was play offs, not the middle of the season.

“Let’s go Liam!” I looked up to see Zayn standing on the track, a jersey very similar to mine on his back.  
“Zayn, we don’t have to keep up this charade at school.” I said and his face fell.

“I was just supporting you.” He whispered and I worried my lip between my teeth.

“Sorry, i… I didn’t mean it like that. It’s great that you’re supporting me. And what does it matter? You’ve been doing this since you started coming to my games. Sorry.” I said and he rubbed his hand across my chin slowly.

“Don’t be.” He whispered.

“Good luck babe.” He said before kissing the side of my cheek.

“I’ll see you at the dance tonight?” He asked and I smiled.

“Of course bud.” I said.

“Now, let’s win us a lacrosse game.” He clapped me on the back before ascending the stairs into the stands.

He looked good in my jersey.

We were down a goal when the ball fell into my crosse stick. I had a clear shot at getting it in and we’d go into halftime evenly. I could do this. I launched the ball and I felt a stick connect with my head.

I crumpled to the ground, my wrist clicking.

I screamed out and the guy stood over me.

“Get down bitch!” the guy from the other team yelled and I clutched my wrist to my chest as he was pulled from over me.

“Liam? Are you okay?” I looked up, everything was fuzzy and pain was radiating from my wrist.

“Li!” I turned my head to see Zayn peering over the crowd, trying to get to me.

I looked over to my dad, who looked equally worried.

I was lifted off the ground and carried into the locker room.

“Oh my god.” Harry said and I shrugged.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Are we talking to me now?” I asked and he rolled his eyes.

“I’m sorry I was bent out of shape. It’s just… I’m your best friend. I’ve been here since fourth grade.” He whispered.

He was jealous of Zayn.

Well I never thought I’d see that.

Speaking of, Zayn rushed into the locker room, pushing past people.

“Are you okay?” He asked and I rolled my eyes but nodded.

“I’m fine, just a sprain. I’m just going to ice it and then I’ll get back out there the second half.” I said and Harry shook his head.

“Not with that cut.” He held a mirror up to my forehead. I was bleeding.

“The coach said he doesn’t think you’ll be able to play for the rest of the season.” Harry said and I furrowed my eyebrows.

“Why?” I asked.

“it’s your third head injury and fourteenth injury since the season started. You’re done.” Harry said, placing his clipboard down gently. Zayn bit at his cuticle and I sighed.

Dad was going to be so disappointed.


	14. Dance the night away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam and Zayn go to the dance together. The boys play Truth or Dare and Liam does something he'll regret

After the game, I struggled into the black tight pair of leather pants. I pulled on the black tank top and ran my hands through my hair. I pulled some fingerless gloves on, being careful not to ruffle my bandage too much and slipped into a pair of black sneakers.

“Zayn… I’m ready.” I said, opening the bathroom door and stepping into his room.

He was wearing what looked to be like a full black bodysuit and a tattered red cowl cape. He had ran his hands through his hair until it was spiked up. He had gauntlets on his hands and the metal headband. On his feet were black vans.

“You look amazing.” I said. It was like looking at a living, breathing Wiccan. It was fucking awesome. I suddenly felt inadequate and began to pull at my tanktop uncomfortably.

“Wow Li. You’re fucking gorgeous. You’re perfect.” He said, his eyes trailing over my arms. He trailed his fingers over the cut of my forehead softly before dropping his hands to his sides.

“Alright Teddy. Let’s go.” He said, grabbing my arm and dragging me out of his room and to Louis’ waiting car.

Sure enough, Louis was decked out in green tights and the tattered green shirt that Peter pan wore; he even had a pair of green toms.  Harry wore a pair of skinny jeans, a blue dress shirt, a darker blue bow tie and a blue bandana tied around his hair. His bandana matched his bow tie and his belt. He also wore a pair of black boots.

Somehow I thought he would have worn a dress.

Niall had on a naval officer uniform.

We arrived at the dance and I looked around. Gemma was dancing in the middle of the floor with her friends.

She was dressed like a pin-up. It was actually really cute.

“Gotta love slutty Halloween costumes.” Niall breathed.

I looked around the dance floor. All the girls were wearing slutty outfits.

Perrie and Leigh-Anne were Erika and Allison from Teen wolf.

Ew.

“Wish me luck.” Niall said and I shook my head.

“Good luck pal.” Zayn said, patting him on the back.

“You’re an idiot.” Harry offered. Niall stuck his middle finger up at him and made his way over to Gemma.

He grabbed her hand and dipped her before planting a kiss on her forehead.

“I see you’ve been anxiously waiting for my return home.” He said coyly and she blushed. She didn’t hit him.

Thank god, I’d seen Harry on the receiving side of Gemma’s slaps, and they looked painful.

Harry rolled his eyes but was led onto the dance floor by Louis.

Zayn stood awkwardly next to me, slightly swaying.

“You okay?” I asked and he nodded.

“Just… didn’t think there’d be so much dancing…at a dance.” His face turned red and I turned towards him.

“It’s a dance. That’s what you do.” I said, moving my body.

He blushed and I grabbed his hand. He shook his head, pulling away.

“Come on Zayn. Loosen up. Have fun.” I said and he shook his head.

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re a pretty awesome dancer.” He said and I smiled.

“Come on Zayn. Just dance.” I said. He shook his head.

“I’m terrible at it. I’ll look stupid.” He said. I put my hands on his waist and moved his hips side to side.

“Come on Zayn. I’m sure you can move your hips.” I said and he looked down. I pulled his hips closer and swayed them to the rhythm.

“No.” He said, pushing me away.

“Zayn, don’t feel bad. Really. I mean… look at those idiots. They are truly pathetic.” I pointed over to Harry and Louis who had cleared the middle of the floor. They were doing some kind of flailing arm dance with intermittent periods of directing traffic and lifting each other.

“They are really bad.” He said and I pulled him close to me.

“They are, aren’t they.”

A heavy bass Ke$ha song came on and he looked down.

“Live a little.” I whispered and he smiled.

“That’s funny; I guess I’m teaching you a little too well.” He said and wrapped his hands around my neck. The floor was packed as people began to dance on each other.

I’m pretty sure Harry was somewhere in the middle of the floor whipping his hair.

Someone bumped into us and Zayn fell into my chest. I put my hands on his hips and pressed us closer. He moved his hips against me experimentally.

I smiled at him and put my lips to his ears.

“See, it’s not that hard.” I said.

“I’m just good with my hips.” He said and my face turned red.

He ground against me to the beat, awkwardly moving his hips.

My heart started beating hard in my chest, as he let the music take over his body. He turned around and ground against me.

I ran my hands down his spine as I bent him over. He rolled back up and keened in my ear.

I was turned on more than I’d ever been.

I’m sure he could feel me harden against him.

“Do you need something to drink? I think I need something to drink. I’m so thirsty. I’m going to go get something to drink. Alright, bye.” I stuttered and he blushed. I pushed away from him and went to grab a bottle of water.

I took a deep sip before putting my hands on my thighs. I leaned against the table, breathing hard.

“You okay? Did I do something wrong?” Zayn asked, grabbing the water bottle from my hand. He took a deep sip, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed.

My face flushed.

“No, I just had to take a break. It’s packed on that dance floor.” I said, taking a deep breath and running my hands over my face.

“You two done having sex on the floor then?” Louis asked, and I pushed him.

“’Shut up.”  I said back to him. He laughed as Harry grabbed his hand and swung him back into the middle of the floor.

“If you don’t want to dance with me anymore, we can just stay and talk.” Zayn said and I shook my head.

“Come on. Let’s dance some more.”

We went back to the dance floor, dancing a safe distance from each other, not close enough for it to get as hot and heavy as it was, but not too far away that it looked like we weren’t dancing together.

A softer song came and I grabbed his hand, pulling him to my chest.

The dance floor erupted into this synchronized feeling as the crowd moved together. It wasn’t the grinding of before, but it wasn’t slow dancing. It was just moving.

We moved together, more in sync than any other couple.

It was amazing.

A song by Ron pope came on and he put his head on my shoulder.

“They love each other so much.” Zayn whispered and I looked over to see Harry and Louis swaying together. They were completely lost in each other.

“Yeah.” I whispered back and he tightened his grip around my neck. I tugged him closer until he was standing on my feet before spinning us.

He looked down at his feet, his face turning red before looking up at me.

His hands were shaking around my neck.

He leaned up on his tiptoes and kissed me on the cheek. I swooped down and kissed him on the forehead.

“The tragedy of chemistry… People dream of what you and me have found… effortlessly.” Zayn sang in my ear and I sighed, swaying us softly.

“Alright, time to announce the homecoming court.” The DJ said after the song ended and we all clapped.

“Alright, Freshman representatives Liam Payne and Danielle Peazer.” They all clapped and I awkwardly walked to the front of the gym, holding onto Zayn.

“Sophomore representatives Brandon Michaels and Louise Tomlinson.” I looked over at Niall who was having a good laugh while they placed the crown on Louis’ head with confusion.

‘Junior representatives Steven Young and Rebecca Arnolds.”

We clapped out of courtesy.

I’d never heard of those two.

“And our Homecoming Queen and King… Gemma Styles and Ed Sheeran.”

Gemma screamed and ran up to the front. They placed the crown on her head and Niall smiled up at her as she took his hand and pulled him to her chest.

I bet Niall had a lot to do with her winning. Just like her feature page in the yearbook.

Thank god we didn’t have to dance with our representative because that would be awkward. The most awkward for Brandon, poor kid.

“Alright gang. You know the deal. Time to Time Warp!” The DJ called and I heard Louis squeal.

I sought out my friends.

“Come on guys!” I yelled and Niall jumped to find us, pulling Gemma towards us. We began to dance crazily, swinging each other around. We were nothing but a mob of flailing arms and legs. The dance floor cleared in the middle as we went crazy.

“What is going on?” Zayn asked, keeping up with the crazy dance.

“Time Warp.” I said as I jumped to the left.

“You guys are insane.” He said and I pelvic thrusted.

“We’re all mad here.” I said to him and he shook his head. He laughed with me as we jumped to the left again.

I grabbed Zayns hands and Spun in a circle. He laughed breathlessly and as the final music wound down we fell to the ground.

My chest heaved and he smiled up at me as the crowd began to clap.

I helped him up and he laughed, leaning on my shoulder.

“Bye Niall.” Gemma said, kissing him on the corner of his lips.

He looked like he was going to faint.

Harry pulled him away from Gemma and we ran out of the gym and into the brisk night. We piled into Louis’ car and Harry began to kiss Louis.

“Hey! We don’t need any of that now.” Niall said and I laughed as Harry climbed out of Louis’ lap and into the passenger seat.

“I’m sure I could drive with you in my lap.” Louis said.

“I’m sure we can die with him in your lap too. Now onward. I hear pizza calling my name.” Niall said and Zayn laughed, nudging me with his shoulder.

 

We sat in a circle on Zayn’s floor, the pizza box in the middle of us.

“Truth.” Niall said. Harry threw a piece of pizza crust into the box. Niall grabbed it and looked at Harry.  
“It’s the best part.” He shrugged, biting into it.

“Are you a virgin, young Neil?” Louis asked an evil smirk on his face.

“Yeah.” Niall said and Louis laughed.

“Go ahead and yuck it up. I’m saving myself for my beautiful Gemma. Why spoil myself on candy when I have a four course meal in my future?” Niall said and Harry gagged.

“Please don’t talk about my sister having sex with you. That’s gross.” Harry said and Niall rolled his eyes, looking over at Louis.

“What about you, Tommo?” Niall asked and Louis laughed.

“Do you really have to ask?” Louis said, a smirk on his face, as he nipped at Harry’s neck. His hands began to travel across Harry’s thigh.

“Ay! No!” Niall said, throwing a pillow at him.  
“What about you Haz?” Niall asked and Harry turned pink.

“Nope.” Harry said, looking down.

'Never would have guessed that.' I thought sarcastically.

“Alright Zayn. What about you?” Niall asked.

“Virgin.” Zayn said with a smirk on his face. “Technically.”

“Technically? What does that mean?” Niall said and he smirked.

“That’s for me to know, and you to never find out.” He said coyly.

“Well, no need to ask you Leemo. I already kno-”

“I’m not a virgin.” I said and they all looked at me.

Zayn already knew.

“When did you lose your virginity?” Harry asked and Zayn looked down. He must have thought I lost it to the mysterious guy I met last week.

“A couple of years ago.” I said with a shrug.

“Years? Liam, you would have been like twelve.” Harry said.

He’s one to talk, he’s only thirteen. Lest he forget.

And it was actually when I was ten.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I said, tucking my knees to my chest.

The room quieted before Niall looked over at Zayn.

“Truth or Dare?” He asked Zayn.

 

We laid in the dark, all of the boys asleep except for me.

“Li?” I turned over to see Zayn. Louis Harry and Niall were sleeping on the floor. Zayn claimed the bed for me and him.

Something about not wanting Harry and Louis going at it on his bed.

“Yeah Z?” I asked and he let his hand trail down my chest.

“Can I tell you a secret?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Sure.”

“I’m a complete virgin. Like, complete. The only thing that’s ever happened was I was in a closet playing seven minutes of heaven and some guy grabbed me. I came. Does that count?” He asked.

“Idk. Probably not.” I said, and he snuggled into my chest.

“Can I tell you something else?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“I only wanted you here. I mean, I love the guys. But I wanted it to be just me and you.” He whispered.

“Me too actually. I was kind of bummed when you invited everyone else. I thought your house was a ‘just Liam’ zone.” I whispered and he laughed breathlessly.

“Someone has a problem with sharing.” He said and I pulled him closer to me.

“What do you expect. I’m an only child.” I said.

“What would we have done if it were just me and you?” I whispered, rolling over. I ended up on top of him and he gasped.

“Whatever we wanted.” He whispered and shifted. I could feel him rub against me and I ground my hips down.

He gasped.

I was finally on top. In charge.

He buried his face in my neck, soft whimpers coming out of his parted lips.

“Li… wait.” Zayn murmured and I rolled my hips down against him harder, seeking out friction.

“Li, slow down.” Zayn said, putting his hands on my chest.

“Hey! Shut the fuck up up there.”  Niall yelled, throwing a pillow at us. I rolled over off of Zayn.  
“Sorry, God sorry.” I whispered to him, running my hands over my face.

“No big deal. I’m irresistible.” He said, his voice tight.

“What did I say? Put a cork in it.” Niall grumbled.

Zayn pulled me into his arms and I took a deep breath, feeling lower than I’d felt in a long time.


	15. Free your Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam and Zayn have a talk. Zayn finds a way to open up Liam's mind and Geoff takes advantage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, there is some drug use. It's Acid. I do not condone the use of acid unless it's something you absolutely want to do.

The next morning was kind of awkward. Zayn and I barely talked while the boys went through cleaning up their mess and leaving. Louis offered me a ride, but I turned it down, hoping that I could get a chance to talk to Zayn. Part of me didn’t want to talk to Zayn, part of me wanted to run for the hills, never talk to him again and never let myself look at anyone else like I’d looked at him before.

Alas, that was the cowardly Liam in me. The one that just hid underneath my father and convinced myself that I was happy and he was all I needed.

I waited until everyone left before going up to Zayn’s bedroom.

“Hey…” I whispered and he looked over at me.

“Hey.” He whispered back, finding a great interest in his bed spread.

“I thought you left.” He said and I shrugged.

“I wanted to see if you needed help cleaning up.” I lied, sitting on his bed. He scooted away from me.

“No, I’m fine.” He said, crossing his ankles as he tucked his knees to his chest. I stared down at his bony ankles before letting myself grab one.

He flinched, but otherwise stayed still.

“You’re so skinny.” I whispered and he shrugged.

“But I’m not fragile.” He said and I looked up at him.

“What?” I asked.

“Damn it Liam. If we’re going to have the talk let’s have the talk. Otherwise, we’re wasting our time here and you know it.” He said and I nodded.

He was right.

“Did you know that lack of sleep increases sex drive?” I whispered and he glared at me.

“So last night… some things happened…” I began.

“You almost raped me.” He said and I flinched.

“Please don’t say it like that.” I whispered and he sighed, running his hands through his hair.

“I’m not mad at you Li. I’m not… It’s just. You weren’t going to stop.” He said and I shrugged.

“It’s just… I thought we both wanted it in that moment.” I said.

“It doesn’t matter what you or I wanted Li. It’s what you and I were ready for. And we aren’t ready for that.” He said his voice serious.

“Can we forget about it? Please? Can’t we just be the best friends we were before this whole hickey fiasco?” I said and he shook his head.

“That’s the problem with you DC’s. You’re always trying to fuck up continuity.” He said before leaning his head against my shoulder.

 

Things were better between us, we simply didn’t talk about that night any more, or any potential of sex between us. He was right, we weren’t ready for that kind of stuff. I wasn’t ready to admit that the thought of touching Zayn like that frightened me, and I definitely wasn’t ready to admit that I thought about touching Zayn like that.

I laid under my father on Sunday night. He pushed into me, caressing my neck gently. He was a little upset that I wasn’t going to be playing anymore. I mean it wasn’t that big of a deal to me. Sure it gave Zayn a reason to be proud of me and it gave me self-worth, but it was hard to maintain. It was hard for me to be this popular Liam, when all I wanted was to be the nobody.

It was also easier to hide my pain when it was just my friends paying attention. I could swallow the angst and blame my limp on training so I can get back into the game next season.

He slammed into me hard enough to being me out of my revelry. I gasped as he wrapped a hand around me.

“Come on, cum baby, make daddy proud.” He whispered and I closed my eyes, gnashing my teeth together. I could feel the coil in my stomach getting tighter, my toes tingling.

I came, my eyes flinging opened.

He smiled but continued to coo encouragements at me as he became erratic before emptying deep inside me.

Once he left I pulled my cover over my naked body and looked over at my phone.

‘Goodnight babe. Sweet dreams x.’ I read over Zayns text.

 

I went over to Zayn’s house that weekend. I needed a break. My parents were constantly fighting and I was tired of hearing it all.

I crept into the living room to see my sitting on the floor, holding her cheek. Part of me wanted to go to her and hug her, the other part of me wanted to just leave.

So I left.

“Wanna try something?” He asked, looking up from his book. Since I’d gotten there, he let me sit in utter silence, I wonder if he knew I was all out of words. I feel like I’d been out of words for so long and if I opened my mouth nothing and everything would pour out and I’d cease to be.

But that was really too deep to think about.

“Uh, sure.” I said and he sat up.

“I know this is going to sound absolutely idiotic, and you can say no if you want, but I want to try something. It helped me and it really opened my eyes _._ I think I’ve got an awesome way to open your mind. I know it’s crazy. But I think it’d help.” He said and I turned towards him.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Acid?” He whispered and I shrugged.

“Why not?” I said and he stopped.

“Really?” He asked.

“I need an escape.” I said and he bit his lip before nodding and padding over to his closet. I watched as he pulled out a jug of something a poured it in two plastic cups.

“Alright, it’s not that much, but it’s enough to get you up there.” He handed me the cup and I downed it quickly.

“It’ll probably take at least twenty minutes. But yeah, just tell me when it hits.” He said, drinking his down.

 

I closed my eyes, everything feeling too close to the touch.

“Zayn… I think it hit.” I said and he smiled, grabbing my hand.  
“Let’s take a walk.” He said, leading me downstairs and out to the woods behind his house.

We wondered through the woods, me inspecting the leaves. I watched as they gathered at the bottom of the trunks, completely disregarded. They were dying, slowly, but dying altogether. Taking their last breaths while the world continued to turn. No one cared.

No one cares.

I began to hyperventilate, I couldn’t find Zayn. I was all alone watching the leaves die, watching myself die alongside of them. I was alone and disregarded.

“Zayn! Zayn!” I yelled as I circled on myself. Everything was grabbing at me, wanting to tear into my skin.

 _‘Does he love you like I love you?’_ I heard my father’s voice whisper.

“Li?” Zayn said, stepping from behind a tree. I fell onto my butt and scooted away from.

 _‘He’ll hurt you like everyone else. The only person you can trust is me, Liam._ ’ My dad whispered in my ear.

“Please, no don’t… Don’t touch me.” I whimpered and he bent down, wrapping his arms around me.

“Shh. I’m here. I’m right here Liam.” He whispered and I shook my head.

“No… please don’t. I don’t like it, I swear.” I whined and he shushed me, putting his head on mine.

“it’s okay. It’ll be okay.” He whispered.

“I need you.” I whispered.

“It’s okay Liam. I love you. You’re safe with me. I’ll never hurt you. I promise.” He chanted, rubbing my hair softly until I stopped crying.

Eventually (six hours later) the drug wore off. It wasn’t all bad, it was actually really cool once I stopped freaking out.  I only saw Zayn and the woods and everything good in life.

Of course, these kind of things can never last, and I had to be shifted back into real life, where Daddy still touched me and I still let him.

That night Zayn let me stay the night. We cuddled through the night, him not mentioning the major freakout I had. I wonder if he even remembered what I said, because I remembered everything he said to me.

 “What’s it like?” I whispered the next morning and he looked over at me.

“What’s what like?” He asked.

“What’s it like when you have a seizure?” I asked and he sighed, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

“It’s like having one of those joy buzzers in your head, or like when you slap the side of a TV and the picture gets really fuzzy but then sharp again. It’s like I feel the electricity strike, then I feel the slap and everything jerks to the side. After that it’s like I’m watching myself convulse. But once I’m come out of it, I don’t remember anything about it. It’s like losing part of yourself.” He said, playing with his bedspread.

“I wish I could lose part of myself.” I whispered and he looked over at me before looking back down at the blanket.

“Liyam! Zayn! Don’t be such lazy butt’s.” Waliyah yelled as she ran into his room and jumped on his bed. She snuggled in between us and he laughed as he tickled her lightly.

 

“Alright class. Don’t forget to turn in your partner evaluations.” Mrs. Teasdale said, and I fished through my backpack. It wasn’t that hard to evaluate Zayn. He did an absolutely perfect job at raising the baby.

I pulled the worksheet out of my backpack and handed it to Mrs. Teasdale before walking out of the classroom.

“Dude, I heard that the baby has like a tape recorder in its back or something. It recorded everything that was said once it activated.” Justin said, passing by us.

“Oh, we’re so screwed.” Louis said and Zayn laughed.

“Why?” He asked.

“Well, let’s just say, something’s happened in that room that a young child shouldn’t have heard.” Louis said wagging his eyebrows and Harry punched him in the shoulder.

Shit.

Grace was in my room every night that she stayed at my house. If that were true, that meant that there was a recording of my Dad fucking me.

Multiple recordings all showing me moaning under my dad.

“Li- you okay?” Zayn asked and I looked up.

“Huh?” I croaked.

“You’re shaking.” He said and I looked down at my hands, they were shaking badly.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure Lou won’t mind if she hears you adjusting the antennae.” Louis said and I cocked my head at him.

“What?”

“You know, debugging the hardware, defrosting the fridge. Going Hans solo…?” He said and Zayn slapped his forehead.

“Masturbation jokes, you’re classy.” Zayn said and he smiled

“Hey, I put the assy in classy.” He said, smacking his butt.

Zayn rolled his eyes and pulled me away.

“Are you okay?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Yeah, why?” I asked.

“You freaked out when they said the baby was recording.” He said.

“It’s just, it may have heard some… embarrassing things.” I said, looking down and hoping I looked bashful.

“Trust me mate, if anyone doesn’t want that baby to hear some embarrassing things, its me.” He said, wrapping his arm around my neck.

 

“Liam. Your finally back from your boyfriends house.” My dad chirped as I walked into the living room.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” I grumbled back.

“So you just let someone give you a hickey? What kind of slut are we raising Karen?” My dad asked and my mom ticked.

“Leave him alone Geoff.” She said. “You remember what it was like being a teen.” She said and I could practically hear him rolling his eyes.

“Come watch TV with us scout. Unless you’re too ‘mature’ to hang with your folks.” He said. I dropped my bag on the hall floor before going into the living room.

I sat down on the couch next to my father automatically. He pulled the throw blanket back over us and I sighed.

“So how was school?” My mom asked and I shrugged.

“It was fine.” I said, absentmindedly. I could feel my dad’s hand brushing over the side of my thigh.

“That’s good honey.” She said, “popcorn?” She offered the bowl to me as my dad brushed his knuckles against my penis.

“No thank you.” I said, my voice cracking.

 She laughed softly.

“Puberty right?” She said.

I laughed with her, my throat tight.

He unzipped my zipper painfully slow and slipped his hand into my boxers. My hips jerked up at the contact and he dug his palm into my hipbone until I was pressed into the couch cushion.

“Eager aren’t we?”  He whispered into my ear and I took a deep breath as he trailed his fingers up my length slowly.

He began to stroke me, creating a pace that made it so I couldn’t thrust into his hand. I felt a whine build up in the back of my throat.

“You okay honey?” My mom asked, not looking away from the TV.

“Yeah, ‘m fine.” I grumbled, clearing my throat.

My Dad laughed and leaned into my ear.

“You’ve gotta be careful scout.” He whispered and I felt my hips jerk against his fist.

I closed my eyes, feeling my stomach coil up. My breath was becoming ragged and I could barely contain the little whines from coming out of my throat.

“Right here? Right in front of your mother? You’re going to cum while she’s sitting right there?” He whispered, flicking his wrist. I shook my head, swallowing thickly.

“No.” I whispered back, my voice breaking.

“Really?” He whispered, swiping his thumb against my slit.

I grunted as I spilled over his fist, trying my hardest not to cry out. It must have been a silent orgasm, because she didn’t even turn to look at me. My hips hit his fist and he pushed my hips back down.

“Wow, she was right there. You should be ashamed of yourself.” He said, his voice lilting with humor.  I let my head fall back on the couch, my chest rising and falling rapidly. I closed my eyes as I felt him wiping my mess on my boxers.

I was so ashamed, I let my dad get me off right in front of mom. She wasn’t even sleeping. She was awake and alert, and I let him do this to me.

 I dug my fingernails into my elbow, bracing myself against the pain. I could feel the welts rising on my skin and the tears began to collect behind my eyelids. 

Eventually the television program went off and my mom clicked off the tv set.

“Well, I’m heading off to bed. Goodnight.” She said, wadding her throw blanket up in her arms.

“Goodnight mom.” I whispered, too afraid to stand up until she left. There was little droplets of blood collecting on my elbow and semen drying on the side of my pants.

“Night. Geoff honey, you coming to bed?” She asked.   
“Yeah, I’m going to straighten up these chairs, and then I’ll be up.” He said.

“Well don’t take too long.” She said before climbing the stairs.

Once I heard her door click closed I stood, wadding up the blanket.

“Oh Liam…” My dad said, running his hand down my side. I stood stock still as he pulled me close to him.

“You’re so beautiful when you cum.” He whispered, his hands dancing over my hipbones.

“Dad please.”  I whispered.

“You don’t have to beg honey.” He said, pulling my jeans down. He pushed me down on my knees and unbuckled his belt.

“Open yourself up.” He commanded.

He gripped the back of my head and forced himself into his mouth.

He grabbed my hair, fucking up into my mouth.

“Geoff?” My mom asked the hall light turning on upstairs.

He pushed me off of him and onto the floor.

“Yes Karen?” He asked.  
“Don’t forget to set the alarm system and turn up the thermostat. It’s getting pretty cold.” She said from the top of the stairs.

“Alright Karen.” He said.

“Come up soon.” She said.

“Oh, and Let Alfred in?”

“I’ll get Liam right on it. Night Karen.” He said.

“Night.” She said with a yawn before turning the light off and going back to her room. Once she was back in her room, he gripped me under the underarms and pulled me into his lap. He nudged into me and began to thrust. I let my head drop on his shoulder, trying to keep the little moans from exploding from my throat.

He really didn’t make a nice sound when he orgasmed.

Not like Zayn.

He pushed me off of his lap and I slipped on my underwear. I opened the glass door and Alfred yipped at my Dad. He grimaced at the puppy but went upstairs, completely satisfied. I could feel the cum slipping down my pants leg as I locked the doors before shuffling up the stairs and laying in bed.


	16. Malak, My angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mrs. Teasdale has a talk with Liam. Liam and Zayn get into a fight.

“Liam, can I have a conference with you?” Mrs. Teasdale asked as the bell rang. I looked back at Zayn and he twisted his fingers a little.

“Uh yeah.” I said. She nodded at Zayn and he quietly slipped out the room, promising me that he’d be out here when I got done. I sat down in front of her desk, and she began to walk around the room, busying herself with grabbing papers or fixing posters as she waited for the last of the stragglers to leave the room. Once the door clicked closed, she turned around and sat behind her desk, her face cloudy with thought.

“Whatever you heard on that tape, I can explain.” I blurted out.

She laughed at me, a sad lilt to it.

“That’s just a myth I tell the kids to spook them. They don’t really record.” She said and I felt my muscles lose some tension.

“Then what is this about?” I asked and she took a deep breath.

“I wanted to know how things are going at home.” She said and I raised an eyebrow.

“Why?” I asked.

“I was just going over the project, and I found some red flags.” She said and I raised an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?” I said, trying to keep my voice neutral.

“Well… I was going over the partner evaluations and I saw some things that have been brought to my attention.” She said.

“Like what?” I asked again through my teeth.

“Just, a lack of contact with the child, scolding words when you messed up. A couple of bruises here and there.” She said with a sigh and I could feel the irrational anger building in my chest.

“Just so you know, my parents love me very much, of course I scold myself and those bruises… they’re from fucking. So please, keep your nose out of where it doesn’t belong.” I said, picking up my backpack and slinging it onto my back before stomping out of the room. Zayn walked after me.

“So, how was it?” he asked and I turned to him.  
“What did you tell her?” I asked and he froze.

“Nothing…  I-” He began and I cut him off.

“Is this about that night? Because it was a mistake Zayn. I’m sorry, alright?” I said and he huffed.

“I was worried about you alright? Can’t I be a good fucking friend and try to help!” He yelled back at me and I pushed him.

“A good friend wouldn’t have said shit.” I said and he rolled his eyes.

“No! A good friend would be worried enough about his friend to try. God!” He slapped me across the face and I grabbed his arms, pushing him against a tree. My eyes searched his. He took a deep breath, his eyes clamped shut. He turned his head, pushing slightly up the tree.

He whimpered and I let go, kicking a rock as I stomped away.

“God Li!” Zayn yelled before I felt his arms wrap around my waist.  I pushed my hands through my hair and sighed.

“What Zayn?” I asked and he sighed.

“Sometimes… I think about that night alright. And it’s not like I’m traumatized and I’ll need a therapist… but I still think about it. I think about the possibilities. What would have happened if Niall hadn’t have woken up. And it kinda scares the shit out of me because you didn’t see your face. Alright, you didn’t see how you looked at me. You weren’t even Liam anymore. But God….you’re my best friend alright, and I need you just as much as you need me. So for God’s sake Li. Let me in.” He said and I stopped walking, my body still against his.

“I’m sorry Zayn. I really am.” I said and he took a deep breath.

“There’s nothing going on at home alright? I’m just a maladjusted kid who’s never had someone…like you. I’m sorry. Can we really start being friends again? None of that fake, walking on eggshells  anymore?” I said and he sucked in a breath before sighing.

“Alright Li. Alright.” He seemed to take my explanation and I felt the rest of my muscles relax. I fell onto the ground, dragging him with me and he blew a breath.

“Jesus Li.” Zayn whispered, poking his reddening arms.

“Sorry, but you hit me too.” I said, pointing to the side of my face. He winced before laughing.

“I got you good huh?” He said, leaning up on his elbows, I shrugged, pushing him over.

We finished the rest of the walk to my house, Zayn’s mom was having her clients over again, and he didn’t like hanging with them.

“Hey Li- Oh, Hi Zayn.” My mom said as we walked through the door.

“Hey mom.” I said, about to take the stairs.

“Li, could you do me a favor and bring me a glass of water please?” My mom asked and I sighed.

“Why can’t yo-”

She gave me a pleading look.

“Fine.” I said, throwing my backpack to the hall floor before going to the kitchen.

“Did Liam do this?” I heard my mom ask quietly and I stopped filling up the glass, leaning close to the door.

Zayn didn’t reply.

“What did you do?” She asked and he was quiet again.

“Honey… you’ve gotta be careful around him alright. You can’t upset him. You have to learn… He shouldn’t hurt you…. So you have to make sure you don’t make him mad enough to hurt you.” She said in a hurried whispered voice.

“You’re going to stay with him right? Right.” My mom said and I leaned my head against the wall. What kind of guy did my mom think I was?

She sounded like she was talking about my father.

Wait.

I pushed through the kitchen door.

“Here’s your water, mom.” I said and she looked up, her eyes glistening.

“Thanks honey.” She said through a tight lipped grin. I gave her a questioning look and she turned her head down to the book in her lap.

Alfred climbed into bed with us and I dragged my fingers across the already bruising skin on his forearms. He winced, hissing and I looked up at him.

“Do you hate me?” I whispered and he raised an eyebrow.

“Course not. You’re my favorite. Always and forever.” He said and I smiled.

“Always and forever.” I echoed

 

 “We’ll get warm inside…” Zayn sang as he played in my hair. My eyes were closed as I laid in his lap.

“Boys, dinner.” My mom said, knocking softly at the door.

I leaned up, pushing my hair back in place and Zayn smiled tentatively at her.

“Dinner.” She said again, wiping her hands on her apron.

“Alright.” I said, before standing up and brushing my hands against my pants legs.

I helped Zayn off of my bed and we walked downstairs.

My dad was sitting at the head of the table.

“Hey scout. Hey scout’s ‘not boyfriend’” My dad said with fake cheeriness that totally passed for jovial joking.

I dropped Zayn’s hand, forgetting I was even holding it.

“Hey Mr. Payne.” Zayn said with a blush. I found myself fonding over how cute he was with a blush. My dad cleared his throat.

I mechanically pulled out his chair, my eyes staying on my father’s.

“Thanks Libug.” Zayn said and I looked at him with a strange expression. He shrugged and looked down at the table.

I sat down beside of him and he grabbed my hands, playing with my fingers.

He smiled up at me and I looked back down at my plate.

My mom sighed and I looked up at her. Her face was very wistful, as if she were looking at something she missed.

“So, Zack.” My dad began.

“It’s Zayn.” Zayn said and my dad quirked an eyebrow.

“Sorry _Zayn_. Where did you get those bruises?” My dad asked and I felt my face pale. I looked over at my mom who was sporting the same look on her face.

“Well, sir.” Zayn began, putting his fork down. He looked over at me with a devious smirk before looking back at my father. Part of me was really hoping he wasn’t about to do something crazy.

“Liam gave it to me. We got a little _rowdy_ this afternoon. He’s quite a brute.” He said, his voice suggestive. I blanched and he laughed. My mom laughed with him and my dad laughed, raising his glass.

He was really pissed.

_Zayn laid in my bed, playing in my hair. I sighed and rolled over onto my side to look at him._

_“Hey Z.” I drawled, letting my hands trailing down the side of his face._

_“Yeah Li?” He asked and I rolled over onto him._

_“What are you doing?” He asked and I shrugged._

_“Do you wanna help me?” I asked, grinding down on his hips._

_“Li, stop. You remember what happened last time.” He said and I groaned in his ear._

_“Come on baby.” I whispered, grinding down harder. He moaned, but turned his head._

_“Li.” He mumbled, his hands falling down to my chest._

_He tried to push me off and I grabbed his hands, holding them above his head._

_“You’re so skinny, so pretty.” I murmured. Holding both hands in one hand as I unbuttoned his pants, I pulled them down quickly, before unbuckling my belt._

_He groaned, and squeezed his eyes shut. I ground down against him and he moaned, his hips rising off the bed._

_“There you go.” I whispered, trailing my hand down his thigh. I pulled my pants off and stroked myself._

_“Please Li.” He whimpered._

_“You don’t have to beg baby.” I whispered back, pushing into him. He grunted, his face contorted._

_“Stop. Please stop. It hurts.” He said, his arms getting free. He scratched down my back and I hissed before grabbing his arms._

_“Stay still, Daddy doesn’t wanna hurt you.” I whispered and his eyes widened._

_I pounded into him as he began to cry. He kept chanting no, but I continued on._

_I reached in between his legs and began to pump him. He arched his back._

_“No. No no no no no.” He whimpered before coming. I smiled, stroking the side of his face._

_“Good boy, good boy.”_

_I began to thrust harder, his head inching up the pillow. I could feel the familiar coil begin to tighten in my stomach as my hips began to snap forward crazily._

_“I’m g-gonna… I’m gonna c-c-cum.” I said, my hands dropping to his hips._

_“Goddamn it baby. You’re so beautiful my good boy. Daddy’s good bo-”_

My eyes snapped opened as my hips arched off the bed as I came. I dropped back on the bed, my heart racing. I looked around the room, my heart pounding in my chest. I looked down at my pajamas, cum spreading through the front.

I just came… I just came to the thought of raping Zayn.

I dropped my head in my hands, pushing my palms deep into my eyelids. I wanted to erase the image from my head, erase those thoughts that made me do that. What kind of sicko got off on the thought of hurting their best friend?

What kind of sicko let themselves almost hurt their best friend in the first place.

That night I didn’t get much sleep.

 

I heard knocking on my door and I looked up to see Zayn.

“Hey” He whispered, looking down at the ground.

“What’s wrong?” I asked and he shrugged, crawling onto my bed.

“I… I uh just need you.” He whispered, laying his head in my lap. He clung to me, sounding more scared than I’d ever heard. I took a deep breath, trying to rid myself of the thoughts that I’d been having since that night. I hesitantly began to stroke his hair until I felt him stiffen. He began to jerk in my lap, softly grunting.

“Shh, you’re okay. You’re okay Zayn.” I whispered to him, stroking his hair. I anxiously looked up at the door. Should I call for someone?

No one was here.

How did he get in?

That is not something I should be focusing on right now.

Alfred began to whimper, pawing at the bottom of the bed. He was still too small to climb up the side of the bed.

He stopped after what seemed like forever, it was really just a minute, maybe a minute and a half.

“Zayn?” I whispered, after he came around a minute later.

“Sorry…” He whispered, wiping subconsciously at his mouth.

“What’s going on?” I asked and he sighed, his eyes drooping heavily.

“My dad called.” He whispered and I tensed up.

“When?” I asked.

“Last weekend.” He answered back.

“Why didn’t you tell me? You haven’t been sleeping have you?” I asked and he shrugged.

“What did he want?” I asked.

“He wants to see me and the girls. He wants us to spend thanksgiving together. He wants us to maybe even spend the summers there. He wants to be a part of our lives again.” He said before sighing.

“I don’t want to see him though… I don’t ever want to see him again. But the girls really miss him and there is no way I’m letting them go over there by themselves.” He said.

“What did your mom say?” I asked.

“She said it’s up to me. But why should she make me choose?” He said, looking up at me. He had tears in his eyes, and his lips were still tinted blue from the seizure.

“Because you’re strong.” I offered and he shook his head, burying his face in my shirt.

“That’s just it Li! I don’t want to be strong all the time. I have to be strong for my mom, and for the girls. Who’s going to be strong for me?” He whimpered and I kissed the top of his head.

“I will.”

I had to suck up all of this. Why was I complaining? My dad didn’t hit me, my dad loved me, even if he loved me too much. I had to get past all of these negative feelings, and my aversion to being near Zayn, the only thing it did was hurt Zayn. I never wanted to hurt Zayn, not like his dad hurt him, not like the world hurt him.

“Before I moved here, I prayed to Allah, I prayed He would make it better, I prayed He’d give me a _malak_ , an angel.” Zayn whispered, pawing at my chest. Was he calling me an angel?

“I don’t believe in God.” I whispered back and he looked back at me.

“Why not?” He asked, dumbfounded. Part of me couldn’t understand why he didn’t get it. He was handed a pretty shitty hand in life. Sure he was blessed with a beautiful face and so many talents, but he was plagued with a sickness.

“All the shit that happens in the World, that’s happened to people like you” and me “It just doesn’t make sense. If there were something up there, why would people suffer?” I asked and he sighed.

“So that when it’s all over, they’ll know they are stronger for it. So that when we get done here, we can say that we never gave up, and it’ll make heaven worthwhile.” He whispered, playing with a pendant that was around his neck.

He looked like he believed that fully, that no matter what happened, he was convinced that there was someone up there looking out for him, making sure that he made it. He was lucky that he could believe that. It must be nice to believe in something more than _this_. But how could God let these things happen to Zayn, and to my mom, and everyone around the world and just watch?

How could he let someone harbor so much evil in their heart?

“Li, sleep.” Zayn whispered, his eyes drooping closed. His lips had returned to a normal hue, but he still looked pale. I shifted so that he was laying down and grabbed Alfred off the floor. The pup nestled in between us and I let my eyes drift closed as the rain fell against the house.

Zayn clung to me that night, hiding his face in my shoulder.

“Zayn you’ve got to go home now.” I whispered, rubbing his back.

“I know, I know.” He said, breathing out.

“Call your dad alright?” I said, grabbing his face in my hands.

“Alright.” He said, nodding in my grasp. “I love you.”

I smiled and kissed his forehead softly.

“I love you too.” I whispered back. He hugged me one more time before running down the driveway and to his mom’s car.


	17. Fight for your love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam and His mother bond a little bit and Liam gets his progress reports back.

“Karen! Is that boy gone?” My dad yelled and I tensed.

“Yes he’s gone.” My mom said, exasperatedly. I walked back up to my room and flopped down on my bed.

“What did you say?” I heard and I sat up in bed, going to the top of the stairs.

“What’s the big deal with Zayn? So what if Liam’s gay. Zayn’s a nice boy and he cares about Liam.” My mom said.  
“That boy is not nice, all he is doing is taking Li away from m- You don’t understand Karen. You’re just a stupid bitch.” He yelled back.  
“I’m stupid because I know what love is? I’m stupid because I don’t want you to ruin his relationship like you ruined ours? I’m stupid because I want my son to be happy? You don’t understand Geoff… Zayn makes him happy!” She yelled at him and I heard her fall to the floor with a shriek.

I rushed down the stairs to see my mom lying on the floor, holding on to her face.

“Hey! Leave her alone.” I said, pushing past him to cover her.

“Li- it’s not-”He began.

“Just leave her alone. God.” I said back to her. His face turned red before he grabbed his jacket and walked out of the house.

I grabbed her hands gently and led her onto the couch. She sat down the couch, her face staring down at her lap blankly. I looked around, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly.

I finally went into the kitchen and got two pints of ice cream and a box of tissues before going back to the couch.

“Uh, mom… Here.” I said, handing her a pint of Ice cream.

“Chunky Munky?” She asked with a breathy laugh.

“Yeah, it’s your favorite right?” I asked, handing her a spoon.

“Yeah… it is.” She said hesitantly. I crawled onto the couch next to her, pulling a blanket onto our laps. I opened the pint and dipped my fork in.

I never really liked spoons.

“Half- baked.” I said, raising the pint awkwardly. We sat in silence for a while, the only thing to be heard were her sad little sniffles.

“He shouldn’t have hit you.” I said and she shrugged.

“I don’t see why it’s a problem.” She whispered, looking up at me.

“I don’t see why he has such a problem with you being gay. He’s not super religious, there’s literally nothing that makes sense for him to hate it so much.”

It was my turn to shrug, as I looked deeply into the ice cream. Did he have a problem with me being gay, or did he have a problem with me being with Zayn?

Maybe if I were gay, then he was gay…What if he thought he made me this way.

“Honey, there’s nothing wrong with you being gay. I love you so much, and I’m not ashamed of it. Zayn loves you so much. I know you’re just fourteen and everything feels like love, but I can tell it’s more than just being fourteen. He cares about you so much and he looks at you as if you were the most important person in the world.” She whispered and I shrugged again.

“Looking at that makes me realize that I’d never seen your father look at me like that. He never… not even when we were in high school, planning our lives together. What if he never loved me?” She whispered.

“Why don’t you leave him?” I asked and she looked over at me, tears in her eyes.

“Because, no matter what, I’ll always look at him like Zayn looks at you. I love him so much.” She cried, and I pulled her into my arm.

“The worse way you can hurt someone, is to not love them.” She whispered and I shook my head.

“No, the worse way is to love them too much.” I whispered into her hair. She looked up at me.

“You’re so cold Liam… You’re detached from everything. Don’t turn into your father please. He’s cold and calculating and knows just how to hurt me. Don’t be that for Zayn. Open up for him at least, if you can’t open up for me.” She said.

“This is the first time you’ve hugged me for real since you were eight.” She said with a breathy laugh.

“No it’s not.” I said incredulously.

“Yeah it is. I remember because you used to be so affectionate towards me. You used to always hug and cuddle me. But then third grade hit and you started to grow colder, you wouldn’t hug me as tight anymore, and you wouldn’t even kiss me. Then fifth grade hit, when the bullying really started, and you wouldn’t even look at me. You became cold and you barely talked to me anymore. And then the incident happened… We were best friends when you were little, inseparable almost. You used to tell me everything. But now look at us, trying to force conversation on a couch. We’re basically strangers.” She took a deep breath.

“What happened to my little boy?” She whispered to herself almost and I shrugged.

“I don’t know… I just… lost my words.”  I whispered back to her and she sighed, letting her head rest on my shoulder.

 

Dad came home later that night, after I’d already tucked mom into bed. He was drunk, but eerily together, not as stumbling as I thought he would be.

I was sitting at the piano, singing softly to myself. I was trying to learn that Ron Pope song that Zayn and I had danced to at homocoming.

“Paper doll silhouettes, Fingertips on-”

“Liam? You awake?” He asked and I looked up, pulling the headphones off.

“What are you doing in here?” I asked and he sighed.

“I didn’t know you could sing.” He whispered and I scowled.

“What are you doing in here?” I asked again.

“Are you mad at me?” He asked. He looked like a little kid who’d just had his hand swatted. I shrugged, putting the headphones on the side of the piano.

“Li, I’m sorry that happened.” My dad said and I sighed.

“Why aren’t you apologizing to Mom?” I asked and he shrugged.

“She knows why it happened. But I hate to think that you hate me now because of what happened. I love you and I don’t want you to think I’m a bad man.” He said, looking down at me.

Now I know why he never looked at mom like she thought Zayn did me. It was because he looked at me like that.

“I don’t hate you dad.” I whispered.

“Good scout, because I would hate myself if I made you hate me. I only hit her because I… I was overwhelmed. She’s so willing to let someone take you from us. She doesn’t love you like I love you. She doesn’t get it. I care so much about you; I can’t let someone take you away. You don’t want someone to take you away from me do you? You love me, and I love you and that’s all you’ll ever need. Your mom doesn’t understand us, she’s so stuck on being the victim, and she doesn’t realize that she’s hurting us. You’ll only be mine forever right?” He whispered and I found myself nodding.

“Good. You don’t need him. You only need me. You need someone strong to guide you. You need me.” He whispered and I nodded again.

“I need you.” I whispered, my voice cracking. He nodded with a smile, leading me back to the bed.

“That’s right baby. Only me, not Zayn.” He said as I fell onto the bed.

“Only you.” I repeated and he nodded, pulling my shirt off and kissing down my chest.

I only needed him.

He ran his hands though my curly hair, as he thrust up into me. He tugged on it lightly.

“I love your hair so much, God baby. I love it so much. There’s enough to grab onto when I fuck you. You love it when I pull your hair, don’t you.” He whispered and I gasped as he pulled my hair again.

“Be a good boy and cum before me. Cum while you’re riding my dick.” He groaned and I panted into his chest as he began to stroke me.

He hit a bundle of nerves in me and I felt pleasure strike through my spine. I jolted as I began to cum, moaning against his chest.

He smiled into my hair and began to thrust up into me harder.

“Such a good boy. Such a good fucking boy.” He panted, his hips stuttering against me as he came. His voice was strained and he had grabbed a hold of my hair, pulling my head back.

I whimpered and he eventually let me ago. He kissed down the side of my face before kissing me on the mouth. He left me with a kiss on the forehead as he stumbled back to his room, fully satisfied.

I laid in bed, my hands shaking.

I needed to do something. I needed to do something to stop it.

I was going to do something.

I got up, pulling on some pajama pants. I went to the bathroom and switched on the light, closing the door softly.

I could hear my dad snoring already.

I pulled opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out a bottle of sleeping medicine.

I looked it over before sitting it on top of the counter.

I grabbed the scissors that my mom had stored there and closed the cabinet.

‘I love your hair.’

I held out strand and snipped it, watching as if fell to the floor.

‘There’s enough to grab onto when I fuck you.’

I cut another curl.

I began to erratically cut my hair.

I had to get it off. The more hair I had, the more he’d want to fuck me.

“Lia- Not again...” I looked over at the door to see my mom standing there.

“Mom…” I whispered. She looked at the floor and her eyes widened. She looked like she was reliving something horrible. I looked down to see all the pills were scattered onto the floor.

When did that happen?

“Oh honey, how many did you take?” She asked, wrapping her arms around me and pulling the scissors out of my hands. She pulled me onto the toilet seat and into her lap.

“None.” I said.

I didn’t take any, did I?

She grabbed a tissue and wiped my face.

I was sobbing.

When the fuck did any of this happen?

“What happened honey?” She asked and I shrugged, tucking my head into her robe. I began to sob harder.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” She whispered.

I bet she was counting the pills on the floor to make sure I really didn’t take any.

“Honey… your hair…” She said, and I reached my hand up. My hair was uneven in some parts.

“I had a bad dream.” I whispered back to her and she tsked.

“Are people picking on you about Zayn?” She asked and I shrugged. I guess that would work.

“They say I look like a faggot.” I whispered and she tsked again, holding me tighter to her chest.

“We’ll get you to the hair dresser in the morning. It’s okay honey.” She whispered to me.

I wonder if she could smell dad’s cum all over me.

 

I searched through my hat storage and sighed, I couldn’t find my Batman snapback. I sighed and grabbed a random blue beanie before hurrying downstairs.

“Do you want me to drive you to school?” my mom asked and I shook my head.

“I’ll take the bus.”

 

I walked into lunch, slinging my bag onto the ground.

“Hey babe.” Zayn said, kissing me on the top of the head before sitting his tray down. He handed me a jello cup and I nodded at him.

“Why’re you wearing a hat?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Got a haircut.” I whispered.

“Leemo!” Niall said, pulling the beanie off of my head. I quickly put my hand over my hands and Zayn tsked.

“Leave him alone.” Zayn said, pushing Niall away. Niall laughed but sat down in front of us. Zayn handed me the beanie.

“Can I see, Li?” He asked and I shook my head.

“Please?” He said and I sighed, but let go.

“It’s so stupid. I look so stupid.” I said and he shook his head.

“I think you look h- very nice.” He said, his face turning pink.

“Really?” I asked and he nodded.

“You look… rough, and strong. So manly. And older. You’ll make all the boys swoon.” Zayn said and I blushed.

“I look like a mental patient.” I muttered and he shook his head.

“No, you look like a bad boy.”

My face paled.

“I’m not a bad boy… I’m a good boy. I promise.” I whimpered and Zayn looked over at Niall. Niall nodded, getting up from the table quickly.

“You’re right Li, you’re not a bad boy. You’re a nice and sweet boy.” He said, pulling me into his arms.  I struggled against them, my heart racing.

“It’s okay Li. Do you want to go to the bathroom?” Zayn asked, patting the top of my head soothingly. I shook my head.

“No, I’m fine.” I said, burying my head into his chest.

“Sing to me.” I whispered.

He nodded and rocked me slightly, singing softly in my ear.

“Hey guys.” I looked up to see Harry sitting down beside of us, his face looked overly calm, as if he were trying not to be concerned.

Once Harry sat down, Niall reappeared, carrying some more food.

“Still hungry.” Niall said with a shrug, looking carefully over at Zayn.

“So… progress reports are going out today.” Harry said and Niall winced.

“Yeah, so my funeral will be held after school today. You’re all invited. Zayn, I want you to give my eulogy, make it sweet. Let them know how much of a badass I was.”

“Niall Horan was awesome at taking pictures, but couldn’t keep his eyes off of Perrie and Leigh-Anne long enough to learn the precipitation cycle.” Zayn said with solemn face.

“Dude, I’m sure if you got to watch those two…”

Zayn made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat.

“Well, that’s not fair, you don’t get distracted by girls. If you got to watch li-“

“Niall shut up.” Harry said, slapping the kid in the back of the head.

“Hey!” He said, shielding his head.

“Stop being an idiot.” Harry said around a bite of PB&J.

“Hey, what’s the chances that you have something lower than a B+?” Gemma said as she walked over to the table.

“Hey Niall.” She said with a blush, ducking down to kiss him on the cheek before looking around and making sure no one ‘cool’ saw her.

A freshman dating a senior… not cool. Unless the senior was a boy, and the freshman was a girl.

Double standards and all.

“Uh… nope,  all A’s and one B+. The stupid baby project brought my A+ down, Mom’s gonna kill us.” Harry said and Gemma sighed, scooting into Niall’s lap, who looked super happy despite the fact his ‘funeral’ was this afternoon.

“What about you Li?” Zayn asked and I shrugged.

“I didn’t want to look, I’m probably failing all of my classes.” I said and he shook his head.

“That can’t be true, you’re super smart. Let me see.” I handed him the folded up letter and crossed my hands over my chest, my beanie falling into my eyes.

“Well, let’s see Mr. Payne, B in PE, C in History, A in Early Childhood, and a B In English... Those are not failing grades… those are passing, those are super passing!” He said and I looked up at him, a smile spreading across my face.

“Are you shitting me?” I asked and he shook his head before wrapping his arms around me.

“No, Li, you’re smart. I’ve been trying to tell you that.” He said, leaning his head against my forehead.

“I am?” I whispered back.

“You are.”

“Excuse me, uh… It’s probably time to go to class.” Harry said, prying us apart.

“Niall, get your dirty bumpkin hands off of my sister.” He nodded back at the blonde and Niall, ever the eloquent, flicked him off.

Zayn rolled his eyes, his fingers sliding between mine gently.

I stopped at the door of Mrs. Teasdale’s door. I forgot about Friday that quickly.

Zayn nudged me forward and I stumbled into the classroom, sitting in my normal seat.

She didn’t say anything to me at all that day. Somehow that hurt worse than I thought it would.


	18. Kiss Me Like You Wanna Be Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a snow day and Liam and Zayn play in the snow.

I flopped down on Zayn’s bed and he crawled in after me.

“Thanksgiving is coming soon…” He whispered and I nodded.

“Yeah, next Thursday…” I said as his hands ran soothingly through my short hair. It was strange not having all of my hair.

“It’s nice.” He murmured and I nodded. His hands trailed across my scalp for a while, softly singing to me. I sang back, my voice muted against my lips.

“Have you called your dad?” I asked and he shrugged, halfway asleep.

“I will later.” He said, I wonder if he really would.

 

“We should invite Zayn’s family over for Thanksgiving this year.” My mom said as she gathered the plates from the table.

“I dunno.” I said, looking over at my Dad, whose face was strained.

“Why not, he did help our Liam get a B in English. It’s the least we could do.” My dad said.

“And the fact that he’s his boyfriend and we haven’t even met his parent’s.” My mom muttered under her breath.

“Besides, we never have anyone come over, and we always have plenty of food left over, it’d be nice.” My mom said and my dad shrugged, nursing a shot of liquor.

“Hey, let me wash those dishes for you mom.” I said, grabbing the dishes from her hands. I’d been trying harder to be nice to her.

“Thank you sweetie.” She said, hugging me, I shied away from the touch as usual, but tried my best to accept it. I untangled from her arms and went to the kitchen, setting the dishes in the sink.

I looked down at the dishwasher, I had absolutely no idea how to work that thing. I sighed and began to hand wash the plates.

I began to sing to myself, hearing Zayn’s voice intertwine with mine.

“More honey.” I startled, flinging soap onto the window and the floor. Since when had my Dad been standing there?

“Dad, what are you-” I began and he shifted his hips against mine.

“Sing that pretty song you were just singing sweetie.” My dad said, and I felt my heart speed up. He gripped my torso, and forced me harder against the countertop.

  
“Sing sweetie.” He whispered, rubbing his hand in what he thought must have been a soothing pattern.

I cleared my throat and began to sing again shakily.

“take it all, take it in, take off all the thoughts of what we’ve been.” I sang, trying to keep my voice steady as he began to rut against me.

I could feel my arousal being pushed against the countertop.

I bit my lip, trying not to react to the situation.

_Zayn and I laid in his bed, tracing at the patterns that he’d created._

_“This one is you, this one is me.” He said, pointing at some abstract little markings._

_“what is that?” I asked and he smiled._

_“It’s an L and Z. Come on Li, I’m not that bad at painting.” He said, rolling over to lie on my chest._

_He leaned up, kissing my chin before snuggling into my shirt._

_“You’re the best pillow ever.” He murmured and I smiled, pulling him closer to me._

“Turn around.” My dad said, pulling me around. He’d already had his pants unbuttoned, and my pants were around my ankles.

When did that happen?

He pushed me onto my knees and began to tug himself erratically until he came on my face and in my hair.

“Mine.” He whispered, rubbing his filth into my forehead.

I got up, pulling my pants up and walked to my room, thanking whatever higher powers that were above that I didn’t walk past my mom before sitting on my bed. I wiped his filth off my face.

I’d ‘left’ while he was doing that. I’d never done that before.

\---

“Liyam” I looked over at Waliyah from Zayn’s bed.

“Hey Wally. I’ve missed you.” I said and she smiled.

“I’ve missed you too. Zayn’s really missed you. Sometimes I hear him at night. He’s always like. ‘ _Li, god li, right th_ -”

“Waliyah- Shut up and get out.” Zayn said, his face turning red.

“What else does he say Wally?” I asked and his face turned even redder.

“Sometimes he whines, like a baby. And he’s always talking about going to your house. ‘I’m com-“

“Out!” Zayn yelled, throwing a pillow at her.

“I’m telling!”  She pouted, sticking her tongue at him before running out of the room.

“Where were you going Zayn?” I asked and he looked down at his bed.

“Shut up.” He said and I laughed crawling onto the bed.

“Oh Li, god.” I taunted and he looked up at me.

“I hate you.” He said back and I shook my head, crawling on top of him.

“Obviously not…” I said and he rolled his eyes. I began to tickle him until he gave in.

“Zayn, tell me what you say.” I said and he looked up at me, a gleam in his eyes.

“Harder please. Right there, right there!” He moaned out.

I grabbed his hands and pinned them above his head and his breath hitched.

He rolled his hips minutely and I blanched.

“Zayn, why is your sister crying?” I heard his mom ask and I rolled off of him. He sat up in bed, putting a pillow over his lap.

She opened the door and looked between us. Zayn was looking down at the bed, his face still red.

“You two.” She said with a small shake of her head.

“It looks like it’s about to snow, are you staying the night here? Or are you going home?” She asked and I looked over at Zayn.

“I’m going home soon.” I said and she nodded before leaving your room.

“She probably thinks we were fooling around.” I said and he eyed me evilly.

He hit me with the pillow that was on his lap and I tackled him onto the bed, stilling so that my head was laid was on his chest.

“Draw.” I said, shoving my arm up at him. He grabbed a marker and began to trace alongside the inside of my arm, His fingers tracing over the crescent moon scars on the inside of my elbow.

 

I awoke the next morning, stretching my back before hearing a knock at my door.

“Li! Wake up!” I sat up to see Zayn standing at my door.

“What are you doing here?” I asked and he smiled.

“It snowed. School’s cancelled. Now wake up!” He said, jumping onto my bed.

“Are you kidding?” I asked and he shook his head, snuggling his head under my chin.

“Look out the window if you don’t believe me, and God, brush your teeth; your breath is rank. I don’t like morning breath kisses.” He said, nudging me with his head.

“Shut up Z. I just woke up. Get off of me.” I said, pushing him off of me. He plucked me, still smiling.

I went into the bathroom, showering quickly, I really didn’t want to smell like my dad, before pulling a robe on. I brushed my teeth a little extra today, before running a hand absently over my short hair. I sighed before looking down at my wrist.

Along with the miscellaneous squiggles a piece of my skin was clear, the only letters marking it were Zayn and mine’s name and a little plus sign. It was my favorite.

“Hey Li, let- whoa.” Zayn said, looking up at me.

I blushed, wrapping my robe tighter around my body.

“Sorry- uh.” He cleared his throat. “Hurry up and get dressed, I want to play in the snow.” He said and I nodded before going over to my closet.

“Don’t look.” I said as I began to pull the robe off of my shoulders.

“I won’t.” He said and I looked back at him to see he was staring.

“I’m serious.” I said, chucking a shoe at him. He turned around with a laugh and I quickly slipped on a pair of underwear.

I wonder if he could see the yellowing bruises on my hipbones.

We bounded through the snow after breakfast, having a lazy day. My parents weren’t home and Zayn’s sisters were at the salon with his mom.

“Gotcha!” Zayn said, smashing a snowball on my head. I scooped down and picked him up, spinning us around.

He threw back his head, a laugh blooming out of his chest.

He laid his head on my shoulder and I kissed him on the forehead. He looked up at me, a bashful smirk on his face. His cheeks were dusted in a pretty red, barely noticeable over his tan skin.

I dropped onto my back in the snow, and he rolled off of me, laying beside me as he continued to smush snow in my hair and on my face.

I nudged his forehead with mine and he smiled, his eyes looking straight into mine.

He was looking at me like mom described .

“Let’s go inside.” I whispered, standing up and helping him up. He nodded before following me upstairs, our hands still intertwined.

“It’s freezing out there.” Zayn said, slipping his shoes off. I dragged him upstairs and turned around to face him. I undid his scarf and he blushed, pulling off his gloves. I unzipped his jacket and he shrugged it onto my floor. I pulled his hat off and he pushed my jacket off of my shoulder.

We sat down on my bed, facing each other.

“So beautiful.” I whispered and he blushed, looking down.

“Li, can I- Can I ask you something?” He asked and I nodded, running my hands through his hair.

“Can- can I kiss you?” He asked and I smirked.

“Yeah.” I whispered. He leaned forward, planting his lips on mine. My eyes fluttered closed immediately and I let my hands fall to his lower back as I moved my lips experimentally.

I’d never kissed someone back before. Hell, besides my Dad, I’d never kissed anyone before.

He let his arms circle around my neck and I sighed, my hands trailing up and down his back.

I loved this kid.

“I love you.” I whispered and he smiled against my lips.

“I love you too. So much.” He said, his voice weak with emotion. I laid him back onto my bed, breaking the kiss long enough to get my shirt off.

I was engulfed in Zayn, I didn’t hear anything else, didn’t see anything else. I could only breathe in Zayn and the more I breathed in, the more I was intoxicated by him.

His hands trailed down my chest slowly, his fingers catching on my shoulders every once in a while.

I could hear the little whimpers fall out of his lips as the kiss began to get more passionate.

What I didn’t hear was the front door opening, or the stairs creaking.


	19. Giving the Slut What He Deserves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff catch Liam and Zayn kissing. He punishes Liam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is very graphic rape and some violence. Be careful.

“Hey Li I’m-“ My dad opened the door and my eyes popped opened.

“What the hell is going on here?” My dad yelled and I quickly rolled off of Zayn, grabbing my shirt to cover myself.

“Dad I-”

“Get out!” My dad said, pulling Zayn off of the bed.

“Dad wait, please.” I said, yanking his arm off of Zayn.

“How fucking dare you! How dare you.” My dad said and I shook my head.

“Dad, I really li-”

“Shut up.” He yelled.

“Mr. Pa-”

“Don’t you open your fucking mouth. Corrupting my son? Get out. I’m not going to say it again.” My dad said.

“Li-” Zayn plead, looking over at me.

“Get out! Just leave!” I yelled at Zayn.

 He rushed from my room and ran down the stairs.

I could hear him crying as he slammed my front door.

“How dare you? I’ve been nothing but nice about this fake relationship, and this is how you repay me?” He asked and I shook my head.  
“Dad, I’m sorry.” I muttered and he chuckled darkly.

“You’re going to be, slut!” He said.

He kicked my door closed behind me and pulled his belt off forcefully.

“How dare you let him touch you like that?”  My dad asked and I backed away from him.

“Look at what you’re wearing… you’re fucking naked.” My dad said, disgust in his voice.

“You’ve been a very bad boy Liam.” My dad said and I shook my head.

“No, I’m goo-” I began, my hands shaking by my side.

“Shut the fuck up! I am the only who can kiss you like that…” He said, locking the door.

“I’m the only one who can touch you like that!” He said, pushing me down on the bed.

“And I’m the only one who fucks you slut!” He yelled, pulling my pants down. I tried to push against him, shoving his chest hard as I tried to fight back. I thrashed trying to get free. I tried to get my feet under him, to kick him off of me.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He asked and I threw a punch. It landed on his jaw and he chuckled.

“Did you just hit me back?” He asked and I scrambled to the top of the bed.

He laughed, rubbing his jaw before reeling back and smacking me hard.

My head bounced off the headboard and he grabbed me by the legs, dragging me closer to him.

“Dad! Please…” I sobbed and he shook his head, hitting me once more.

“I’m giving the little slut what he deserves.” He said, pulling my underwear down. He flipped me on my stomach and pushed into me.

I screamed and he shoved my head down into the pillow.

“Take it! Take what you deserve you dirty slut.”

“I- I’m not a slut.” I whimpered out.

“Shut up! Slut’s don’t talk.” He said, hitting me in the side of the head with each word.

He shoved me down harder, wrapping my legs around his waist. I struggled against his hold, trying to find some air.

He pounded into me relentlessly, shoving my head into the pillow until I had to turn my head to keep from suffocating.

He wrapped his hand around me and tugged harshly.

“Dad- please don’t.” I whispered.

“Shut up and take your punishment, you’re lucky I’m even letting you get off.” He said, tugging harder and faster.

“Dad…” I whined.

“It’s your fault Liam. Look at the way you were dressed. It’s all your fault.” He said I bit into my bottom lip as I released into my sheets.

I sighed, he’d be done.

He continued to slide his hand over me and I winced.

“Daddy… please, it hurts now. Stop.” I murmured and he laughed.

He continued until I came twice more, the last time dry.

“Look at the slut, likes being used don’t you.” He said, thrusting into me roughly a couple more times before starting to release in me. He slid out of me and turned me around, finishing on my face. He shook his head before pulling up his underwear and pants. He left my room and I closed my eyes.

My phone vibrated

‘Li can we talk’ Zayn texted me.

 I sighed, turning off my phone and throwing it across the room.

 

I tried to sit up and winced. It hurt like hell to even move. I slowly managed to get out bed and slipped into the bathroom.

I looked into the mirror, my eye was swollen and black, a cut just above my lid. I looked down to see blood on the seat of my underwear. I sighed, grabbing a cloth. I leaned against the wall and began to clean some of the blood and semen off of my face and between my legs.

I shuffled back to my room and locked my door.

He was right.

It was my fault.

“Liam, Dinner!” My mom yelled and I groaned.

“I’m not hungry.” I yelled back down. I couldn’t leave my room; she’d know something was up.

That night once mom had went to sleep; he came into my room again.

He tried to fuck me again.

It felt like there was fire spreading through my insides, everything hurt too much. Eventually he just settled on fucking my throat raw.

That way the slut can’t tell anyone.

He came down my throat and left the room, not even looking back.

He didn’t look at me like Zayn looked at me at all.

 

“Liam honey… time for school.” My mom said softly, knocking on my door.

“’m not going.” I croaked out and she tsked.

“Li, are you okay?” She asked.

“I’m sick. Just leave me alone.” I said, pulling my blanket over my head. She tried my door only to find it was locked.

“Do you want me to stay home with you?” She asked.

“No. Just leave me alone. What don’t you get?” I croaked out, coughing at the end.

“Sorry.” She whispered and I heard her dejected little footsteps retreat from my door.

I turned over and buried my head into my pillow, tears spilling hot onto my cheeks.

_‘Liam honey. Are you close?” My dad asked, rubbing his hand against my penis quickly. I nodded, my toes curling and my eyes fluttering closed. He rubbed his hands over my protruding belly, his thumb caressing the skin there._

_“Daddy… -I” I choked as a warm feeling filled my chest. I looked down to see the semen that had landed on my stomach._

_It wasn’t from Daddy._

_“Oh honey. You’re a big boy now.” My dad said, smiling at me._

_“I did good, Daddy?” I asked and he smirked, kissing my forehead and smoothing down my curly hair that was beginning to mat to my forehead with sweat._

_“You did so good honey. So good.” He said, his hands moving quick in his boxers. He clenched his eyes closed as he came in his underwear. Daddy never came in his underwear._

_“You okay, Daddy?” I asked, smoothing my hand over his eyelids._

_“Yeah honey. Daddy’s so happy with his baby boy. Tomorrow, we’ll get to play a new special game.” He said, his lips meeting mine hungrily. I opened my mouth like I’d been taught to do and he licked my top teeth._

_I didn’t like it when Daddy tongue kissed me. His tongue was too big and I felt like I was going to choke on it._

I opened my eyes and looked over at the clock. It was around noon.

 I sighed and rolled over.

I wish I could just close my eyes and forget.

_“Liam, time for the big boy game.” My Dad said, slipping onto my bed quietly. I sat up, excitement jumping through my fingertips. Maybe I’d like this game a little more than the other ones. The other felt weird when he was doing it to me, the only time it felt right was after Daddy finished touching me because I came. That was the best part. He slipped my underwear off and I laid back on the bed. I felt him nudge between my buttcheeks and I winced._

_“Daddy, what are you doing?” I whined and he looked up at me._

_“It's a part of the game baby. Daddy's just wants to make his baby boy feel good.”_

_I felt his finger prod against me again and I shouted._

_“Daddy, it hurts.” He sighed and reached into a grocery bag on the floor. I looked down at the bag, tears now forgotten._

_“I've got something for you. If you are a good boy.” He said, pulling out a box of Zebra Cakes._

_“The whole box?” I asked and he nodded._

_“Just for me?” I asked and he nodded again, pouring the box on the bed_

_“Only if you're a good boy and you're quiet. Mommy can't know about our games…”_

_“Because then she'll take me away from me, and she doesn't love me. Only you love me.” I said and he nodded with a smile._

_“Good boy. Here, you get a snack for that. Now remember, Be a good boy.” He whispered, handing me a sweet before going back to pushing his fingers in me._

_I whimpered into the sweet and he handed me a new package as he got four fingers in._

_I got a new one when he entered me fully._

_“Daddy! Stop it hurts.” I cried out and he shook his head, kissing me on the forehead._

_“No baby, it's okay. Daddy's almost done. Just a little more. You can be a good boy right?” He asked and I nodded uncertainly._

_I wanted to be good so bad, but it hurt so bad._

_“I’m a good boy.” I whispered and he nodded._

_“yes you are. Yes you are.” He wiped his forehead with a whispered swear before thrusting again._

_“God, Baby.” My dad whimpered, pulling out and spilling onto my stomach._

_“Good boy.” My dad panted, putting his forehead on my chest. He handed me a snack cake as he petted my protruding stomach._

_I sniffled, trying to keep my sobs at bay._

I opened my eyes again. It was later; the sun looked like it was setting.

“Has Liam been down yet?” My mom asked my dad and I heard him mumble a reply.

“Should we take him to the hospital?” My mom asked.

“No, let it run its course. It’s just a stomach bug.” My dad said.

That would explain why I wasn’t eating anything.

“I’m going to go check on him.” My mom said.

“Just sit down.” I heard my dad say to her.

I pulled my blanket over my head.

I didn’t want to be bothered. 


	20. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam finally comes clean about the abuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright Guys, this is the end. Let me know what you think. It's really long but i didn't want to break it up because I couldn't split it up. Also I hate uneven numbers so i couldn't put make it twenty one chapters. Thank you for sticking with the story, I hope you like it. Here's The End.

The next morning came and I groaned as I rolled over.

I was still bleeding.

How long had I been in bed?

I rubbed at my swollen eye and winced.

I stood gingerly and drew my blinds. It was too bright. My stomach growled loudly and I shook my head.

I couldn’t eat. If I ate, i’d have to... use the bathroom. I don’t think I should eat.

I looked over at my alarm clock.

It was ten. I had missed another day of school. Today was Thursday right?

He hurt me on Tuesday. So I missed two days of school.

I opened my door and crept into the bathroom, showering quickly before going back to my room and pulled on a pair of sweatpants. I laid back in bed and tried to focus on anything but the throbbing in my ass and the pain in my head.

“Liam!” My mom rapped on the door hard.

“What?” I groaned.

“Dinner’s ready.” I said and I winced.

“Leave me alone Karen.” I bit back and she sighed.

“Liam! You haven’t eaten in three days! You’re going to eat a goddamned meal!” She yelled and I whined.

“Please… leave me alone.” I whimpered.

“I’m going to leave this tray in front of your door. It had better be eaten.” She said and I shook my head to myself.

“Fuck off.” I groaned out.

I waited for her to retreat from the door before opening it and pulling the tray into my room. It was a bowl of soup and a grilled cheese.

My stomach growled pathetically and before I could stop myself I was gulping the soup down. I finished the bowl off and devoured the grilled cheese before putting the tray on the night stand.

Then it hit me.

I’d eaten. I’d given in. I was weak. I couldn’t fight my father off. I couldn’t even keep myself from eating soup. I was such a fatass. This was the whole reason my dad hurt me. I was fat and I gave in just like always.

I stood up, and quickly rushed to the bathroom.

My mother was locked in her room. It was time for her to go to bed.

Dad was home too. But he hadn’t tried to touch me again.

He said I needed some time to think about what I’d done.

Because I was a no good slut who had no self-control. I was weak and I let anyone touch me. I stuck my finger down my throat and threw up all the soup. I continued to throw up, my back arching painfully. My hands were trembling against the toilet bowl seat. I was gripping the seat painfully tight, my knuckles turning white. I dropped to my knees and almost screamed out from the pain that ripped through my buttocks and up my spine. I leaned against wall heavily, vomit coating my lips.

I wiped my mouth off feebly and pulled my legs to my chest.

I eventually went back to my room and laid down in bed.

I awoke the next morning, my throat even rawer than before.

I didn’t even attempt to clean the blood out of the seat of my pants.

 

I awoke the  next day to knocking on the door.

“Mom, I still don’t feel good. Please leave me alone.” I croaked out. I got no answer, so I pulled a pillow over my head.

The knocking sounded again and I hobbled out of bed and leaned against the door.

“Mom, please go away.”

Nothing happened and I sighed. Had she gone away? Was she even there? Was I just imagining someone knocking on the door?

I clenched my teeth as I wrapped my hand around the doorknob and turned it. My hands were trembling hard.

“Mom, are you-“

I looked up to see Zayn staring at me, Harry standing behind him.

“I can expla-” I began, backing into my room. Zayn’s face became enraged his eyes trailing over me. I must have looked like a wreck. My eye was still blacked and I had hickeys all over my neck. I wasn’t wearing a shirt, so he could see the scratch marks that were cutting into hips and trailing into my pants. I turned around to grab a shirt when I heard Harry gasp.

I turned quickly.

I hadn’t changed my pants, and there was blood staining through my pants.

I felt like my life was crumbling.

“Who did this?” Zayn asked, but I could tell by the look on his face.

He already knew.

“Zayn, please, it’s not that bad.” I took a step back.

“Who did it?” He asked, taking a step forward.

“Really, it’s all my fault.”

“Who did it?” He asked again, taking a step forward.

“I’m not that hurt. Really.” I took another step back

“Who did it? Tell me.” He spoke taking another step forward.

“I’m just a slut. I was half naked.  I provoked it. Look at what I was wearing.” I said, taking another step.

“Liam. Tell me who did this.” He stepped forward again.

“Zayn, please.” I begged, my eyes pleading with him as I stepped away from him.

“Liam. Who did it?”

“He loves me.” I whimpered and he shook his head.

I took another quick step backward, but tripped over a discarded sneaker and landed on my ass. I screeched out in pain and they rushed forward.

“Li, are you okay?” Harry asked and I nodded with a wince.

“You aren’t supposed to bleed like that. Louis told me so. Blood is a bad sign.” Harry whispered hurriedly.

“Who hurt you Liam?” Zayn asked and I closed my eyes.

“Don’t make me say.”

“Damn it Liam. Tell me.” Zayn said, grabbing my shoulders. I flinched and I felt him take his hands off of me.

“Daddy was giving the slut what he deserved.” I breathed out and I heard someone breathe out.

I opened my eyes to see Zayn standing near the door, Harry holding him there.

“I’m going to kill him. Goddamn Harry. I’m going to kill him.” Zayn muttered and Harry shook his head.

“Zayn, you can’t kill him. God. Look at Liam. Liam’s bigger than you and he couldn’t take him. What the hell can you do?” He asked and I looked down at my body.

I was disgusting.

“Does your mom know?” Zayn asked and I shook my head.

“She can’t know. She’ll hate me. I’m the slut who ruined her marriage. She can’t know.” I whimpered and Harry let go of Zayn.

“Liam, you have to tell your mom. You have to.” He said and I stood up, bracing my hands on the wall as I clenched my teeth from the pain.

“Stop! Everyone just stop telling me what to do. I never have a choice. Everyone always makes me do what they want. When do I get to decide?”

Zayn quieted at my outburst.

“When do I get to decide?” I whimpered, feeling the weak tears building up in my chest.

“it’s okay. Li, can I hug you?” Zayn asked and I nodded. He wrapped his hands around me, holding me up. I could feel fear rising in my chest but I managed to push it down.

“I’m sorry I’m such a slut. I was too weak. It’s all my fault.” I muttered into his shirt.

“It’s not your fault. I swear to Allah Li, It’s not your fault. I know you don’t want to… But I really think you should tell your mom. She can help. She can make sure that he doesn’t hurt you anymore.” He whispered.

“But Daddy loves me.” I whimpered and I felt him stiffen. He sat me down on the bed gently.

“What he did to you wasn’t love Sweetie.”

But that was the only reason he did it. Because he loved me. That’s what he always said. He loved me too much, but he loved me.

“But… he loves me. He said it. He loves me.” I whimpered and he leaned his head on top of mine.

He shushed me, rocking me gently back and forth.

Part of me knew he was right. I had to tell my mother. I had to get it off my chest, no matter how much she would hate me; she would have to know what I did.

“Can we go tell my mom?” I asked and I felt him nod against my head. I stood gingerly, and Harry grabbed my other arm as I began to hobble down the stairs.

I felt Zayn’s hand skirt over my wrist and I pulled back slightly. He looked over at me sadly and I looked down.

I could feel the shame rolling off me.

I leaned in the kitchen archway, watching as my mom scrubbed plates.

Like usual.

I took a deep breath.

“Mom?” I croaked out. She turned around and the plate that she was holding dropped to the ground, shattering in a million pieces. I looked down at the glass, mesmerized for a couple of seconds. What would it be like to just sink those into my throat-

No. Not now. Not when I was so close.

“Zayn, what did you do?” She asked.

“It wasn’t me Mrs. Payne. Those wounds aren’t fresh and I’d never, ever hurt Liam.” He said.

“You’re the only one who’s been over. Who else…” She stopped talking, maybe even stopped breathing.

“Zayn didn’t… hurt…me.” I croaked, taking a deep breath.

“No.” She whimpered.

“Dad…. He…..h-he h.-” I took a shallow breath. I felt like I was drowning. But I could swim. Daddy taught me how.

“No. God. No please.” My mom whispered and I bit my lip before looking back at Zayn.

She didn’t believe me. She thought I was lying.

I could feel my hands trembling, could feel them itching to stop the pain in my chest.

“I’m so sorry mom. I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me.” I sobbed and she pulled me in a hug.

“No, please. It’s not your fault.” She cried into my hair.

“Please d-don’t hate me please. I didn’t want it. I swear. But I couldn’t stop him. And I came and it’s my fault. I always came. I’m sorry.” I cried.

“It’s not your fault baby. And I don’t hate you I swear. I don’t. Sit down please.” She said and I nodded, sitting on the couch. She sat with me and I curled up on the couch. Harry sat on the chair that faced us and Zayn sat by my feet.

“I’m sorry I stole your husband from you. I know how much you love him. I must have wanted it right? I mean, I always got hard, so that meant I wanted him to touch me,right? I’m sorry I’m such a slut.” I said and she shook her head, looking as if she were about to burst into a fresh round of tears.

“You’re not a slut baby. He- He’s sick and what he did to you wasn’t your fault.” She said, grabbing the tissues from Harry.

“How long?” She asked after a minute of silence.

“Since I was eight. That camping trip we took to the lake. That’s when he first touched me. He… he started… fucking me when I was ten...” I said and she balled up her fist.

“Where? When?” she asked, as if she were hoping she wasn’t here.

“He normally just does it in my bed. But once he did it when Harry slept over. We were in my bed.”

Harry crumbled.

“I knew it.” He breathed.

“Sometimes he- He fucked me on this couch. Once he got me off while you were sitting here. We were watching that show about house renovations or something. I wasn’t paying attention. Then once in the kitchen, you were watching Ellen I think. Sometimes he did it while you were reading the bible and a couple of times in the car. But you weren’t there then. He does it every night.” I whispered and she stood up, turning away from me.

“I was here. I was here and he was hurting you and I did nothing. I didn’t even know. What kind of a mother am I?” She asked and I pulled my knees closer to my chest.

“It’s not your fault. He trained me not to make noise.” I said quietly.

She looked down at her watch.

“God, he’s getting home in twenty minutes. I’m going to kill him. I- I” She began to rummage through the coffee table drawer. Dad kept a small pistol in there.

“Mrs. Payne, calm down.” Zayn said, grabbing her around the waist.

I watched with an odd fascination.

They still kept it there.

Even after the incident.

“When you were walking funny all those times?” She asked and I nodded.

“When you could barely talk?” Harry asked.

“fucked my throat raw.” I whispered.

“That fucking hickey?” Zayn asked and I nodded.

“When you were eleven and you wet the bed and you cried for hours as I pried the gun out of your hands?” She whispered and I nodded again.

“Fuck.” She breathed and I nodded.

“Why? Why this time?” She asked and I took a deep breath.

“He caught me and Zayn together… He told me I was a slut and he had to punish me because I was his, only his and no one else could have me. I was a slut and he-” I choked and Harry grabbed a waste basket. I held it to my chest as I threw up nothing but stomach acid.

“He saw what Zayn wrote, so I did this.” I raised my wrist to show the deep imprint of Zayn and I’s name scrawled against my skin. Over top of it were angry red marks.

“Jesus Li.” Harry breathed and I looked down at it.

“It was all my fault. I couldn’t make it stop. I couldn’t make the pain stop.”

My mom sobbed and Zayn just looked at me.

“I was too weak to do any real damage. I couldn’t cut deep enough, I couldn’t scratch deep enough. I couldn’t get all the bad out. I’ve always been too weak.” I whispered.

“So I just fell asleep.” I said and my mom turned her head,

“Damn it. God Fucking Damn it. I could have lost you and I wouldn’t have even known why. I thought it was just the bullying. I thought it was just you being introverted. I didn’t- I… but all these fucking years. All those years of him hurting you and I had no idea.” She said, and I looked down, picking at my wrist.

“What are we going to do?” I whispered, wincing as I tightened my hold on the waste basket that was resting against my knees.

“We’re going to call the police. We’re going to make sure that he never hurts you again.” She whispered into my chest.

  
I heard the doorknob jiggle and I took a deep breath. I looked over at the policeman that was standing by my mom; I guess still taking a statement.

“Why are there police cars outside of our house? What’s wrong with Liam?” My Dad asked as I flinched into the couch. Maybe if he didn’t see me, this wouldn’t be real.

My dad’s eyes locked on mine and I bit my lip.

“You know what’s wrong with him, you fucking sicko. How could you!” My mom said, trying to launch herself at him. The policeman caught my mom before she could get to him.

“What- I don’t. Li baby.” My Dad said and I couldn’t stop looking at him.

“I’m sorry dad, I told. I’m so sorry. I just didn’t know what to do.” I whimpered.

“Li, you didn’t.” He spoke softly.

“Don’t you fucking talk to him you fucking creep. Don’t you dare!”  My mom said.

My dad backed up minutely before looking over at Zayn. I could see the anger in his eyes.

“You- you little bastard.” He took a step towards him and a policeman grabbed his arm and pulled it behind his back.

“How could you?” He asked and I felt the air get knocked out of me.

“I’m sorry dad. I love you. I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me. Please.” I pled as they dragged my dad out of the house.

I buried my head in the sofa and Zayn grabbed me in a hug as I felt the world swallow me up.

Three Weeks Later

“Hey Li.” I looked up at the hospital door to see Niall, Louis, and Harry.

“Hey guys.” I spoke.

I had been here for a while. They had to treat me for dehydration, and an infection. I also had to get reconstructed.

Not to mention I was under suicide watch for a while.

For some reason, my dad hurting me was a giant local news story and I happened to catch the story of how a local CEO was caught in a Child Molestation Scandal. Because of the victim’s age, the identity was not released. Of course my Dad’s name was released and when I didn’t show up to school, I guess you could put the pieces together.

Apparently that was detrimental to my mental health.

“It’s been years, don’t it seem.” Niall said.

“I guess.”I whispered.

“How are you holding up?” He asked, picking at the lint on my bedspread. I shrugged and he sighed.

“It’s been kinda weird not having you at lunch.” He said. I shrugged again and he looked up before taking a deep breath.

“I uh, I brought you something.” Niall said, handing me a white binder.

“It’s a scrapbook. I know, it’s kind of lame, but… yeah.” He said, rubbing his hands together. It was strange to see Niall at a loss for words. I opened the binder to the first page to see a picture of me and Zayn, sleeping.

“Where?” I asked and he shrugged.

“You two sleep a lot.” He said and I smiled a little as I went through the photo album. Not all of the pictures were me and Zayn. Some were Niall, Harry, and I chilling at lunch. It was interesting because everyone had genuine smiles on their faces.

Niall has always been my friend.

I looked through the pictures of us, feeling something strange in my chest. They loved me, all of them. I found the picture of Zayn and I where he was wearing my hat, looking up at me.

He looked at me like my mom said, and in that moment I realized that my dad never looked at me like that. Never.

But I had always looked at Zayn like that.

“Hey.” I looked up at the door to see Zayn standing there, a little worse for wear, but God he was beautiful and love was beautiful.

He sat down on the bed beside me and I pulled him into the bed, letting him wrap me in his arms.

“You know it’s almost Christmas.” He said and I licked my cracked lips.

“Yeah.” I said and he sighed.

“Maybe we can do something then, when you get out. Maybe we could go on a date or something.” He said and I nodded.

“I’d like that.” I whispered.

“I’d like that too.” He whispered back, intertwining our fingers softly.

“Malak.” He whispered to me softly and I smiled. I could hear Louis ‘aww’ in the back.

I knew that the process wasn't going to be easy. I would always be the boy that was abused by your father. But maybe, with the help of my friends, family, and Zayn, I could give myself a new identify. I could put a new meaning to being a 'good boy'. I always wondered who I would be, and whether there was anything in me that was worth something. I didn't need to wonder anymore, I had my mother, Niall, Harry and Louis, and Zayn. They loved me, despite everything and I loved them.

My name is Liam Payne. I am fourteen years old and I am worth it.


End file.
